An American grad student goes out into the desert seeking guidance for her career. She finds answers that change her life.
SINGULARITY
Flat on her back in the arid mountain meadow, Jenna stares into the face of the cosmos. Marveling at the beauty and immensity of the starry sky, she contemplates the implications of the Big Bang theory and wonders just how fast all those stars are moving away from the site where she is sprawled on the surface of a tiny pebble hanging in the gravitational field of a minor star, Sol, in a corner of the Known Universe.
A new thought fills her mind so suddenly that it almost makes her sit up in surprise. Only the glory of a meteorite streaking all the way across the sky holds her in place as the thought gives birth to a cascade of epiphanies tumbling through her mind.
If, thinks Jenna, the structure of the great universe was derived from a single point---the singularity that started the whole thing ---is it possible that each individual person grows in the same way the universe-as-a-whole expands---starting from an infinitely smaller singularity: the tiny ball that was derived from the union of sperm and egg? Could the expansion of that tiny human singularity mimic the expansion of the universe as the cells that would define the physical body of the new person expand out from the center of that union throughout the stages of pregnancy, and then move out from their origin as they leave the mother’s body and become immersed into the gravity of the family and home? The process of maturity increases the expansion from the child’s beginning when it travels out into the world and makes other people and places part of its universe, as it rushes forward in the dimension of time. And as its life unspools, it continues to travel further, and its universe becomes larger, encompassing more and more of the planet until death carries it outside of the physical universe, perhaps to another dimension entirely.
“Wow,” she says out loud to herself, wondering if she’d just had an original idea, something as truly rare and hard to quantify as a Higgs boson particle. While doubtful, the possibility both intrigues and exhilarates her.
Entranced in her thoughts, she almost misses the sound of footsteps coming her way through the darkness surrounding her. She quickly determines that more than one person are walking nearby, and they are attempting to move silently. Adrenaline rushes through her body. Never before has she run into anyone else in this spot in the Organ Mountains, the secret sanctuary she frequents to gaze at the stars and ponder the questions of life. The Mexican border is very close. She wonders if the people she hears approaching are illegal immigrants or perhaps drug smugglers. Images and stories from the newspaper about Mexican cartels and dismembered bodies float to the surface of her mind, and a shiver of fear runs up her spine. Something like that would most definitely be far outside of the furthest reaches of her known universe on Earth.
Jenna lays silently in a prone position in hope they will pass her by and leave her reality unscathed. As she holds her breath, she hears something unexpected: the cry of a baby, followed by a whisper in Spanish. Surprised, she stands and spots---not five feet away---two women crouching close to the ground, one of them holding an infant. They look at her fearfully.
Their eyes mirror the same anxiety she’d felt when she’d been imagining beefy-looking drug lords just seconds ago so she holds up her hands to show peaceful intent. She says, “Don’t be afraid. I’m just here watching the stars.”
One of the women exhales with relief, smiles, and says, “It is a beautiful night.”
“Oh, you speak English.”
The other woman adds, “Of course we do. We’ve lived in the United States half of our lives.”
The first woman chides her friend, “Be kind, chica. She seems like a nice woman.”
Jenna says, “I’m sorry if I offended you. I was just a little surprised when I saw you. And I have to admit I was scared.”
Both women seemed to relax.
“I have some food and water. Would you like to sit and share?”
The first woman says, “Si. I am Maria. This is my … friend, Rosa, with our … her son, Michael. We would appreciate some food and water. This journey has been…not what we expected. Much harder than we expected.”
Jenna retrieves a blanket out of her bag, spreads it on the ground, and empties the provisions onto the blanket. “Come, eat.”
Rosa pulls an empty baby bottle from her pocket. “May I use some of the water for my nino?”
Jenna hands her the thermos. “Of course. As much as you need.”
Maria takes a knife from her pocket. Jenna spots the blade and freezes, staring at its lethal appearance.
Maria laughs, picks up a sandwich, and cuts it into three pieces. “Don’t worry, amiga, we are not the bad hombres your president talks about.”
Jenna blushes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay, amiga. I would be frightened of people I met in the wild on a dark night too.” Rosa laughs as she guides the bottle nipple into Michael’s mouth.
