About 20 years ago my wife and I visited one of her lady friends from her childhood. I can’t remember her name, so I will just call her Alice. She was bedridden in a nursing home, and likely in the last days of her life. I had never been in a nursing home before, and soon found myself having fun with several of the other patients. A few of their behaviors that were apparently normal and routine to the staff and to the other patients were quite interesting and funny to me.  For example, one gentleman stopped as he was passing by the room we were in. He eyes darted back and forth as he scanned the room, then he pointed his finger at me and said “I can see you.” He immediately continued on his way down the hallway. I turned to my wife and to Alice in a bit of wonderment.   Alice replied “Oh, that’s just Mr. Carlton, and he says that to every man he meets. He comes by 4 or 5 times each day, and he says the same old thing whenever he sees a man. Don’t worry, he’s harmless.”

 

Well, beyond his words, I noticed that Mr. Carlton was also dressed in a suit and tie and was wearing a hat, unlike all the other patients who were dressed in gowns and slippers.  I asked Alice if he always dressed that way. She replied “Oh yes. He’s quite dapper, and loves to impress the ladies. He doesn’t like competition. “

 

Well, it seemed that Mr. Carlton had found a solution to his boredom.

 

I ventured down the hall to see what else I might learn. As I passed one open door, a lady’s voice called out “Hey there, handsome boy. Come on back. Let’s talk.” I continued on, unwilling to intrude into Mr. Carlton’s domain.

 

As I neared the nurses’ station, a lady with a walker suddenly stopped in the hallway. “Help!” she screamed. Nobody answered her. Then she became more emphatic: “Goddamit, somebody help me.” 

 

This time the nurse at the station looked up and asked “What do you need, Mildred?” Mildred replied, “I just want to know whether I’m coming or going.” The nurse replied “Do you want to go to your room?” Mildred answered “Yes.”   The nurse instructed her “Turn around, dear. It’s the last door on your right.” Mildred very politely answered “Thank you,“ then turned around with great effort, and began inching her way back down the hall.

 

Surely there is a moral to this story. I’m thinking of the halls of Congress…and those who are too dumb to ask.  Hmmm.