I still think I hear (or see) "Jabara".  I look out of the corner of my eye, think I see him sauntering into the room, only to see nothing's there.  Or I think I hear his sweet chirring meow, again, to see that he isn't there. 

Then I remember.  My cat is gone; he died September 24, 2009.  He was thirteen years old, which is old for a cat.  In human years, he would be in his nineties or early 100's. 

I start to cry.  I think I am over it some days, then I see a cat, or read a story or article about a cat, and the tears fall anew.

The day after I had "Jabara" put to sleep, I took his things (his toys, his water and food dishes, etc.) to the local humane society.  To see all those kitties in their cages or hearing them meowing tore my heart in two; it was the worst! 

People keep telling me to get another cat.  I know they mean well, but right now is not the time.  I'm just not emotionally ready. 

I would love to give another deserving feline a home, but not now, not so soon after the death of my own cat.  I need time to mourn and remember him when he was still alive.

If I do get another cat in the future, I will wait at least a year; otherwise, the new kitty would smell "Jabara", and he or she might pee or poop all over the place, and I don't think I could handle that.

Well, I am crying again as I reminiesce about "Jabara", so I am going to go now.  When are these tears ever going to stop?  Am I ever going to be happy again?  I miss my furry baby so much!!!!