“My name is Jenna.”
“Jenna, thank you so much for the American hospitality. You are like the lady statue in New York…the Statue of Liberty,” says Maria as she bites into the sandwich.
Jenna blushes with pleasure at Maria’s words. Embracing the vision, she adds, “I’d like to help you more if I can. Where are you going?”
Maria hesitates and then shrugs. “We are going to Nevada.”
“I could drive you there. My SUV is just about a quarter mile away, down the path by a rest area.”
Maria stops eating and stares at the young woman sitting across from her on the blanket under the stars. “That is a very kind offer. If you mean it, we accept.”
Uncertain why she suddenly feels so determined, Jenna resolves to help these strangers who’d wandered into her life in the desert night. The bond formed in their unique meeting is greatly strengthened by the fact that their appearance had jolted her from the desperate frame of mind which had driven her out to the Organ Mountains to watch the sky earlier in the evening. The magnificence of the stars had relaxed her enough to deescalate the dark thoughts that were troubling her soul, but her mind had still been shadowed with clouds of doubt. When these three travelers had stepped into her world, the clouds had disappeared, taking all thought of anything outside of the moment from her. Reflecting on the thoughts she’d had immediately before they entered her radar, she realizes she had lost the thread of what might be original thought in the excitement of being important to the life of another human being. She decides that the change afforded by her encounter with the realities of other human beings with was well worth the loss of thoughts that might be original.
She smiles at her new friends and says, “I do.”
They gather the remains of their impromptu picnic and hike down the rise to the rest stop. There they climb into the vehicle, Rosa settling in the back seat with the baby, and Maria in the front passenger’s seat staring out at the desert landscape now lit by the silvery light of the late rising moon. Jenna turns the key and they roar down the desert road into the night.
Jenna asks, “So where are we going in Nevada?”
Maria responds, “To my parents’ home just outside of Las Vegas.”
“If your parents live here, why did you have to come across the border like that?”
“You are such an innocent, dear Jenna. Just what I would expect from a beautiful person who goes alone into the desert night just to watch the stars glow. My parents are undocumented … what many Americans call illegals. They have lived here for twenty years. My father is a gardener and my mother works as a maid in Las Vegas. My brothers live in Vegas too. One of them came here as an infant with my parents twenty years ago and the other is a citizen. He was born here.”
“So why were you in Mexico?”
Rosa snorts and says, “You think our people would not want to return home to poor Mexico?”
“No, Mexico is a beautiful country. I’ve traveled there some. I just thought … it would be easy to come here if your family is already here.”
Maria laughs. “Stand down, Rosa. You continue to misunderstand this woman.” She turns to Jenna. “It is not so easy for us to come and go. In order to come in legally, we would have to show more money than we have. The rules are very strict even for just a visit. They require that we show we can support ourselves here which would require that we show where we will be staying. That would bring attention to my parents’ home where some of the people are undocumented. We cannot do that.”
“I see.”
“Not all Americans are as kind as you, star gazer. That said, I know that---for many---their anger is the result of fear and unhappiness with the path their country has taken.”
“When were you last in the United States?”
“We left for Mexico last year. My Rosa was pregnant, and we wanted to go home for the birth.”
“Really? I would have thought you’d want to stay here where medical care is more available.”
Rosa cannot control her incredulity. “Really, gringa? You do seem to be a very nice … actually a wonderful … woman, but you should get your facts straight.”
“Oh.”
Maria laughs. “We went to Mexico for better medical care. My home country has universal health care for every person. Here the choices are too limited. Good care is available only with the best insurance which we could not afford.”
Rosa adds, “And another reason we had to tramp through the desert at night---terrified we’d run into someone bad---is because we brought drugs with us. We were afraid we’d never get them through the border.”
“You have drugs with you?” Jenna’s voice rises. She really doesn’t want to risk the terrible consequences of being caught with illegal drugs in her vehicle.
