DATING DISASTER
After 39 years of marriage I lost my husband to cancer. Even though you think you prepare, you do not. Even though the hospice staff was kind and caring, seeing that stretcher taking him from our home after his passing was heart wrenching.
We had a happy marriage and after the crippling grief began to ease a bit, I decided that I wanted to be happy again. I had no plans to find another husband but I did not want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself for the rest of my days. After all I was ONLY 59 years old with lots of life to live.
When I finally worked up the courage to try to date again, I turned to the internet. Meeting people without having to face them seemed a good idea to me at the time. Second First Date told of the destruction I caused in a nice quiet restaurant. After that experience I was tempted to give up but my stubborn streak wouldn’t let me take the coward’s way out. However, believe it or not, my next dating experience was even more disastrous. It made me question whether or not dating was for me. I’m sure as you read the account below, you’ll understand my concern and loss of confidence.
I met a nice man on-line and agreed to a face-to-face meeting. Before leaving on this blind date, I listened to my mother caution me regarding ax murderers, serial killers and rapists. However, our first meeting went well and that brought about future outings. We went to the movies a few times, to dinner once or twice, and got along quite nicely. He worked ‘nights’ so our dating, if you can call it that, was during day-light hours. Occasionally he would stop at my home on his way to work to watch the news with me and have a few cups of coffee.
This particular evening he complained of indigestion and asked for a couple of antacids. He settled comfortably in my living room recliner and seemed to be feeling better. Then suddenly he began gasping for breath and I knew he was in serious trouble. I immediately grabbed the phone and dialed 911. However before the operator had time to answer, his breathing had stopped.
Once upon a time I was certified in CPR, but that had been a number of years ago. The calm, soothing voice on the other end of the phone told me that he would walk me through the procedure, but first I needed to get my guest onto the floor. I dropped the phone, grabbed him by the ankles and pulled with all my strength.
Of course this caused his head to bang, no bounce is a better description, off the seat onto the foot rest and off the foot rest onto the floor. The only thing I could think was, “Oh dear, I’ve killed him.” In my imagination, I could hear the doctor saying something about ‘blunt force trauma’ and could picture the investigation that would follow. (Could I be watching too many CSI shows?)
With the phone on speaker mode, I began compressions, alternating with giving him breaths. The ambulance arrived. Competent people took over but there were questions …….. lots and lots of questions. What is his medical history? I don’t know. What kind of medication does he take? I don’t know. Does he have a heart condition? I don’t know. Has he taken Viagra this evening? NOT FOR ME!
Off to the hospital with me following the ambulance. Again the same questions. I didn’t know the answers earlier, I still didn’t know them when they were asked in a new environment. However, the ER doctor had one new question. “Who is his next of kin?”
A massive heart attack had taken his life. He had been revived for a short time but in the end there was nothing the doctors and nurses could do. I felt extremely foolish not being able to give them any information. I had heard him mention his daughter’s name and suggested they might go through his cell phone looking for that name. That turned out to be the only helpful words I had uttered all evening because they were able to find his daughter and break the bad news to her.
By the time I got my weary body back home, it was quite late so I went right to bed. Tossing and turning, realizing how fragile our lives are,I wondered, do I really want to attempt this dating business at all? At my age, maybe I should just forget it and find a hobby that would keep me occupied. Maybe I could be happy alone after all. Maybe I could be content sitting home alone for the rest of my days. No, that’s not what I wanted at all but what to do? Who knew that trying to date could be this disastrous?
After a sleepless night I arose the next morning and realized that his car was still parked outside. My mother lived right down the street and I knew that sooner or later our condo association grapevine would notify her that SOMETHING was going on at my condo the night before and that a second man’s body had been taken from my home on a stretcher. So I called her and told her the horrific news. I then asked her if she would follow me as I drove his car back to his home.
Her comment was an astonished “You mean his car was in front of your condo ALL NIGHT? Oh dear, what will the neighbors think?”
“Mom, are you busy? Will you follow me?”
“Of course. You should have called me earlier. We could have done this last night ………………….”
And so it went, a nice LONG lecture from my 79 year old mother to her 59 year old daughter about how easy it is to ruin your reputation.
Was dating worth all this trouble? Could I survive? Or maybe the question that should be asked is, WOULD MY DATE SURVIVE?
Dating as a senior citizens has its own set of dangers. So far I’d practically destroyed a fancy restaurant and had a man sit in my recliner, drink my coffee and die. In my imagination I could see myself losing my home when the condo association evicted me, calling me cruel names, like Black Widow, etc.…………………
I decided that IF I do continue this new adventure, the next man will need to bring a doctor’s note.
© copyright 2010 by Donna Hale Chandler
DONNA HALE CHANDLER
Author of:
LIFE HAPPENS (My Story)
Co-Author of:
THE HINTS BOOKS
