Short sketch about dinner at the Captains Table with a who done it murder theme attached
The Captains Table
A play - By Paul McCann
This play is set around a dinner table on a cruise ship out on the ocean in a place somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea where some look for romance , like ships in the night ,or others in search of something more lasting, like an anchor in their life . Then there are those others in need of an escape and so they sign up for a cruise to nowhere, but where ever they are and for whatever the reason they are there ,they all go where no one can follow , towards new horizons in search of a better tomorrow .
Yes it could never really be like this in reality . To be out there on the ocean with the captain and the crew , with nothing to do . No traffic or commotion just floating out on the ocean, like a spec at night with the stars up above and during the day they are castaways from life , under a big blue sky .
Cast of characters
The Captain
The Captains wife
Faith – The lover
Bill - The Policeman
Doc - The Doctor
Sid and Madge - The newlyweds
Nick - The Carer
Dave - The journalist
Dario - The Chef
The play begins
(She makes her way to the door of the dining room like an angel on the airs of grace pausing to talk to the Captain who is there at the door welcoming the passengers as they arrive for dinner. She pushed back her hair and smiled at the Captain and winked.)
Captain: “Hello Faith, would you please try to keep a low profile?”
Faith –“I’ll try my very hardest but sometimes my love, the heart rules the head . Well, tell me, what do you think?”
The Captain -:“Think about what?”
Faith -: “Don’t you notice anything different about me?”
The Captain -: “Ah of course. You have new glasses?”
Faith -: “No, take a closer look. ‘“
The Captain -:“New dress, isn’t it, yes and it’s very nice. The colour suits you?”
Faith -: “No, look again ‘“
Captain –“Ah,it must be the perfume “.
Faith -: “Wrong again.”
Captain: “New earrings?”
Faith -: “Give it up for Captain, so do you like my new hairstyle?
The Captain -: “I knew that’s what it was, I was just being silly. Yeah I like it and I think it makes you look much younger?”
Faith –“So are you saying I looked old before?”
The Captain -: “Of course not. It’s just another way of saying I like it.”
Faith –“You men, are all the same .You never say what you mean and you never mean what you say. So tell me who else is on the Captain’s table tonight. “
(A few more passengers make their way to the door and the Captain ushers Faith to one side and continues the conversation in a private space.)
Captain - “Well there’s a full table tonight, you and me, my wife and ...”
Faith: “Whoa , wait up did you say your wife?”
Captain “Yes, and her carer as well as our two little long haired Maltese terriers. “
Faith: “You have got to be kidding. “
Captain:” No I’m serious. “
Faith –“What, wait back up a minute did you say your wife is at the table tonight?”
Captain “Its fine, she doesn’t know you and you don’t know her. No problem.”
Faith: ‘No way love I’m not coming to dinner. ‘
Captain –“Its only for tonight, she’s getting off tomorrow. She’s seeing a specialist in Miami so please calm down. I need you to be at the table tonight.”
Faith –“You expect me to sit and eat with you and your wife. I’ll choke:”
Captain: “Faith relax. She can’t eat and her medication makes her sleepy. So just put up with her there for a little while. Please can you do this for me?”
Faith “The dogs are coming as well?”
Captain –“They’ll be in a cage behind her electric wheelchair, see now, nothing to worry about. “
Faith:-”What about her carer?”
Captain: His job is just to bring her to the table, spoon feed her and bring her back to her room. You know very well I love you and need you so don’t make an issue of this.’
Faith:-”Who else is at the table?”
Captain –“They’re a mixed bunch , a doctor , a police officer , a journalist and two 83 year old newlyweds .:”
Faith –“83 year old’s, my goodness what a wonderful way to spend their honeymoon I just hope they make it to the table ok. ?”
Captain –“Their local senior citizens club purchased them a mystery cruise for a wedding gift so here they are?”
Faith:” I thought they didn’t do mystery cruises anymore? “
Captain - “I’m told they are now called cruises to nowhere.”’
Faith: Talking about honeymoons I hope we don’t have to wait until we’re 83 to get a cruise to nowhere. I’m talking about now for you and me. How long must we wait? “
Captain - “Well the specialist in Florida was saying she might have six months left but they’re not sure. Now she made an appointment in Miami tomorrow with another specialist as she wants a second opinion. I’m sure it won’t be too long my love. Just be patient. “
Faith - “Patient is a long word. They said a year ago she wouldn’t survive more than a month and here she is,. She’s still here.”