Maria says softly, “Don’t worry, star gazer. We have blood pressure pills for my mother and stomach medicine for my father. These are very cheap in Mexico and very expensive here. That’s why we decided to make the crossing now. We heard from my brother that my parents were not able to buy their medication because the price had gone up. We were worried their conditions could worsen or they could die. Otherwise, we would never have risked the crossing now with Michael so young. It was a very difficult choice for us, but we thought it would be much easier to cross than it turned out to be.”
“That was very brave.”
“No braver than seeking the silence of the dark desert night all alone … just to gaze at the stars.”
“That’s a necessity for me.”
“As was our trip for us.”
“We’re about to go through Las Cruces, and I need to fill up. We can get some milk for Michael too … and maybe a little more satisfying food.”
Rosa says, “That sounds good to me.”
Maria adds, “Rosa…we can’t ask for that. The milk maybe, but she’s already doing so much.” She turns to Jenna. “We have no money with us. We were robbed after we crossed the border by … bad men who took everything …. That’s why we seem so … ill prepared.”
“But … How did you save the drugs for your parents? I don’t mean to pry, but it seems strange that they would take everything and leave … that.”
Rosa spits out, “Que eran cerdos!”
Maria says soothingly, “I know they were pigs, my dear. But they were also estupido … stupid. They came upon us when I had wandered away to … urinate. I heard them and concealed this.” She holds up the bag that had been on the floor by her feet. “This is the bag that holds my parents medications, enough for many months. I had carried it with me because it also contains a roll of toilet paper. All of our other possessions were there beside Rosa when they … captured her.”
“They captured nothing! They took what they could, but they took nothing of me no matter what they may think.”
“I’m so sorry, dear Rosa. I tried to protect you…”
With a sudden realization, Jenna looks at Rosa’s face in the rear view mirror and sees anger and pain.
“Did they … hurt you?”
Rosa narrows her eyes. “They were weaklings. They could not hurt me.” She laughs bitterly. “But Maria put a hurting on them.”
“I could not let them go unscathed from their actions.”
Rosa shrugs. “It was better that I was raped by hyenas than that we were captured by border guards. Where would we be then?”
Jenna stutters, “What … What did you do?”
Rosa smiles. “She put the fear of God in those dogs.”
Maria laughs. “I don’t think God would enter any part of those two, but I was able to stab one of them in the leg and the other in the shoulder. That slowed them down so they could not catch us as we ran. Unfortunately, one of them had already … harmed Rosa before I got there.”
“You stabbed them with the same knife…”
“Yes, dear Jenna, the same knife that I used to cut our sandwich. But don’t worry. I cleaned it very thoroughly. First I wiped it on the cactus and stabbed it through the flesh of the cactus, and then I wiped it in the sand, and finally on my skirt. I wanted to destroy every trace of those bad men.”
Her mind reeling, Jenna asks, “Do you think … I mean … is it possible that they’re … dead?”
Rosa says, “I could only hope so … they deserve death for treating a woman like a dog, even though that one’s pena was so small it could hurt no woman.”
Maria says, “Perhaps, Rosa. But they would not be dead from the little nicks I gave them. I had no desire to kill them, only to hobble them so we could get away. And I doubt seriously that those two would tell anyone it was a woman who bested them in the desert night.”
“I see.” Jenna’s mind races into overdrive. She wonders if Maria’s actions would be considered self-defense or a crime; and if she’d become a part of a crime by helping the two women escape from the scene where it occurred. However, the concern shrinks to nothing in light of the immediate sense of loyalty and love that had sprung up inside of her for these women who came to her in the night like beacons of light guiding her through a storm. The break they brought from her own reality feels welcome to Jenna, especially after being completely lost in a quagmire of conflicting emotions in the hours before their meeting. In the last week, her boyfriend had left her for another woman who happened to be her best friend. And, if that hadn’t been enough, she’d been raked over the coals by her major professor that day about the conclusions she’d reached in her master’s thesis. These events conspired to create doubt for her about every part of her life and collapse her into a state of woe. Only a few hours ago, it had seemed everything she cared about had deserted her, that her life was crashing all around her. But now her problems seem miniscule in the wake of what these women had experienced in the same time frame.
They drive on in silence. After a few moments, Jenna hears snores from the back seat.
Maria sighs and whispers, “You must forgive Rosa for her anger. She has been raped twice now. The first time she became pregnant.”
