Another look at Christmas from a party perspective
Its Christmas again and so its drink until you drop and party like tomorrow will never come . So time to get out all those shot glasses from the cupboard and the flutes, brandy glasses and crystal decanters , for the thing is you never know who might drop in for a drink , after all it is Christmas .
I must remember to leave some stick up notes around the house .
My remember December things like ,
Be aware and watch out for random breath tests .
Or drink but don’t drive or drive but don’t drink .
Its always good to stay safe because it is the silly season and Santa Clause is coming to town .
I’ve seen people just like me running around all over town in a daze with shopping bags and trolleys overfilled as if the world is coning to an end .
Don’t you just hate waiting in queues at the checkout .
I’ve been in long queues with many others buying up all the French champagne as if there was a world wide shortage . I’ve also snatched cartons of beer and loaded them up unto my shoulder as if I was going off to war for Christmas time .
I think about things like old friends . Wonder where they are and what they’re doing these days .
Some Christmases I like to visit some old relations in nursing homes .
Its always the same in there at this time of year . They have these parties with staff members gently pouring wine into well washed glasses and toasting good health to the residents who are all well over eighty years of age . I think it’s a shame when they water down the wine without asking the residents first .
I’ve seen and tried to avoid all the young people drunk on the streets at night . They’re always brawling at Christmas and downing more and more until they spew or collapse on the corner like a sack of spuds . I’m not going to pick them up that’s for sure .
Tonight I'll drink to Christmas time as well like many others in the town .
I’ll try to walk the line because that’s what you do when you’re drunk .
Proving the you are young and free or old and foolish or whatever the case may be .I will celebrate Christmas . The whole world is having a party and I’m going to have some fun .
Here Merry Christmas everyone!
Are you listening everyone , I’m talking to you .
At last , its my turn at the checkout .
Its all going on the card . Like everyone else does at this time of year .
Listen to me people . Keep it going because it’s the season to be jolly .
I’ve got a trolley too full of things that I wheeled to the car .
What a pity I don't regret overspending and getting into debt .
Its Christmas after all .
Off I go in my car to the traffic lights that better stay green or else I’ll see red if you know what I mean .
What , oh no , foot down to the floor . Just made it .
Its good to have something there when you need .
I’m going out tonight so don’t stop me now lights .
I’m on my way hey , home at last .
Get out of the car and carry everything inside . I hope I don’t drop the double Malt . If anything is to fall let it be the beer , I could like with that .
Ok now time to get ready I’m hitting the town .’
Oh before I go I’ll have to get a few things out for when I get home .
Its always the same if you don’t you end up meeting yourself coming out .
So now , where have I put my hangover cure .
I can’t remember because the last time I went for it , I woke up shaking and it was shocking because I could hardly make it to the bathroom and as I did this funny walk with both my arms outstretched as if I was a zombie in the house . I was rocking and reeling and my head was spinning around .
I had a headache thumping with each sound I made and then I found that hangover cure and put it somewhere safe . Now where was that safe place .
I think it’s in where I keep my fine whiskey , That’s right in where the hair of the dog is waiting for me for me .Now let me see .
I’m ready to go now , Wish me luck as I wave you goodbye .
Here where am I .
Was I really that drunk last night .
I think I’ve woke up in a police station which is unusual for me .
There’s a lot of people snoring in the cells .
Hey can anybody here me .
That’s not Santa’s jingle bells I hear . Its the jingle of the jailer and his keys and aren’t they the noisiest thing you ever heard .
Is it new Year or Christmas day or has tomorrow not yet come .
I don’t know . I’m as mad as hell and can’t remember if I was driving or not so I’m not sure if I had a crash or just got innocently picked up on the streets and placed into custody with all these other drunks at this time of year .
The cells are all full and I’m going to have to face the music at some point in time .
What exactly happened last night .
Was the city too quiet and was I too wild . After all it is party time and young ones have a reputation to live up to .
I wonder who hung up all these stockings in the cells .
Probably some police social worker who gets paid to liaison with the trouble makers . That’s the way it is today . Its all about an image .
The police want to be known as the good guys .
That’s the message that they’ve been spreading around .
For some reason Christmas can be a time when a lot of damage is done and the police have to do their best . I mean that’s the reason I joined the force .
Oh that’s right I work here .
Jailer can you let me out now I’ve got a shift today and I need to go home and get changed .
The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part II is adult literature featuring adult language and situations that satirizes thirteen famous novellas and short stories. It is Jay Dubya's sixteenth ebook.
