Hey you.

I see you.

Yeah you...the guy with the big ears, moist nose, and dumb look in his eyes.

Yeah, I'm talking to you... so come over here now.

Just a bit of advice to you, the new guy in town.

I know, I know, you're the center of attention today, tomorrow, and god knows how much longer. 

Just wanted to let you know I've heard and seen enough.

Now listen, I'm talking and this is my show, not yours.

Who do you think you are?  She got you that couch from Ikea. Made it nice and comfty for you. Blanket and all to boot. 

Who do you think you are Mr. Big stuff? 

You got good food, two scoops daily and not to mention stuff off the table. I get it. You're pretty fast--- acting like you had nothing to eat all day.  

Then you eat my food and not to mention the cat litter...stuff.

So what's this ranting all about? 

See that cat tower? That's mine. Not yours.

See that blanket there near the fireplace? That's mine. Not ours to share.

See that food bowl? Off limits all the time. I gotta eat too. 

Oh yeah, one more thing: when I'm trying to enter this house, please don't block the way or lick me in the face. I hate that. Can't stand it.

I need to tell you I was first here and not you. I claim full squatter rights.

Not you, ever.

No worries, I think we are going to get along just fine.

And now we understand each other, quit pretending to be the cat of this house.