Jenna feels tears welling up in her eyes. “Oh, how sad. When did the first rape happen?” Jenna asks, suddenly curious about the identity of Michael’s father.
“You are correct in your thoughts. Both of her rapes occurred here in the great United States, not by the Mexican rapists your president speaks of, but by stupid young white men filled with ignorance and anger. The boys who raped her tonight were driving a big truck … with tires as tall as me. It was like a … what do you call it … dune buggy … but much bigger, raping the land with its ferocity when they came upon Rosa feeding Michael. Before I got back, one of them had sodomized her. The other had poured out our water and was urinating on our food. He said we should be fine without water because we were wetbacks. And he claimed the food would be better than most of what we ate … since he added his ‘secret sauce.’”
“She must hate white men.”
“No. Neither of us hate because of color …. Color is not a thing that matters. It is the heart that matters. We have both met many very fine white men, many who willingly put themselves at risk to help brown people. No, color should never be a thing that matters.”
“So, are you and Rosa…married?”
“Ah … you see us as we are. Yes, we were married in Mexico. The government made same sex marriage there legal. We hadn’t married here in the States because we were afraid to expose ourselves to the government …. And now we would be afraid the new vice president will find a way to make it illegal. It is a thing of concern to us all … all the lesbian women I know …. This hatred for the other held by so many in this country. But you, star gazer, do not seem to carry any trace of that vile feeling.”
“Ah, here’s a gas station with a store. I guess we can eat breakfast later when we get up the road a way. I know a pancake place out on the Navajo res that is fabulous, and it’s right on the way. But I’ll pick up some milk and a few snacks in the store to tide us over.”
Jenna pulls up to the gas tanks and stops.
Maria starts to open the door and says, “I’ll pump.”
Jenna extends her hand across the car. “Here’s my credit card. Just swipe it for the gas.”
Maria smiles. “So … you trust me that much?”
Jenna swallows involuntarily and thinks about what she’s about to do: leave her keys in the SUV and hand her credit card to a woman who’d just illegally entered the country and stabbed two men. She searches her mind for any hint that she’s gone over the edge. With a laugh, she says, “I guess I seem a little crazy.”
Maria shakes her head. “No, star gazer. You seem like an angel.”
Jenna shrugs and walks away, hoping her judgment isn’t completely askew and that she’d return to a vehicle filled with gas, still there by the tanks. An old pickup truck with extremely oversized tires pulls up just as she enters the store. She glances at the tires and wonders how someone could want a vehicle that has to be actually climbed aboard.
Once in the aisles of the store, she goes a little crazy---buying sodas, water, milk, chips, baby food, and cookies. It would be at least a hundred miles before they make it to the restaurant where she plans to stop, and she isn’t sure exactly how hungry the other women might be.
When she walks to the counter to check out, the two men who’d arrived in the pickup truck walked in.
One of them says, “I tell you, it’s her. The bitch is out there. And we need to do something.”
The other man says, “That’s crazy. Where would those two wetbacks get a nice vehicle like that?”
“She could’ve stolen it.”
“Nah. You’re just paranoid.”
Jenna watches them in the rounded mirror behind the counter as the clerk totals up her purchase. She feels a stab of fear in her gut that grows as she notices that one of the men limps and the other favors one arm as he pulls six packs of beer from the cooler. She knows she is almost surely in the presence of the two rapists who’d been stabbed by the intrepid Maria. She glances nervously outside and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that Maria is already inside the car, and Rosa is still lying in the back seat with Michael, unseen.
The clerk says, “The baby food is on sale. You could get two more for free.”
Jenna says, “No …. That’s okay.”
The man who’d been the driver of the truck looks at her suspiciously. He stares hard at her face, but turns away as she takes her bags and walks to the door.
Jenna tries to keep her walk and the way she carries herself as casual and normal as she can, but she wants nothing more than to get out the door and take off into the night.
The man standing at the counter calls out, “Hey, lady, where’s the baby?”
Jenna pretends she hadn’t heard him and continues to walk away.
Stepping out the door into the parking lot, she hears footsteps behind her and feels a hand on her arm. Glancing over her shoulder, she sees the man’s young dirty face glaring at her.
