A short conversation between a man and his wife about life's inconveniences
An Awful Inconvenience
by Paul McCann
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W3e-CICw2I
Its early Sunday morning and the bells of the Church are ringing through the town . A solitary figure appears at the foot of the hill and makes his way up the street to a small parlour house . He struggles to put the key in the lock but eventually he pushes open the door . As he walks in through the door he almost takes the door off the hinges as he shuts it behind him .
His wife jumps in fright and speaks softly .
“ Charlie is that you . “
“Its only me Midge .“
“ Why are you back so soon Charlie, I thought you’d be away half the day“
“No , wait til I tell you like . Its an awful inconvenience life sometimes you know Midge what I’m saying like .”
“ What are you trying to tell me Charlie .“
“Now Midge the thing is I went in to get me self a new pair of glasses because I seen that they were on special . So I takes off this morning and I gets in to the place where they sell the glasses like you know .
“ Oi Charlie , what place would that be ?
“The glasses shop in the mall . One of them new shopping malls on the outskirts of town you know “
“Yeah Charlie , what happened .“
“Well now I gets in there now and I couldn’t even get the car into the place , The car couldn’t get in as there’s this truck in the way and that’s an inconvenience .”
“Yeah Charlie and then what happened .”
“ Well I managed just to double park for a little while and into the shop I went and this fella now he’s standing there at the front of the door on a table. He’s one of these surveyors
“What do you mean a surveyor Charlie “
“Well he’s doing a survey on the Mallard Duck and he wants to talk to me about the Mallard duck “ .
“Yeah Charlie , but you don’t know anything about the Mallard duck .“
“‘That’s what I’m trying to tell him and now he’s getting cranky with me and he starts to say that I’m not being very cooperative because I don’t want to do the survey .“
“But Charlie that’s not fair .“
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you Midge . So I gets into the shop to get me glasses and I come out into the car and I’m trying to get out now of the car park and I’ll tell you what Midge . it’s a Sunday and I couldn’t believe the amount of drivers that are out there today .”
‘What do you mean Charlie .“
Well these Sunday drivers they are all trying to get out the same time as me out of the car park Midge “
“Yeah Charlie and what did you do next ?”
“ Well I’m waiting , They don’t use an indicator wether they’re turning right or turning left , now am I a mind reader Midge ?
“No you’re not a mind reader so what did you do then Charlie “
“Well I’m waiting and I’m waiting to see which one’s going right and which one’s going left and in the end one fella decides to turn right and at the last moment he decides he wants to turn left . How am I to know Midge .”
“Yeah Charlie then what did you do .“
“Well I’m getting a little bit upset now so I turned around to get back into the car park cause I couldn’t get out .“
“Yeah Charlie and then what happened .“
“I parked the car and I’m walking around trying to calm me self down and that fella came to back to me again about the Mallard duck and he wants me to do the survey . I told him I don’t want to do the survey .“
“Yeah Charlie and then what happened “
“Well now we stared to get angry the both of us , so I just happened to throw a punch or two . I didn’t mean any harm but he come to me the wrong way about the survey .”
“Aw Charlie don’t be telling me you got in a fight ,
“I didn’t bring it on Midge . He’s wanting to do the survey and I don’t want to do the survey .“
“ So then what happened Charlie “
Well now didn’t he go and call the police , The guards come out and they gave me a breathalyser .“
“ A breathalyser Charlie
:That’s right . Now there might have been a little bit of drink on me from last night . Cause you know I was out for a couple of light drinks that’s all , not much just a couple of drinks last night , Anyway there must have been the smell of drink still on me “
Oh Charlie then what happened . You didn’t fight with the guards
“No nothing like that but they seemed to think that I was over the limit .
‘Over the limit Charlie , what does that mean ?”
“Some alcohol in my system from last night I think ‘.
‘”So then what happened “
“Well they took me down to the station .I had to leave the car in the car park that I couldn’t get out of .
“ And then what happened Charlie caava .
:Well now the thing is I’ve lost me licence they say because I was slightly over the limit .“
“Slightly Charlie what are we going to do without a car now “
“Well now Midge you know the grey pony and the old cart well I’m going to have to saddle up the pony and trap ,“
“But Charlie the wheels are all broken on the trap . We can’t use it ”
That’s what I’m saying isn’t life sometimes a terrible inconvenience Midge .
There's a certain delight in peeking in on other peoples' troubles. And that's the way the story captured me. I loved the vernacular that I assume is Irish. There seem to be endless stories about Irish tipping a little too much.
There were a few words that were wrong or out of place and the punctuation was all over the place. Would take some correction before publication.
It's a rare occurrence when someone can pull off a story strictly by dialogue. I don't know about hooking up a pony to a cart as a viable solution to life's inconveniences.
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