Kody Wilbright-Abramson is my name; I am sixteen years old and look like your average teenaged boy:  tall, rather stocky in build, with long ash-blonde hair that's longer in front than in back, blue-green eyes, a long Roman nose, and a thin-lipped mouth, as well as a chiseled face.  I am quite good looking as far as appearances go; then why in the hell don't I have any friends?

Oh, I know why.  It's because of my stupid disability.  I have what is known as an "invisible" disability:  you can't see it; yet it's there, stalking me like a lion, and most people don't even know I have a problem unless I decide to throw a seizure, which is how my disability manifests itself.

I have epilepsy.  When I was like six years old, I fell out of a tree while playing and landed on my head; ever since, I have seizures.  I take meds to control them, but once in a while, a seizure likes to sneak out and catch me off guard.  I have had 'em in school, at church, at home, even out in public; I usually end up doing it in front of people, and then they move away from me like I'm carrying the bubonic plague or something.

I have anywhere from two to six seizures a year, sometimes more, especially if I am stressing out about something.  Some people say I am a panic attack waiting to happen or call me a walking panic attack.  Maybe I do panic or worry too much; not good for the seizures, but at times, I can't help it, especially when it comes to mega tests at school or worrying about if I will ever land a girlfriend or get a job.

Most people don't want to hire me because "I'm too much of a risk; I could pose a danger to myself and others".  So I have been living on my disability check for over 11 years now; I get paid every month from the government; most of it goes towards my college, which I still plan on attending when I graduate in a few years from high school.  I keep very little for myself.

It's a pain, but it's better than nothing.  At least I get some money (and that's not counting the money I get for my birthday, special holiday traditions -- I'm Jewish --, or mega holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, or Chanukah/Christmas).

I live with my family in Orange Park, California.  I have a mom, a dad, and two brothers, both younger; their names are Isaac and Ipswich, and they are both pains in my ass.  They drive me crazy because they can do things I can't -- like play sports, for instance, or go on the big rides at Disneyland; me I can't because I could fall out if I go into seizure-mode or have even more problems than I do now.  It's a giant pain!!

I mainly spend my days reading, playing on the computer, playing video games, playing hacky sack, playing basketball (one-on-one, of course), watching television, going to school or temple (natch), and writing stories/poems.  I am your basic loner.

I don't find that surprising:  nobody wants to be seen with the likes of me:  a tall, gangly Jewish kid who has seizures.  They've seen me throw seizures, and it's not a pretty sight, from what I hear.  I guess they think what I have is catching, so they don't want to even bother trying to get to know me or become my friend.

This is when I hate being disabled even though I look perfectly fine on the outside; on the inside, however, my brain's a mess, especially when it throws extra electrical activity that causes me to seizure out.  I have seen movies of people having seizures on television, and it's gross!  I guess I look like that:  like a dog that's been hit by a car.  It's nasty!!

I wish I didn't have epilepsy, although it's a lot better than it used to be.  I used to throw seizures every week; now I'm lucky if I have two to six a year.  Progress, yes, but still could use room for improvement; I'd rather not have 'em at all!!

I can't drive a car, get a job, or go on the big rides at Disneyland; if I didn't have epilepsy, I could do all three --  and a whole lot more.  My disability's hampered me in more ways than I would have liked it to.  I am limited in my activities, and it's wrecked my social status.

Well, I have managed to bum myself out even more, so I am going to drown my sorrows over a bowl of cereal and a can of Yahoo; maybe something exciting will happen to me today.  God, I hope so; this being by my lone self is the schitz!!

Take care and talk to ya later!  Bye!

Your friend in California, Kody.  :(