*Beep!  Beep!  Beep!  Beep!  Beep!*

I look at the still, silent form in the bed in front of me; tears prick my eyes once again.  I wonder what I could have possibly done differently to protect my child from ending up in this predicament ...

It's been three days, and I see no change in Matthiah's condition.  He suffered a serious head injury; there's no guarantees as to whether he will ever wake up again.  Doctors don't hold out much in the way of hope for him; they said his injuries were severe enough to cause damage to his brain.

His condition at the present time is grave.  He could die, he's that bad off.

We had some snow earlier this week.  I'm talking several inches to where kids could make snowmen or snowangels, throw snowballs at each other, or go sledding.  Well, my six-year-old son wanted to go sledding with some friends; he was having fun, but then a buddy ran into him, and he flew into a tree, head first.  He was badly injured; the other kids knew that when he didn't get back up.  He just lay there as if dead, bloody fluid trickling from his mouth and ears and his woolen cap darkening with his blood from an open gash on the back of his head.

When I saw Matthiah lying in the snow, unmoving, I screamed for my husband to call for an ambulance.  The ambulance came less than five minutes later; soon, the ambulance was screaming its way to the nearest hospital.  All the while, Matthiah was unaware as to what had happened to him or what was going on around him.

I was so sure Matthiah was going to die; I knew it was bad, even before the doctors' telling me the news.  When they did deliver the news, it was badder than bad:  it was the worst news a parent could ever face.

If Matthiah does wake up from his coma (whenever that will be), there's a distinct possibility he could remain in a vegetative state, severely disabled, or remain in his current state.  Whatever the outcome, he will probably need someone to care for him and his needs for the rest of his life.

All of a sudden, Christmas seems like the farthest thing from my mind.

All that matters now is how Matthiah will emerge from the coma, or if he doesn't, how long he will remain alive while others care for him.  Even if he does awaken, people will probably have to care for him because he will no longer be able to do it by himself.

We may not even celebrate Christmas this year.  Why should we?  Our son could be dying, and right now, there's not a g.d. thing we can do about it either.

*To be continued.*