Finding love at 720 Pixels
By
Randolph J. Giles
As I sit here I recall a conversation that my younger brother and I had about women. You see I had been married twice in my life and have children from the first marriage, but he has never been married and said; although he would like to get married and settle down that he found women fickle minded and unrealistic not to mention material driven.
He said to me something that I always stated, that when men find a woman that they are attracted to, they are not concerned about their pedigree, their education, their background or how much money they earn a year. None of that concerns us if we truly and honestly are attracted to the woman.
When I say attracted to the woman I am saying, fascinated beyond just the physical. I am stating that you find her personality so appealing, she almost a mirror image of you or she’s someone you admire.
She is the kind of individual you long or are, striving to be. She is someone who could enhance the person that you already are and not trying to quote the Tom Cruise, Renee’ Zellweger movie Jerry Maguire, but in short, she completes you.
My brother; said a woman wants to know how much you make a year, basically can you afford them, take care of them, us guys know it as the White Knight syndrome or Prince Charming syndrome.
Women were told since they were little girls that a White Knight would come and rescue them and take care of them or their Prince Charming and since that time women have been looking for a man who embodied what they considered their perfect man would be.
A women’s view of the White Knight or Prince Charming is so distorted you might as well call him The Green Knight, The Knight of Green or Prince Benjamins, because all a woman really cares about is how much a man makes and if he can afford her. That is why this guy I know who was married once uses escort services. He gets what he pays for and sends them on their way with no headaches.
Which brings to mind one time on the Oprah talk show she had women who were successful financially and one was in love with a man who was a janitor who made one quarter of what she made a year and because she felt that she couldn’t be with him.
If the roles were reversed that man would give damn about how much or little the woman made especially if he was in love with her.
There was a relationship that I was in where I had thought that I had found my soul mate. She was nothing like any woman that I would have dated or even pursued, but there was something about her that made her just as attractive as Selma Hayek.
It was a long distant relationship so we only saw one another every other weekend. She was younger than me and had children, my children were grown, but she appeared to be of an old soul and she wasn’t difficult to be with. In fact we kind of meshed.
Then one time she cursed me out, I mean really cursed me out which later on she apologized and told me that it was her children’s father who got her all riled up. That was the first sign, but I ignored it although it did mess me up for a few days. I couldn’t believe that someone so sweet could be so nasty, so disrespectful to her mate, her significant other.
I had never called her out of her name, I had never cursed at her. I remember her six year old son telling his mother that; you and Jerry like the same things, you never argue like you and daddy.
Out of the mouth of babes, he spoke the truth and she realized it.
I was going through hard times during the recession working temp jobs. Some temp assignments would turn into permanent position which the companies I worked for were swallowed up by the Department of Financial Services after the Lieberman Brother incident on Wall Street.
Other business were also affected and had to downsize. My girlfriend did not understand and would say that I wasn’t trying. Our relationship was becoming difficult and putting a strain on my so called bank account, but it did not seem as if she understood, but I kept on trying, because I thought that she was the one.
One day I came up and the first thing she did was tell me that she had a honey do list for me. I responded as I often do; I haven’t finished putting things away in my new apartment yet and you want to me do things around your house? Now, I know what that sounds like, but I always joked that way with everyone who ever asked me to do something for them.
When someone would ask me to do something for them, before they could finish the question, I would respond; “NO,” but I would do it anyway and she knew this, but she got totally upset and got all ghetto on me in front of her children saying things that were not meant for their ears.
I was embarrassed, for her, for myself and for the children and I asked myself who was this individual standing in front of me yelling at me.
One day she told me if I wasn’t going to take her out for me not to come to her house. That is when I realized that it us being together wasn’t enough for her. I realized that I gave her support with ideas and with her children. Her oldest daughter told her on several occasions that her father would never play with the little ones the way that I did.
Later on after she told me not to come to her house if I couldn’t take her out I decided to break it off. She was about the money and if I couldn’t afford to take her out she didn’t want to see me. Hey, I think that said it all.