Captain - “I’ know, listen after we have dinner and she’ gone to bed, I’ll come around to your room and we’ll have a little nightcap. That will be a nice way to end of the day and tomorrow she’ll be gone. “
Faith – “What’s on the menu?”
Captain – “Well I can’t wait to sample the creations of our new five star chef .They call him the stormy gourmet. Hard to get on with and constantly sings but he’s on the list of the top ten best chefs in the world. “
Faith –“So what’s he cooking for us tonight and has he got a name?”
Captain -“They call him Double D and tonight his dish for us is called , The Captains surprise. Don’t know much else about it?
Some of the crew approached the Captain and they had a quiet word with him. Faith noticed he looked concerned. The Captain nodded a few times and they left.
Faith: “Is there a problem “.
Captain: ‘Nothing major. It seems the new chef has just had a few drinks and was singing loudly in the bar and one of the passengers told him to keep his voice down. There was almost an incident, thankfully the ships security intervened. So now I have to go and settle the matter. Just some conflict resolution stuff. ”
Faith - “Sounds like you might have trouble in the kitchen.”
Captain - “Good chefs are hard to find these days and talented people do have moods. Sometimes passengers can be very demanding and arrogant. See you in about a half hour at my table and don’t stress, it will be fine. “
(The Captain walked away and Faith was about to wave and blow a kiss when she saw a woman in an electric wheelchair making her way over the table. She had 2 small dogs in a cage that was mounted behind her wheelchair. Beside her was her carer who kept up with the wheelchair. With one hand he was pulling a trolley with an oxygen tank on it and with his other hand he carried a face mask and some plastic tubing. The woman in the wheelchair steered her way to the Captains table where the carer proceeded to administer some oxygen to her. Faith watched from a distance as one by one the other guests arrived to the Captains table. Then she went over and sat down herself for dinner. Faith looked uneasy and she stared at the Captain when he arrived at the table and sat down).
Faith: “Excuse me I need to go to the bathroom “
The Captain sensed something was wrong and asked to be excused from the table. He caught up with Faith outside the games room. It was dark and no one was around.
Captain: “Hey, what’s your problem? “
Faith: “It’s nothing, I just need some space. “
Captain: “I’ve known you for a while and I know somethings wrong. What’s your problem?”
Faith: “You had to bring her here. Didn’t you? “
Captain: (He put his arms around her)” You know I love you Faith so what’s
the problem?”
(The Chef was sitting nearby, unseen and overheard their conversation. When the Captain and Faith embraced, the chef made an exit unnoticed)
Faith: “I really wish you had told me that she was coming on the cruise. “
Captain -“Ok, don’t make me feel guilty. Relax. Come on. “
Faith-” You know we have something special. So how do you think I feel. Do you think I am ok with her at our table making eyes at you and talking as if she’s yours? “
Captain-“What are you talking about Faith? ‘“
Faith –“We have a relationship and she’s not part of that. This woman is nothing to me and I don’t even know why she is here?”
Captain –“Can’t you just ignore her. I’ve never seen you act like this before. “
“Faith-‘What’s the point trying to make you understand. I am now a captive here. There’s nowhere for me to go. This evening will now be a bad memory for me. “
Captain- “Somehow I thought you would accept her in our company. It shouldn’t change the way we feel about each other.”
Faith-“Can we just drop it. You know what. I need to eat something. How long before dinner will be served? “
Captain-: “Not too much longer ok, so let’s do that. Let’s return to our table and have a few drinks and pretend she’s not even there. “
Faith- (Laughing) “It’s kind of weird isn’t it?”
Captain -“Weird, like how?”
Faith – “Me at your table eating with your wife and she has no idea that we are lovers. “
Both of them began to laugh.
Captain-“True, listen you go back first and I’ll be there shortly.”
Faith made her way back to the Captains table and sat down beside the newlyweds . She looked at them and tried to be friendly.
Faith – “My what a beautiful couple you are. How did you both meet?”
The Husband: - “We met at our over 80’s singles social club.”
