A Christmas Angel
It was to be one of those snow storms again; the weather channel blasted the news all with orange overlay in the screen.
I hadn’t gone out for a while for my usual winter excursions, and I thought, I better go out today, and bring my feathery little friends something to sustain them in this coming event.
I didn’t really want to go, I have felt reluctant for a while to walk that lonesome trail, besides, there are many now that seem to have taken to feeding them, has it caught on? I ask myself. Why would I even feel guilty, as the next door neighbour said, they’ll live without your efforts, and so I thought yes, she’s right, after all, it says in the good book, the good lord looks after the birds and bees, who do you think you are, to try to do his work, did he appoint you, or do you think he needs help, or worse, you do a better job than him?
These sorts of questions rummaged through my mind for a while, a long while, it also involved every other creature, and I do care about all of them, but can’t, I mean this dog starving here in my backyard, has thousands more for company that I don’t even know about, and sure enough, the Postal lady, told me about one around the corner just now.
Darn it’s a miserable day, and I don’t feel too well as is, and darn, do you think they really need you? I don’t really want to go, don’t feel like it, you are starting to bring up your old ways of thinking again, toughen up will ya.
All these arguments going through my head, back and forth, and then I remembered, I’m not going to keep them alive, although some might live another day, but you’re going for the reason you so promptly told the neighbour lady that day, what did I say? No, they don’t need me thank God, but when it’s forty below out, and their little feed are frozen to the branches they huddle on, hunched over shivering, no I go out for selfish reasons, one, when I lay snug in bed in the next ten hours, they are still out there freezing, and freezing, again all day long. I go so I can sleep with a bit more comfort knowing that their tummy is just a little warmer, with the extra food I bring them, and that the extra unexpected little happiness I bring, makes me happy also, yes it’s a purely selfish thing I do, never said it wasn’t. That’s why I am going, to bring a little extra happiness, just as I bring a little extra to the doggie that is starving, and the stray cat, that hides in my shed, or my baby Raven and company that flies in calling. A little extra, only sometimes that little extra is not a cherry on the cake, but just enough for one more meal for survival. That little extra, that helps someone else smile, be it human or animal, that little extra, maybe not needed by most folks, but then we have Christmas don’t we?
Oh yes, it was a miserable day, yet I tied on my galoshes and went one foot at the time, lazy, reluctant, but with some angel guiding me to go, I went, my hand stretched out and calling,
Here little Peggy, little angel face, little grey, come on lady downy, come on Jackie. I’ve been walking for some time, walking and calling, and I was getting frustrated, no one, but no one flew in, so I placed the food at the usual places, a bit peeved though. I looked all about, not a one did I see, Did that devil lady in charge of Parks poison them all I thought, like she did with the rats and groundhogs and others, irate now my mind was spinning evil thoughts, darn it, this is not a good time is it, you’re feeling down, dredging through this ice and mess and not one friend in sight. It became sort of a lonesome walk through my mind too, not where there no one else feeding them, and I was disappointed over that too, there was not a peep anywhere. I kept on walking this lonesome path, careful not to break my neck on the icy stretches, careful not to miss a friend should I see one, now I felt guilty over my misguided ideas for not going more often, they are just not there anymore I thought, for the don’t expect you no more. Angelface, Peggy, Grey I yelled, where are you, it didn’t matter, all was quiet and lonesome, very lonesome, I hugged my favourite Oak Tree, I thought, at least you’re still here, put some food in its divided trunk, God I thought, this is making me so lonesome, I lost all my friends. I trudged back, I had been out for some time and now became chilled and a bit tired, and still I kept calling, and calling. Just before I reached a bent in the woods a place where often I had great joy feeding little Peggy, a sweet chickadee with only one leg, shot off by some rogue teenagers, memories kept flooding back, when I played park ranger sort of unpaid that is. I stood there for a while, thinking also of my little Angelface, and all the others , Yackie, that when he’d fly away would go yak yak, like saying thank you; oh yes and the lady Downy, I coaxed out of the bushes by calling her sweet names, memories kept flooding my mind. I stood there for a little while, and then as if magic, peep, and then another, I thought what, where are they, I should see them, I am on the path, I can see all around, beeb, beeb, what the heck. I thought wait a minute, go around the tree, into the opening between the pine trees and bushes, there where you used to stand; I turned the corner calling Peggy, and there, and there, what, what on earth, taken aback, my voice stilled, perplexed as a little child, there stood this lady tall, curly, curly hair, her hand outstretched, and, there they where, she’s smiling at me, a benign, precious smile, you called she said, I was so embarrassed, I heard you around the corner. I guess I showed my surprise, I thought I come out to feed them before the big storm to fill their little tummies to tie them over she said. My voice still reluctant, I said still in awe, yes I was thinking the same, bless you I said, you are most kind, I almost said beautiful, but that’s how I get myself always into hot water, I wished her a most Merry Christmas, and said it was a joy to meet her, and to see that others too still cared about little beings such as my friends.
I walked slowly, my head bend in deep thought, how could this be, where on earth did she come from in the middle of the bush, and why did all my friends fly to her, not that I was unhappy, matter of fact, my heart now sang with joy, I thought, no, there are beings other than me that care, you are not alone.
The world had just become Christmas for me, what a beautiful present, where these tears I wiped, or just the frost, with heavy mittens I couldn’t tell, and then I thought, and then, yes, it was a Christmas Angel, there was a lot of frost in my face, and a big smile. Merry Christmas, ©24/12/2012