“I asked you a question …”
The other filthy young man, who seems only slightly more in control of himself, rushes out and grabs his friend’s arm. “Hey, what the hell are you doing?”
“I was just asking her a question. It’s polite to answer a person’s question, and she was just walking away like she ruled the world.”
Jenna holds her breath in fear, feeling the hatred and anger welling up in the man who stands beside her, animating his face and even his body. She refrains from running and musters all of her courage.
“Let go of my arm or I’ll call the police.”
The man releases her arm as his friend says, “See what you’ve done now. I’m sorry, ma’am. My friend’s just a little upset about some things that happened tonight.”
Jenna wills her voice to work again. “Well, I certainly didn’t do anything to him. He needs to learn some manners.” She holds her head high and continues her trek to the vehicle.
As she reaches the car, she hears the saner man say, “You can’t treat white women that way…”
Just as Jenna opens the car door, Rosa sits up and puts Michael to her shoulder. Jenna glances back and sees the crazy man staring at her from across the parking lot. She tosses Maria the bags, jumps into the SUV, and turns the key to start it. She roars away as the two men come running toward them, screaming as they run. In the rear view mirror, Jenna sees them scrambling back to their truck. She puts the pedal to the metal and roars off into the night.
“I’m going to take an alternate route out of town. I don’t want those guys to catch up.”
“Good idea, star gazer. When I saw them, I thought it best to stay in the car. But if they’d tried to hurt you, I promise I would have finished them with my knife.”
Jenna glances across the front seat and sees the knife held firmly in Maria’s hand. Suddenly she realizes just how long the blade is and how sharp the edge appears to be. Her adrenaline rises even more and she hears a ringing in her ears as she suddenly takes on the guise of a general in the field, marshalling her strengths. She turns down a side street and switches off her lights, slowing the speed of the vehicle so that she can navigate by moonlight.
“I’m going through neighborhoods to get to the other route out of town. I think there’s a better chance to avoid them.”
“Good plan.” Rosa says sleepily, “What’s going on?”
Michael begins to cry.
“Maria, hand Rosa the milk from the bag.” Jenna’s voice rings with authority. All the confidence that had been stripped from her earlier that day returns and grows as the moments pass and her courage and resilience are tested.
Maria smiles to herself, recognizing a kindred spirit in the young woman behind the wheel.
After many miles and hours pass, separating them from the young men in the parking lot, Jenna drives through the dawning light in silence. Rosa’s snores rise again from the back seat, and Maria sits quietly watching the dark sky begin to lighten with dawn’s arrival, providing a blush of pink on the horizon. Venus hangs above the vista revealed by the light of day, with Mars slightly below her.
Maria says dreamily, “The sky tells the tale of the night we just lived.”
Jenna smiles. “What do you mean?”
“See, there is the blue light of the goddess Venus hovering over the yellow light of the god Mars. Female energy prevailed during the night and Venus announces it to the world on the morning stage as she stands above her conquest of the male ego.”
“Maria, you are an amazing woman. I … hope we can remain friends. I can’t imagine just dropping you off and never seeing you again.”
“Star gazer, whether we remain friends or not, you are firmly entrenched inside my heart. We will be sisters of the heart.”
“And Rosa too … I love you both. We are a band of sisters who fought in the war against terror … against the right of might.”
“You are a young dreamer … I hope you inspire others to take that path.”
“But you’re a dreamer too. You say things I wish I’d thought of. You must be a poet or something.”
Maria smiles. “I am an old realist who is not afraid to use the sword of steel or the sword of words. But you have a life ahead that has much possibility. I can see that much.”
“I didn’t think so last night before I met you. I went out to the desert night to try to find my soul. My boyfriend had just dumped me. And my major professor told me my thesis sucks. If I could just get something right, I could have not only my master’s but my Ph.D. in a matter of months. It’s all tied together. But if I can’t please this man who plagues me, I’ll walk away with nothing after three years of work. Nothing. So I was feeling distressed … and looking for answers. And I found you and Rosa and Michael. It made my problems look so small.”