The Wife - “We went on outings together for over three years .”‘
The Husband “- Well I said to Madge, about a month ago. Madge you know what ever since we met , I’ve never been attracted to another woman . “
The Wife: - “And I looked at Sid and said, you know what Sid neither have I. “
The Husband:-“And then we both burst out laughing and that’s when I asked her to marry me and there and then she said she would and we’re still laughing. “
The Wife : :Well thing is I told him , Sid we’re not getting any younger , then I said , we better not waste any more time . Let’s do that thing with the ring. “
Everybody started to laugh and at that moment The Captain returned to the table and sat down. There was a lull in the laughter and everyone looked at the Captain.
The Captains Wife – (Coughing and spluttering) ‘Well how nice of you to join us Darling. “
The Captain -“Sorry everyone I had a little problem to sort out. Well you all seem to be getting acquainted which is good. Now that you have all got to know one another. May I say hello and how welcome you are to the Captains table.”
Everyone responded and applauded and laughed .There was a warm atmosphere there and the Captain called over the waiter.
Captain”- “A bottle of the Captains favourite French Champagne please. “
The waiter – “Of Course Captain. “
Faith-: So Captain, now that you’re with us maybe you could share a little about your life. How long have you been at sea?”
Captain-‘“Actually I was born on a ship. My parents were Irish emigrants on their way to Ellis Island, so I guess I’ve been at sea all my life. “
The Captains Wife- (Stopping for a breath between words) “He always gets asked that question. I’m his wife by the way. “
The doctor at the table stood up and went over to her side. Suddenly she began shaking and the Doctor assisted to make her more comfortable. He loosened her clothing and asked the carer for help. They took her out of the wheelchair and placed her on the ground in an open space. The Doctor asked the carer for a brief handover of her condition and what medications she was prescribed. After a few moments the episode passed and she was ok. Her carer handed a list of her medication and suggested she be returned to her room for a rest. The doctor and the carer placed her back into her wheelchair.
Carer: - “You will have to excuse us everyone, I’ll just put her to bed now .Think she’s had enough excitement for one day .Good night everyone .We’ll be disembarking in the morning Captain.”
Captain:-“If there is anything she needs let me know. I’ll see that things are taken care of. You have my phone number?”
The Carer –‘Yes, I’ll call you later this evening to let you know how she is. “
Doctor: - “I am here if you should need me before you leave, just call. Here is my card. … (The doctor produced a business card from his suit pocket).
Carer: - “Thank you I will, Good night. “
The carer switched over the control to manual and made an exit just before the waiter brought the brought the food plates on a tray.
Doctor: How long has your wife had MS Captain?”
Captain: - “She was diagnosed ten years ago. More recently she started having seizures and now she has a problem with her liver.”
The waiter placed a plate in front of everyone except for the Captain.
Faith -: “Excuse me, what kind of fish is that?
Waiter-“Its Sea Perch madam.”
Captain “- Looks tasty, is that a cheese sauce its swimming in?”
Waiter: - ‘Captain, that’s the Chef’s own recipe and he refuses to share that secret with anyone. He calls it , a seafood surprise. Your plate is coming soon Captain. The Chef is just adding a few extra decorations. ‘
The Waiter left and everyone waited for the Captain’s plate to arrive before they started eating .The champagne arrived and the Captain was offered a glass first. He nodded his approval before everyone had their glass filled. The captain raised his glass and everyone else did the same.
Captain –“I have a few good reasons for drinking and one has just entered my head , if I can’t drink when I’m living how the hell can I drink when I’m dead .“
Policeman –“I’ll drink to that. “
Everyone laughed and they all emptied their glass. The waiter arrived with the Captains dinner and they all started to eat.
Doctor: - Are you ok Captain?”
Captain :- ( He seemed to be choking) “Can’t breathe”
Faith –“Oh my God what’s the matter?”
The Captain collapsed and the Doctor rushed to attend. He checked for breathing and immediately began CPR and after a minute he asked if someone could take over. The Policeman obliged. The doctor checked for a pulse.
Doctor –“I’m very sorry to say the Captain is dead. “
Faith-(Screaming aloud) “He can’t be dead.”
(The policeman noted the reaction of Faith and began to take an interest)
Doctor –“Sorry, there is nothing that can be done.”
