If I had to live my life all over again, believe me, I would, in a heartbeat.

Especially when you consider what my dad does for a living.  My dad is an Elvis Presley imitator.  I'm talking about the swiveling hips, the spangly jumpsuits with the high collars, the open, chest-baring fronts, the huge belt buckles, the bell bottoms, the black pompadour wigs with the huge sideburns, and the fake tan.  My dad does this as a way to "earn extra money" for the family (or so he claims).

My mom is a normal person; my dad, however, is off the wall.  I think he thinks he is Elvis.  He not only imitates Elvis:  he also thinks he IS the King of Rock and Roll.  I don't know where he thinks he can replace the King of Rock and Roll because my dad, he cannot sing.  In fact, my dad happens to be tone-deaf.

My dad would make Willie Nelson sound like a canary ...  and believe me, Willie is nothing to sneeze at.  Oh, he's a dynamic songsmith; he just can't sing.  He's horrible!!  He should have stuck to songwriting or playing his guitar!

Let's face it:  if my dad ever got the chance to appear on "America's Got Talent" or "American Idol", two things would more than likely happen:  he would get buzzed off the stage (that or booed), or Simon Cowell and the other judges on "American Idol" would more than likely give him a tongue-lashing that he would he would never forget.  He is horrible as a singer! 

I don't know what possessed my dad into thinking that he could sing because I'm here to tell you the sordid truth.  My dad cannot sing; he cannot carry a tune in a bucket!  I guess those people who voted for him at the karaoke contest a few weeks back must have been drunk out of their gourds or else he probably was the best one out of the group because the others were major stinkaroos! 

Ever since he won that $250.00 at the karaoke contest, my dad has fancied himself to be the next "American Idol" or "Elvis wannabe", and now he spends his weekends singing wherever he is asked.

And meanwhile, mom and I die a thousand deaths all over again.  It happens each and every time!