I know for a fact that there are many people who have it far worse than I ever will have it, but when it is yourself that is facing incredible challenges, it's sometimes hard to forget that ...

For starters. I lost my job six months ago.  Laid off; company decided to downsize and move their main line of work overseas.  Cheaper labor, I guess.  I'd worked there for over three years; now I am suddenly unemployed.

Been looking, but nothing has come up as of yet.  Nobody is hiring; if they are, they are only looking for experienced help or people who came to this country in search of better things.  

Let me ask you this:  how are you going to get experience, unless you're hired?  

There's no loyalty any more.  Co-workers, friends, who've worked at the company far longer were laid off as well.  No warning.  BAM.  Let go.

f it were not for my parents, I would have ended up homeless on the streets long ago.  A problem that would be made worse, thanks, in part, to my severely handicapped son, Dalton, who was born with a rare genetic disorder called cardiofaciocutaneous syndrome (CFS).  

Because of his syndrome, he is severely mentally disabled with the mind of a very young child and he has to be cared for twenty-four/seven.  Dalton will never walk.  He has to wear diapers and be tube-fed, as he cannot eat on his own.

Dalton is six years old.  And he is a handful.

My husband tries to help out, but he can only take so much.  He would rather hang out with his guy friends and go fishing or boating than to spend time with me and Dalton.  I am so scared that he is going to leave us; then what is going to happen to us?  More importantly, what is going to happen to Dalton??

Dalton's condition is so rare few doctors (or other medical personnel) have even  heard of it.  There are maybe 300 cases of CFS reported world wide.  Sometimes he has seizures, terrible ones, that have landed him in the hospital.  Whenever he gets sick, I spend all my time at the hospital until I make sure that Dalton is out of danger.  

Besides the seizures, I have to worry about his heart.  He has a pronounced heart murmur, and has to have it checked every six months.  He has a weak/enlarged heart; for this reason, he has to use oxygen at night to help him breathe easier.

It is no way for a mother to live, but what am I going to do? I can't just leave him there, in a room full of strangers, all by himself!  

My church family also helps out.  They give us food (or even some money) whenever we need it, and they are always lifting us up in prayer.  I don't really see it doing any good because Dalton remains the same, and all I really want is for him to start walking, talking, or eating on his own!  I don't like having a child who can't do anything for himself; it is the worst possible thing that can ever happen to a parent!

I try to rely on God, but when Dalton starts hitting himself repeatedly in the head or gets sick or has another one of his many seizures, it's hard, damned hard!  I often feel that I am not doing nearly enough for my boy, and I end up feeling like a failure as a parent!  Maybe it would have been easier had I had him placed into a home for severely disabled children because it is getting harder and harder to deal with his ongoing problems!  He is never going to get any better: why even try to help him??

It's ridiculous!!

Then, if all that isn't bad enough, my insurance company has decided to drop me because my son is too much of an insurance risk.  So now I and Dalton have no insurance.  And they are thinking of stripping away Dalton's SSDI income because of some legal technicality.  I have been fighting tooth and nail with my attorneys, but I am not getting anywhere.  It is enough to make me want to pull my hair out ... or kill Dalton, so he wouldn't have to suffer any longer!

What am I to do? I am at the end of my rope and I need a break before I end up harming my child (or myself)! 

~To be continued.~