Faith –“You’re a Doctor, can’t you do something?”
Doctor –“I’m just a doctor. I can’t raise the dead.”’
Faith –“(Crying uncontrollably) Oh no, please this can’t be.
(The Policeman went over beside Faith and put his arms around to comfort her and asked)
The Policeman-:”So have you known the Captain for very long?”
Faith-”Ah no, I just met him tonight. The thing is it’s just so frightening to have someone pass away right in front of you like that. I’m just shocked. “
The Doctor went over and quietly spoke to the Policeman
The Doctor –“Could I have a word in private with you officer?
They walked away into a private space. The Doctor looked troubled.
Policeman –“What’s the problem Doc?”
Doctor –“I think something is not right here. “
Policeman -: What are you trying to tell me, do you think a crime has been committed?”
Doctor – “Well the colour of the Captains skin is almost cherry red in colour which is a sign of poisoning. It could indicate foul play or a possible suicide.”
Policeman –“Thank you Doc. Could you look after things for a brief moment I need to inform the Captains wife what has happened and establish a crime scene here. I have to make some calls and notify my superiors of this situation and get some back up here by helicopter. I’d appreciate your help .”
Doctor –“Ok, leave it with me. I’ll watch the Fort until you get back.”
Policeman -“Thanks Doc, much appreciated, just keep people away from the
Captains body until I get back. Could you do that Doc?’
Doctor –“Sure thing. Just a word of warning sir, it may be that you will have to remove the Captains clothes because if he has been poisoned there is a good chance that some left over poison could be on left on his clothing and making contact with that would be fatal to anyone who might try move him or touch him. .”
The dining room was now filled with chatter. The Doctor made his way to the Captains table and asked people to move away from the body. He asked for people to remain calm and kept his suspicions to himself. The Policeman went to find what room the Captains wife was in to give her the tragic news about her husband’s death. The Doctor cleared the area around the table and waited for the policeman to return. The journalist who was at the table was busy talking to people in the room and making some notes. Some of the ships staff where mingling and talking to the passengers. The Policeman returned with Nick, the carer of Captains wife who stood quietly there beside him.
The Carer –“Is it ok if I just have a look and say a prayer over the body?”
Policeman –“You may but please do not touch anything”.
The Carer –“No problem. “
The journalist who was at the Captains table approached the policeman .
Journalist –“Hello officer my name is Dave, I work with mainstream media. Would it be true to say that the Captain has been murdered?”
Policeman - “I’m not asking Dave, I’m telling you. Put away your camera and do not go spreading any stories or make anything public until a formal investigation has been carried out. There will be a media conference once we have established what has occurred.”
Journalist –“Ok no problem so let’s get this show on the road. Wow, what a story. The Cruise Ship Killer. “
Policeman –“Don’t let me tell you again Dave. Nothing is to be released at this point in time. Do you get my drift?”
Journalist ‘” Hey Chill Bill, I get the message. “
Policeman –“Ok now back off and no questions. “
Policeman – “(Shouting) Ladies and Gentlemen. May I have your attention please. My name is Detective Bill Williams. Everybody must remain here in the dining room, no one is to leave. A helicopter is on its way with a forensic team and other police officers .I ask you to cooperate with us in our investigations. This area is now a crime scene until further notice. “
When the carer made his way from the dining room the Policeman noticed he was carrying a gun. He called the journalist over and hinted to follow him. Both of them followed the carer back to the cabin where the Captains wife was staying.
“The Policeman. “ Listen up Dave. I want you to record and write down anything you hear “
Both of them stood at the door and listened to the conversation inside the room.
The Captains wife - : Well, tell me. Is he dead?”
The Carer –“He is, but it was someone else who did it. “
The Captains Wife -“What do you mean, I hired you to get rid of him and you’re saying it was someone else?”
The Carer-“That’s right, someone beat me to it. I never got the chance.”
Policeman –“Dave, did you get all that? “
The Journalist -: I sure did ‘“
Policeman –“Good give it to me. It’s not for publication, its evidence. Got it?
The Journalist –“Got it “
Policeman –“Good “
The Journalist – “Now what?”