It wasn’t until sometime after I broke up with her that I realized why she yelled at me in front of her children and that was so they could see it and compare it to how she argued with their father. It was a pre-empted strike to her breaking up with me so she could justify it with her children without her being thought as the bad guy.
Well she never got the opportunity to break up with me and has texted me in which I refused to read or respond. I feel that when you love someone you don’t point the finger when you have a problem you recognize it and say what are we, going to do about it and you make a plan together. A relationship is a joint effort a team effort and as you hear them often say; there’s no “I” in team.
I recall Chris Rock once saying; that a woman’s P.R. man is only good for 6 months, that they can’t hold out longer than that and that is when she really lets you know who she really is and usually by then you’re married and it’s too late.
Thinking about the 2 and a half years we were dating long distance the time that we spent together did equal to about six months.
I’m a romantic. I believe that Valentine’s Day is every day. I believe that the honeymoon should never be over and that it’s up to the couple to make it so. It’s not a lot to do, just treat them the way yourself want and need to be treated. You wouldn’t want to be taken for granted, so don’t take them for granted. Yes you should feel safe, warm and comfortable in your relationship, your partner should fit like a glove, but don’t get so content that you forget where you came from and how your relationship between one another developed. And remember first and foremost, communication is the key.
If you can’t talk if you can’t tell the one that you love how your feel, what you want, need, what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling then you there’s a good chance your relationship is not going to succeed.
There are some people, mostly females who think if you truly love someone that the man should know what you’re thinking or what you want, etc., etc. Where they get that notion I haven’t a clue. And just in case you are one of those misguided individual that ain’t so. The only way someone is going to know what you are feeling or needing is if you communicate it to them!
But unlike the song entitled; “Say what you need to say,” there are some things that are better left unsaid. So, think before you blurt it out, maybe there’s a better way to say what you need to say or maybe it is better not being said at all.
Remember there are a few things that can never be taken back and that’s, life, time and words. So be mindful of the things you may want, but necessarily need to say.
Now my brother and I were having this discussion and I guess you’re wondering why the topic came up? Well I have been seeing someone now for almost a year now and we feel the same way about love and a relationship between a man and a woman.
For her, it wasn’t about how much money I had or made. She told me if we lived underneath a bridge as long as we were together that all that mattered. It was about a mutual love and respect for one another which was something we both were searching for and have found in one another.
Her saying that reminded me of the movie IP Man, the Bio pic of Bruce Lee’s instructor (By the way that was an awesome movie).
In the movie they had to move to Hong Kong after they had lost their beautiful home due to the Japanese occupation of China and his wife said to him, as long as we are together that is all that matters. That to me is how love should be.
My girlfriend said that we are a team and we will work together to make our dreams come true and if not at least we are together.
I read somewhere I believe it was in the bible that love is the only true success. I believe that is true , because I could have millions of dollars and be rich with money, but wasn’t it written in the bible that it would be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than it would be for rich man (rich monetarily) to get into heaven.
I rather be monetarily poor and with the woman that I love and she in love with me rather rich an alone or with someone who doesn’t truly appreciate me as a person. Yeah, you want money to do things with her, but have you ever done some of the things that you enjoy doing, even love doing and wish that you had someone there with you to enjoy it with, someone who enjoyed the same things that you do, who holds the same appreciation for them?
Yes, there are many people who haven’t a problem being alone, but secretly they long for that special person to share life wonders with, but there are some who could give a darn if they were with someone or not and revel in their solitude. That is and never was me or my newly found love.
My brother on the other hand seems content to just work on building up his business and dating with no outlook, no optimism on finding his soul mate, because of his beliefs.
I look back briefly at my past relationships and realize that they were all were a prelude to my current relationship. You see, sometimes we tend to settle feeling that we will never find the woman or man that we truly desire, so we grab onto the first person that comes close to what we are looking for.
But I say, do we truly know what we are looking for or is it like what Mathew Perry as Alex Whitman said to Selma Hayek as Elizabeth Fuentes on the Dam in the movie, “Fools Rush In”?