“Problems are problems. They come and you solve them or you don’t. You allow them to rule you … or you use them to carve your soul into a thing of beauty.”
“You make everything sound so easy.”
“I have a good knife.”
“You make me want to pull over and sit at your feet, learning the lessons of life.”
“Drive, star gazer. We have a long way to go.”
They drive on in silence for a while as the sun continues to brighten the landscape around them.
Maria says, “I am not so perfect as you think, star gazer. There was a moment when I thought about jumping into this vehicle you have and taking off with your credit card in hand. I could have left you there in the gas station’s flickering neon light to deal with those barbarians.”
Jenna says quietly, “But you didn’t.”
“No, that is not me … But we all have bad thoughts sometimes. They come at us like sharp arrows trying to pierce our hearts with a poison that could taint our souls. You just let them pass by and flame out … or use them to increase your strength. You had some bad thoughts come to you yesterday, but you cannot allow them to pierce your soul. Use them to create your own knife. And with it, you will carve your pathway through life.”
Jenna nods and drives on down the highway through the heat of the desert day.
As they reach the suburbs of Las Vegas, Maria directs Jenna to exit the freeway. She drives down the ramp and turns onto a narrow street lined with bodegas, the sidewalks filled with people.
Maria says, “It’s just six blocks. There, turn right on that clay road, Yucca Road.”
Jenna turns and drives slowly down the road which is lined with small houses and filled with children playing.
“There … 314 is the number.”
Rosa says excitedly, “Michael, you will meet your grandparents. Be good, little man. Make me proud.”
Jenna feels as if the tide of her time with the strangers from the night is ebbing. With hesitation, she says, “I’ve really enjoyed meeting both … all three of you. I hope you have … a good life.”
Rosa says, “Hey, come in with us. There will be a feast in our honor … for coming home and bringing a little man.”
Maria says “If you have time, my mother’s cooking is pretty spectacular.”
“If you’re sure it would be all right.” Jenna feels shy at the thought of meeting the family, of seeing the everyday life that would be revealed. Would it change her night vision of the remarkable Maria?
Maria smiles. “It will be fine.” She pulls her knife from her bag and extends it across the seat. “Here, take this so you will have your steel knife. Perhaps it will help you to find the one you can make from words … and the one you can use to carve the pathway of your life.”
Jenna stares at the knife that had defined the night she’d just lived. “Really…”
Maria smiles. “You can leave it in the SUV if you want, but come in with us. We must introduce the hero woman who saved us to my parents.”
“But you’re the hero.”
“Chica, you brought us safely through the desert, helped us escape from the bad men who might have killed us or at least caused us to lose our freedom, and gave us food and water when we needed it most. That sounds pretty heroic to me.”
Jenna smiles. “Okay, let’s go inside.”
As she leaves her new steel blade in the SUV, Jenna knows she now carries a soul-blade. Perhaps Maria’s words created it for her, or perhaps her own actions brought it into her possession. Whatever its genesis, she can use it to carve out a new pathway that includes her new friends and opens her life ahead.
Driving back to Tempe some time later, she feels eager to meet with the professor who’d given her tremors just the day before. She contemplates just how she will use her newfound confidence to make her scholastic goals a reality. She thinks of the Big Bang again and realizes her universe has just expanded out beyond all the horizons she’d ever seen before. The singularity of the past was exploding out to a future that would be whatever
yes loved it so much,could idenyify with JENNA as one among us, great write..it seemed almost like it happened , all the characters were
so real...keep it up...
It is certainly one way to meet aliens in the desert and be transported to a new understanding…
I hope that everyone here on AD and beyond gets to read it and that many comment.
It is perfect, but if I could suggest a change, somehow you would figure out how to still get to the Navajo reservation for breakfast as a way of escaping their trackers.
Yankee Doodle Daddy is a historical Appalachian Family Saga. The story follows a mother's reckoning as she struggles to survive and keep her four daughters alive.
Exploring the impact of literary icon Flannery O'Connor's noted legacy on the cultural realities of modern-day America, the world, and a certain author.
Exploring the impact of literary icon Flannery O'Connor's noted legacy on the cultural realities of modern-day America, the world, and a certain author.
SINGULARITY