Policeman – “Just watch and say nothing . “
Bill knocked on the cabin door, the two dogs inside began barking. The carer opened up the door and Bill walked inside followed by the Journalist. There was a weird silence as Bill pointed to the mobile phone in hand.
Policeman –“Everything you just said has been recorded and I have a witness to it all. Nick you are under arrest for suspicion of murder and intent to murder the Captain. “
The Captains Wife – “No, No! This can’t be happening. There must be a mistake, he is my carer. “
Policeman: - “Well Madam you seem to have taken a speedy recovery and make no mistake it is happening and we are going to find out what has happened. You are also under arrest as an accessory to murder. I need you both to accompany me now to my office and your place of temporary internment, the cool room of the kitchen where you will be held until we dock tomorrow. “
The Carer –“I don’t believe this. It’s not possible. I am innocent, what’s going on. Help me, can somebody please help me? “
The policeman reached over and took the handgun from its holster inside the jacket.
The Policeman -: So what do you use this for? Taking blood pressure?.
The Carer – “Hey that’s my personal property. “
The Policeman –“Now its Police property. Now both of you come with me. ”
They were taken to the kitchen and placed in the cool room. When the policeman went back to the dining room he saw the Doctor giving some tablets to Faith.
Doctor –“Here, these will help “.
She reached out and took the tablets and swallowed them with the water provided. The two newlyweds approached.
The Husband –“You know we take medication every day. It does help.”
The Wife - “He always forgets to take his, so I take them for him. “
(Faith started laughing. The policeman called everyone’s attention)
Policeman – “We now have company. The helicopter has arrived and we have things to get sorted .So would everyone please be seated.
The investigations begun.
One by one the police from the helicopter made their way to the dining room and minutes after a brief consultation they went into action, The Captains clothes were removed. His mobile phone was checked. Photos of Faith were found. The Captains room turned up other interesting items. Some letters were gathered, a number of love letters from Faith surfaced as did some very disturbing letters, issuing death threats if the Captain continued to his relationship with Faith. The police started questioning Faith about those letters while Bill read through the letters looking for a connection and suspecting they were from the Captains wife. Meanwhile a search of the Captains wife’s cabin produced some photos and documents that confirmed she had hired a private detective and that she was aware her husband was having an affair with Faith. Further enquiries were made about Nick, the carer and records were found. He had been convicted of murder ten years previous and had a list of other convictions to his name. He also had no accreditation for the work that he was doing as a carer. Things seemed to fall into place. Bill knew Nick had a motive and a premeditated plan to kill the Captain and as far as he was concerned that was as good as guilty. That evening Bill arranged for the dogs to be kept by the staff on the ship while the two suspects were taken and locked up in an old cool room in the kitchen. Later that night Bill went to check on his prisoners and found the Chef was still working in the kitchen .As he went in the Chef was singing away. Bill checked the whiteboard with the breakfast orders and menus for the morning. A cold shiver ran through Bill as he noticed that the handwriting on the noticeboard was similar to that on the death threats. For a while he just looked at the handwriting on the board before speaking. He knew he was on to something.
Policeman –“You’re quite a talented singer. Why cook when you can be a singer?”
The Chef- “Well I learned that I can do both and still get paid.”
The Policeman –“(Reaching out his hand) I never formally introduced myself. My name is Bill and I’m pleased to meet you Chef “
The Chef –“My name is Dario. “
The Policeman -: Would you mind if I took a selfie photo of us. It’s just a shot of my holiday cruise Dario.
The Chef –“No problem.”
Bill took out his mobile phone and took a few photos of himself and Dario.
The Policeman- “Tell me Dario, how long have you been a Chef?”
The Chef –“Ever since I can remember. How long have you been a policeman?”
The Policeman-“As long as I can remember and that’s a long time. “
The Chef –“How are the prisoners in the old cool room?”
The Policeman-“They’re doing much better now that the cooling is turning off. “
The Chef – We never use that old room. It’s a back- up , just in case. “
The Policeman “Well it’s come in handy. Thanks. I appreciate it. “
The Chef-“Always glad to help the police. So, those two in the cool-room there is it true they murdered the Captain? “
The Policeman –“We’re still investigating, so tell me Dario do you have to write down all this stuff on the whiteboard or does someone else make those notes.”
