This book has been written in an attempt to explain how an individual who, due to a bicycle accident, had been denied the ability to store long term memory, and her earlier memory blocked with amnesia.
Thirty-three years after the accident occurred., 1995, she had brain surgery, at the age of 46, that successfully repaired the shorted wiring yet her past was still void, that is except for four scenes that are as clear as if it had been just yesterday. Following the accident in the early 60’s she had suffered with epileptic seizures that worsened through the years. The reason was due to the scars penetrating deeper in the front temporal lobe region of her brain. But she needed to search for answers, what had happened in her past? to her Mother, Father, and especially her two sisters who she reached for, longed for, with whom she had been the ‘in between’ ‘Sissy’ since birth. Also an earlier marriage, yes, but who was he, what happened?
I am that individual and as I went along searching for answers I realized that very few people understand how the memory function operates. What is ‘long term’, what is ‘short term’ and especially how did the scars that were imbedded in the front temporal lobe of my brain block 99% of the memory of my past. How was I inflected with this?
Allow me to explain:
I was on my way over a very steep mountain roadway in the Appalachian Mountains of WV, in the summer of 1962. Slowly I began descending on the narrow, two lane roadway that had been carved on the edge of what was referred to as “Big Creek Mountain”, and, due to the narrow roadways, we had to ride facing the oncoming traffic. My old bicycle’s loose 'sprocket chain' then slipped off and no longer could I control the speed that was rapidly increasing. The only way to end the run was by plowing across the right lane, into a ditch along the edge of the mountain on the right or else down, way down deep into the valley on the left. Suddenly my world went blank as I hit a car that was slowly making its way up the mountain, head on; with impact I was flung onto the hood then, due to the steepness, I rolled over the top of the vehicle landing on the pavement behind the car. My body had continued to roll several times on the rigid roadway before coming to a halt. The impact had brought about a severe concussion as my skull repeatedly bounced on the pavement embe dding scars on the left front temporal area, also the right side. I later learned that due to no cracked skull the hospital had released me once I regained consciousness, five days later. They did not realize the immediate brain damage that had accrued but I was informed later that epileptic 'blank outs' had started immediately.
Due to an auto accident in the early part of 1975 a local doctor decided to send me to the UCF Medical Hospital in Gainesville Florida. I had been on epileptic mediation but how long or when epilepsy had been suspected I never found out. The doctors began working with me, identifying the deep scars that created the electrical ‘short’ that triggered the seizures then trying to control the bouts with new medication developed. The EEG’s, CAT’s MRI’s continued for 20 years but to no avail. As the clock kept ticking the seizures continued to increase both in length and frequency. The doctors were hesitant but had finally decided in 1994 that I would have to have brain surgery. The seizures had increased to the point that I was there, in body, but not in mind.
In 1995 the front left temporal lobe of my brain was opened and, along with Lasik and a surgical knife, a very skilled Neurosurgeon lifted the pressure that had both shorted, triggering seizures, and blocked the electrical conduct between the short term and long term memory. Without those seizures my days were longer, the months following seemed never ending but as I turned to view my past nothing 'came back', nothing could be found. Its embodiment had been hindered, almost 100% blocked. But could I trigger the memory with re-tracking my life, beginning in that tiny town of WV, going back to gaze at my childhood home, anything, just anything to fill in those “Unread Chapters” of my life.
The book begins on the day of the brain surgery, March 1st, 1995, as I laid on a gurney traveling down a seemingly mile long, narrow hallway, squinting at the ceiling lights as they blinded me with brightness. I was finally on my way to for brain surgery. I was questioned by the nurses about my need to speak to a minister, or someone to pray with me, am I scared, but with a bit of rebellion, I said ‘no’. I was gently parked in a small room with 5 other people laying on gurneys, also facing major surgery of some kind. I had been stripped of my long brown hair 100%, so there I lay, cold and naked except for the coarse hospital gown and a very thin blanket. To tolerate the apprehension I decided to put myself somewhere else, to review those few ‘spot scenes’ from my earlier life one more time. The beginning chapter in my book is the earliest scene I could remember, then it continues with those clear scenes that I had stored somehow, now filled in with what happened in between.
Once I recovered from the surgery I returned to where I was born and questioned relatives, childhood friends, anyone who could help me fill in the blank years of my life. What I found was shocking, example: a boyfriend I was going steady with in high school? I then traveled to GA where I had been working as a hair stylist, but where did I obtain my license? I was married three years, I went on a honeymoon, where? What happened? I ran away from him, why? How did I find a relative in Florida where I hid, terrified of him? What happened to my sisters? And especially, why did I hate my Mother? I hated her but with a hurt, a longing; a hurt that only an abandoned child could feel.
This is the introduction to a book I am determined to publish, other chapters are already posted with more to come.
