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My Safe Place by MiKayla R Gunn
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Rated "G" by the Author.
8.8.16
Creative writing
In an old abandoned house, many things remain. Black and ashy furniture, crisp clothes, remains of personal items, but no sign of life has lived in this burnt two story house for years now. Spider webs gather in the corners, while dust tries to collectively hide the burnt house. On the right side of the fire mantle, a picture remains. It looks untouched like it was forgotten by the fire. This square glass rectangle holds a family of three, a mother, father, and daughter.
"My name is Stacie. Stacie Jones. I am almost eight years old and I have already lost five teeth! My mommy and daddy are standing next to me in this picture. They looked so happy! I haven't seen them like that since I've been gone. I wish they would be happy again.
We were coming home after our vacation that day and mommy and daddy told me to go play while they got Boxer, our dog, from Mrs. Shelly,our neighbor.I went to my room to play with my barbies. I was going to stay there but I heard a loud thud downstairs. I went to see if mommy was home but before I got to the bottom of the stairs,I saw a bad guy in a black mask standing in the living room. he had on a hoodie and jeans and he was taking all of our stuff! He had mommy's favorite painting,daddy's favorite watch and he had a whole lot of money in his hands. Mommy told me to never talk to strangers and if there was a bad guy to run or go hide.
I ran back upstairs, closed the door softly, hid in my closet and waited.
It was dark in there. I was very quiet. I thought that daddy would come home and beat up the bad guy so I sat and waited for mommy to come get me. A little while later I smelled something funny. I've never smelt this smell before. It was like that time when mommy, daddy, and I went to Mrs. Shelly's house and ate hamburgers in her backyard except I didn't smell the hamburgers.
I snuck out of my closet and out of my bedroom. Carefully, I peeked over the stairs to see if daddy got the bad guy, but I couldn't really see because there was smoke filling my eyes, making my eyes sting. I tried to go downstairs to look and see where the smoke was coming from but I didn't get that far before I felt the giant fire in the kitchen starting to burn my skin. I started sweating a lot and I was very scared. I didn't know what to do so I went back in my room and hid in my closet because that was where I was safe. I closed my burning eyes and I tried to breathe but the air wouldn't let me. It was getting hotter and hotter. I coughed a lot and I thought I heard mommy and daddy shouting my name but my eyes wouldn't open again and my body wouldn't move.
I couldn't stop coughing. I got really dizzy, my throat and eyes burned, I was now soaking wet from sweat, and then everything stopped...
So, here I am. Stuck in this black, charred house. This was the last picture taken, the last vacation with the three of us, the last day we were together, and the last day mommy and daddy were happy. All sitting in this one picture the "bad guy" didn't take and the fire didn't dare to touch. I remain here in my safe place, watching over my mom and dad, never forgetting the day that bad guy changed our lives forever.
The irony is her place wasn't safe after all. But I felt your story lacked the fear and terror that she would feel from the hot flames. Sweat would probably not allay the burning sensation on her skin, but she would probably die from asphyxiation before any flames reached her.
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