THE CIRCUS
The memory of the calliope loudly blasting steam through its different sized whistles stirs the little boy in me of fifty years ago back to life. The famous circus march, Entry of the Gladiators, set my whole body afire with expectations of the extraordinary and the amazing! Wow! It’s the circus come to Fresno!
And so out of the blistering summer heat and under the Big Top I go in the tow of my big sister, where before my very eyes was everything that could amaze and enthrall an eight year old boy. Death defying trapeze and tightrope artists stopping my heart and knotting my stomach, until at last they climbed down from tempting the gods. Ferocious snarling tigers barely obeying the crack of the whip, surely this man would soon be ripped to pieces!
Hysterically funny clowns, the bearded lady, the smells, the cotton candy stuck all over my face, I couldn’t elbow my way fast enough through the crush of the crowd! What unabashed joy and wonder surged through every part of my youthful body and mind. It was three hours of eight-year-old ecstasy!
Well after that incredible matinee show finally came to a close we went outside to wait for our mother to pick us up in the family’s trusty old 1943 Ford sedan. The crowds were all gone now and my sister and I sat alone waiting and waiting, but mother never came. We didn’t really know quite what to do about it, so we just kept waiting. Then finally an old woman arrived: “Are you the Johnston kids?” “Yes” “Where’s our mom?” “She’s resting at my house down the street.” “Come with me.”
When we walked into her old wood sided house all the blinds were down making the house seem unnaturally still and quiet for a Sunday summer afternoon. It all felt so strangely dark and silent after our wonderfully noisy circus adventure.
Entering a small room off a hallway we saw our mother lying deathly still on her back, eyes closed. In the low light I wasn’t sure if she was dead or alive. It all seemed so dramatic and mysterious. That scene left a strong impression on my young consciousness of how death can snatch away someone you love at any moment.
Well, as it turned out my mother recovered from her car accident that she had on the way to pick us up that afternoon. Though that accident, along with several others over the course of her life, added to her back pain that followed her all her days.
So that day still lingers in my memory because it was such an unusual day with such strong and contrasting emotions…. And in the larger view of life, we all have lives of endlessly varied and contrasting experiences, don’t we?
Now I’ve shared this exceptional day from my childhood with you because I believe it represents the journey of every one of us who passes through this world. We all find that we are often surprised, elated or crushed by the seeming heartless randomness of what life offers us each day.
Yet the greatest among us have from time immemorial tried to point out to us that our world and the vast universe if floats in operates according to a Divine Plan, and that plan is built upon laws that we activate all the time, either consciously or unconsciously, by the use of our free will.
And like a child moving up through the grades of school we gradually begin to recognize and learn that there are cause and effect principles that underlie everything in life. It starts when you put your hand on the hot stove and when you speak unkindly to someone. There is always a response that leads to understanding.
And so if you can keep yourself awake in the consciousness of what this game of life is really all about and understand that it is nothing more than a stage upon which you are perfecting your performance against the backdrop of ever-changing scenes, then your life will not only make sense, but in spite of all its human pain and losses it will bring you joy!
I’m John Johnston. See you next time, here, On The Cosmic Porch!
