Remember the Alamo...and Jesus
This is the ending to the 2016 elections that Jesus would actually support if he were asked in a kindly and forgiving way…
After surveying the rogue’s gallery of presidential nominees to high offices, and the potential candidates in the line of succession to the presidency, all rational people across the land are left to ponder: WTF? Is this what the lower half of the IQ curve had in mind when they voted? What’s more, can’t you hear in the distance immigration doors slamming shut around the world with this sign posted on them: “Closed to Americans. Try Again in Four Years.” Yes, we have apparently sealed our fate. Our voting outcomes are more or less like those who wanted to test the electric chair while sitting in it. Duh?
There is still a glimmer of hope. All the right wing ideologues are now salivating at the prospect of reinforcing the 2nd Amendment to include bazookas and portable atomic bombs, while repealing the rest of the Constitution; eliminating Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, unemployment insurance, aid to the aged, the disabled, and to dependent children; canceling tax credits for any reason; while turning on the printing presses and directing new giant streams of money into the coffers of their wealthy benefactors starting with the Koch brothers. With minimal planning, we could catch them while off their guards.
Oh yes, we would need only to lure the Pied Piper of Trump Towers to get out and about tuning up his fife and calling all his lemmings to gather in a long line while leading them down the primrose path to the Valley of the Shadow of Servitude, where they will spend eternity licking his boots and disgusting body parts along with his inner circle of Trump-a-teers.
And what about all the rest of us—a number that is 2 million longer than the line of lemmings? We had damned well better get organized fast, and to hell with our individual propensities to avoid joining into a group. In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, “This is war.” And fortunately for us, we are a lot smarter than Donald Trump and all his generals, ISIS and his plan to bomb Iran to the contrary notwithstanding.
And so, my fellow survivors, we need not abandon all hope. As a start, if we are not already there, we need to move to all the blue states. They are shown in the map attached to this epilogue (carefully disguised as an epitaph). This is a drastic move, but there is no rational reason to live among those whose minds are so pitifully drenched in the Kool Aid of extremism they can’t see through the darkness of their own brains and into the light of day. Besides, they have never been tested in cunning, crafty survival skills, or in the art of knowing and following the truth while under pressure. Indeed, any development later in time than 1950 confuses them.
Our objective would be to form a front along the western and northern borders of Jesusland. We would then begin a push toward Texas, a region well-known for its complete absence of functioning brain cells during daylight hours. Crunch time would come when we have them all corralled into that desolate region of tumbleweeds and rattlesnake excrement extending from the Rio Grande to the Gulf of Mexico. Then we would signal all the erstwhile immigrants across the border in Mexico to attack from the south. It would be as easy as stealing an election. They have been waiting for this opportunity since 1845 when James Polk et al. stole Texas from them. It would be “pay back” time for them, and liberation time for us.
Yes, but…wouldn’t the lemmings fight back? you may be asking. Of course they would. And they would follow their battle plan to the letter, namely: WWJD? (what would Jesus do?). Why these little darlings would have their pipelines pointing skyward and looking for a sign from heaven. We would be ready for them with 10,000 drones all blaring the same message: “Go father south. Go farther south. It is written.” And of course, they would stumble right into the hands of our Mexican brothers and sisters. I’m also pretty sure that is what Jesus would want: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. It’s only justice. The Mexicans wouldn’t find many teeth to extract from among the brethren, however. That is just the nature of right-wingism and inbreeding. Lemmings are also known more for their bark than their bite.
Suffice to say we would release them, but only after the Supremes signed an opinion that Hillary is and always was the winner of the 2016 election. All the House and Senate seats would also yield to proportionality, thus giving majorities to the Democrats. And then we would all live happily ever after, or until the next election, whichever came last.
