The woman in this story still faces reoccuring nightmares about being raped, even though it's been nearly seven months since The Incident.
Image of approaching storm clouds (C) 2010, by Karla Dorman (3/24/'10).
Seven months now, and I'm not doing any better since The Incident: still plagued with ongoing nightmares/flashbacks, still having to talk to the police or going to court when asked, can't face anybody (including my own family) without feeling tainted ...
I know when people look at me they know I've been raped. It's like I have the word "RAPED" stamped across my forehead in big, ugly black (or red) letters. What's worse is they act like what happened to me is my fault somehow when all I was doing was walking home from work! I didn't ask for The Man to appear out of nowhere and start fondling me; it just ... happened! Nothing more can be said about that!!
Lately, I have been entertaining thoughts of suicide. I know suicide isn't the answer, but once you do it, you can't come back to life. I know this. Yet as miserable and depressed as I have been, it seems to be the only viable solution; I can't go on living like this!! I feel like I'm living a double life: in the daytime, I'm fine (most of the time); at night, I'm an emotional basketcase.
I can't stand sleeping without a nightlight, and I can't stand sleeping by myself, so what do I do but go to my girlfriend's or my parent's house to sleep? I know they're worried about me, but they don't understand what I want through seven months back ... they just. Don't. Fucking. UNDERSTAND!!!!
How often do I have to keep telling people that I didn't "deserve" to be raped?? I lost my life the way I knew it when that bastard of a man forced himself on me, just because he had to get his (sick) sexual fantasies fulfilled; meanwhile, I'm the one who is suffering the most damage as a result of this!! I've been violated in the worst way, and right now, I wouldn't even care if I lived or fucking died!!
Acts of violence can remain within the mind of the victim not for months but for whatever years remain and, though, not always easily visible, nonetheless, once done, the violence can remain upon the mind of the victim for ever. Very well written, Karen.
Your friend from Southern California, Mark
Rape is a horrible thing to happen to anyone. It is demoralizing and so very often the victum relives the rape for a very long time. I feel that counseloring will help and a support group were you have a friend that you can call. very good work here.
As Rose says it is a shame but also true about the sickos out there. I hope you mention in your next entry that she finds a self support group for victims of violent crime and in particular rape. As this story suggests no one can understand fully unless they have experienced it.
fee
A sad shame what another can put an innocent person through, something that they have to live with the rest of their lives. so many sick ????????? in this world of ours.
Serial killer Ted Bundy's murders recounted from the perspective of thirty years after his execution in a Florida prison.
Brutal, compelling, with new updated facts about the case, his victims and the compulsions that drove Ted Bundy to mass murder.
An eye-opening look into the world of human trafficking. Pilar thought she was destined to die until she met Becky. A fairy tale ending to this story with the help of Tess is called Justice. It was time for someone to hit back because the courts in S