The Chef –“You must be kidding. I wouldn’t trust anyone to make my kitchen notes. I do all of that myself. “
The Policeman –“Well I admire that Dario, now that’s what I call dedication
Dario. You’ll have to excuse me I left something in my office. I’ll be back shortly.”
The Chef –“Well Bill, I’ve almost finished the Prep for breakfast in the morning Do you have the spare keys to the kitchen and cool room.”
The Policeman –“Yes, I do. Thanks Dario. Catch you later“
Bill walked away and the Chef continued singing and finishing off the breakfast prep. Just before turning off the lights in the kitchen Bill walked in the door.
The Chef “Back so soon Bill?”
The Policeman -:” Yeah leave the lights on I have some work to do. “
The Chef-“Ok, See you in the morning “
The Chef left the kitchen and Bill took out the death threat letters from his pocket and confirmed that the handwriting on the whiteboard was identical to that on the letters. Now he had a new suspect and started making enquiries about Dario the Chef. One of the other police officers on the ship contacted Bill about Faith. She knew about the death threat letters. Apparently they were made by her old boyfriend who was jealous that Faith was in a relationship with the Captain. Her old boyfriend was a singer in a band and he had been jealous of her relationship with the Captain since they broke up . Faith had not seen or had any contact with him until the death threats began . Bill asked the police officer if he could bring her to the kitchen as he needed to question her further. While he was waiting Bill went into the cool-room and spoke briefly with his prisoners. A short time after that Faith was brought in to the kitchen .
The Policeman – ‘Well hello Faith. Take a seat would you:”
Faith-“Hello Bill. I’m sorry about all the secrecy before . “
The Policeman –“The thing I’ve learned in life Faith is that the truth always comes out in the end. “
Faith-“It’s a woman’s privilege to protect her dignity. “
The Policeman – “Faith, I’m going to show you some photos of two people. One of them is myself and I want you to tell me if you have ever seen the other man in the photo before ?”
He showed Faith the photos he took previously on his mobile phone of the Chef and himself.
Faith – (Screaming) Oh my God, it’s Dario. Where did you get that photo?”
The Policeman – “I took them earlier this evening . So you were unaware that Dario is the Chef on board the ship?”
Faith. “No I wasn’t aware of that “
The Policeman: Faith, I think I may have found the murderer. I can’t be certain until the autopsy tomorrow determines the cause of death. Meanwhile you must tell no one about this. For your own safety I will place you under police protection until we make an arrest. “
Faith “I can’t believe that Dario was on board this ship. “
The Policeman -“Did the Captain not know what he looked like?”
Faith “No, see Dario and I, we never had many photos taken. He was kind of weird. He would often talk to people who weren’t there, you know , so once I saw that. I broke off with him. “
The Policeman – Ok obviously he knows you’re on the ship so I’m going to move you into a room with one of my officers. Have you anything you need to get from your room?’
Faith -: “Nothing really important.”
Bill called one of his men to collect Faith. A search of the kitchen produced a bottle of Cyanide. Now he had some solid evidence. Bill was sure there would be some fingerprints on the bottle s. He put the bottle safely away in a plastic food wrapper bag for forensics. Morning came and the ship docked in the Port .Before breakfast the Captains body was taken away for an autopsy.
Bill waiting patiently for the results and it didn’t take very long.
Cyanide poisoning was confirmed.
Faith had asked to be there when Dario was arrested.
Later that day, Bill along with his fellow officers went into the kitchen to make the arrest.
The Policeman – “Dario D Spinelli, you are under arrest for the murder of the Captain. “
The Chef – “What are you talking about?
The Policeman- (Holding up the letters and the bottle of Cyanide) your fingerprints are all over the bottle and your handwriting is on these death threats.”
Faith walked into the kitchen.
Faith –“How could you do something like this? You’re a monster Dario “
The Chef – It’s all your fault, you bitch.”
The Policeman-“Release those other two from the cool-room and take this piece of garbage away.”
The police handcuffed Dario. As he was taken away he screamed
The Chef:” You bitch, a man cannot live without love. “
Prime-Time Crime Time (600 pages) is a collection of 35 fictional crime/detective stories and the work is author Jay Dubya's 43rd published hardcover/paperback book.
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