Alex Whitman: This morning I couldn't decide between a hamburger and a tuna melt. But my life made perfect sense. Now I know exactly what I want, but my life makes no sense. Somewhere between tuna melt and your aunt's tamales, life lost meaning and gained a purpose.
Isabel Fuentes: What are you saying?
Alex Whitman: I am saying- This is morning I was worried I'd met the girl of my dreams at the drycleaners and not recognized her. But you- You are what I never knew I always wanted.
Like Alex Whitman, many of us feel that we overlooked the woman or man of our dreams and that we may never truly find or discover true love, but I say keep the faith as it may be closer than you think, you need only open your heart to all the wondrous possibilities.
For all you know you might be standing beside her right now or talking to her across a counter or a desk or over the phone, or even on Facebook chatting or texting. I say open your heart and keep the faith that love will find you in time like it did for me.
There’s a saying that money is never late, well neither is love. Love is never late, it is always on time and it will come when you least expect it as it did for me.
I was on a dating website, LatinAmericancupid.com, and I decided to put it all out there on the table of who I was and striving to be, what I was searching for and it wasn’t a week before I received a message from a beautiful young woman, “Hello.”
Even before I read her profile I responded to her and I came to discover that she did not speak English, but spoke Spanish fluently.
I on the other hand or though I had Spanish speaking relatives, I did not speak Spanish fluently at all, but that did not discourage me at all.
After messaging back and forth (with the use of the google and Bing translators) she was taken back at how romantic I was so she gave me a call, she wanted to hear my voice.
We spoke and she loved my voice and the softness and kindness behind it. As we continued to talk she loved my sense of humor and without knowing my relationship with either of my parents she said that I had my mother’s sense comicalness which was true .
I struggled, but wanted, needed to understand her and I could tell that she too wanted and needed the same, so I got Pimsleur’s CD’s so I could learn Spanish and she help with the pronunciations and it was fun and it brought us together even closer even though there was a distance between us.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that she lives in the Dominican Republic. So we Skype and Facebook video called one another.
I met her children and her mother over the internet. I was her Gringo, her Gringo Grande and they watched my Spanish improve other the months.
We spoke every day, five or more times a day. We would talk before going to sleep at night and I was her wakeup call in the morning, this brought us closer together as I started teaching her English.
In our communication we discovered that we were very much alike. We found that we loved and enjoyed the same thing and have been searching for our soul mate. Her family was so very happy for her, that she had found someone good that appreciated her.
Sometimes we would talk until she would fall asleep and even when I would tell her that she was tired for her to hang up the phone she didn’t want to let go of me.
Each and every day we find new ways of showing our love for one another. She like me respects our love and our relationship that has grown over the months of just talking.
We celebrated the holidays both here in the States and in the Dominican Republic.
A few days before Christmas I called and spoke with her younger daughter and her son and pretended to be Santa Claus, I do a really good Santa Claus voice and they believed that I was Santa.
After talking with her children I asked her if they believed that I was Santa and she said yes, but she told them it was me.
I laughed and told her you spoiled it. Let children be children as long as they can. She understood what I was saying although I teased about spoiling my attempt and any future attempts to make the children really excited about Christmas day.
New Year’s Eve, we both got dressed up and brought in the New Year there in the Dominican Republic and then here in the United States, it was nice as we danced to music and tossed to the New Year.
One of the things that attracted her to me, besides her physical beauty was her honesty. She would tell me things that I would not know unless she told me and share the information with me and I didn’t even ask.
She would get invited to events and she would ask my permission to go, that is her way and how she should me that she respected our love and our relationship.
I too get invited out, but at times I don’t go, because I would only end up missing her more. Some of the things that I love to do I no longer do, because it causes me to miss her and I end up cutting my time short.
You’re most likely wondering, so when are you two going to get together and see one another face to face instead over the 720 pixels?
Well she has business to take care of over there and when she is done she is coming to the United States to live with me, but before then I am going to D.R. and she and I will be married and celebrate with her mother and family.
And although we may have begun our relationship over the 720 pixels where our minds, hearts and souls were joined we will live the rest of it loving one another face to face and continue to love one another unconditionally always, forever and a day until the end of time. . .
