Princess Condé
Amongst the neighbours we had at 9 Jorge Juan Street, besides others, there was Margarita de Borbón and her family, she sister of the dummy king of Spain, and there was also princess Condé. When I knew who she was investigating in the Espasa-Calpe encyclopedia, where I found some entries of Condé-Borbón or Borbón-Condé, I guessed our neighbour princess Condé knew there was a door that communicated Margarita’s flat and ours through the kitchens, and if she didn’t know I took advantage of the first opportunity I had to tell her.
She was walking her doggy beside the doorway. I said Hello. When seeing me enter the doorway, she said hello to me. She asked me what was my name. Leopoldo, I said, and immediately I told her I knew she was princess Condé. Then she asked me if Margarita and Carlos paid visits often. I told her there was a door communicating their kitchen with ours, that Carlos used to come into our house almost every day, although when he came in (after knocking on our kitchen’s door in case it was time Manolita or Julita could open the door for him to enter, or calling Manuel by phone first), that he usually came to sit down in the main lounge and to smoke joints.
Next time we met she asked me if Margarita used to come in often too. I told her that after news at 3 on TV she used to come in to hear (she’s blind), the TV series Fortunata and Jacinta, based on the novel by Benito Pérez Galdós, moment I left her alone always. Don’t you follow the series? Don’t you like her company? No, I responded, I go away especially if Maragarita comes in and I call by phone my friends, girls and boys that appreciate me a lot and have for me much esteem. I meet them up almost every day. I didn’t tell her that Margarita had stretched her hand trying to touch my noble parts when I was leaving on the table a glass of water for her, and two times, so I said at once something about bad intentions, something like Gosh, she says she's blind.
One day I saw princess Condé standing with her doggy beside the doorway with only a door opened. She seemed to come to my encounter to speak with me more discreetly (there were two policemen at least always, sometimes four all day).. I went past her into our hallway after my quick hello and her stupefaction. I didn’t want to tell her I had half listened I was going to marry in a cathedral with any of both dummy king’s daughters. In Manuel words he may see me already marrying in cathedrals. Carlos laughed stupidly like being grateful to Manuel for what he had said. Margarita was sitting clapping hands and later stretched them backwards to me saying to me to celebrate it with her, but nobody stretched hands with her, I did later only with two or three fingers because Manuel winked an eye to me and after her saying to me again to celebrate it, but I retired my hand instantly even with force. I didn’t lose time and turned on louder, at a very high volume, Sympathy for the Devil, by The Rolling Stones, nearly so unendurable Manuel laughed merrily although he made gestures to me of lowing down the volume. Margarita had to restrain her joy, remained silent and grave for a moment and later she made a compulsive movement with her elbow as if confirming my distant attitude and accepting my ascent, surely, after my refusal to stretch her hands and the meaning of the lyrics of the song I had put on.
Three months later, after my return from England, I met up princess Condé again. She was walking her tiny dog as always, near the doorway. I greeted her and told her I had stayed at a college in Essex, that I had come back only a few days ago. She asked me if I had seen Margarita at Manuel’s again. I told her it had been two or three days ago I had gone with Margarita to Alkalde restaurant to have a refreshment and that I was scared because the contraries to the Borbón may try an action against her down there. I don’t think someone is willing, princess Condé said. I didn’t want to go deeper, at that moment it didn’t seem opportune. I thought it was better to tell her I had fallen into a trap concocted by Manuel to go to have something with her at Alkalde restaurant, just opposite our doorway, and not necessarily comments about the head of ETA, Josu Ternera (Josu Veal), for if he had appeared I would no doubt greet him: Hi, Josu. How do you do? Have you seen how clever she is?
One day I was sitting in the main lounge Manolita and Julita came to me saying Manuel was waiting for me in Margarita’s house. I went to the kitchen and remained on our side. From there I had a look of their kitchen and saw no other but a big size sofa boney colour with two enormous brown flowers. I got furious at once. First I asked Manolita and Julita if they had seen the sofa, that sofa. I told them I would protest to Manuel for such a bad taste. When at last Manuel came back I said to him that the servants’ sofa in their kitchen was tacky. You know, boney colour nothing less and two brown flowers ridiculously enormous. Well, their whole flat is similar taste, Manuel said.
Well then, this episode was what I told princess Condé next time princess Condé asked me if I had ever come into Margarita’s house. She was attentive to my story and looked disappointed. Then was when I exclaimed: Imagine! Brown flowers! Two and enormous! Two brown flowers! And as I was insisting repeating it she said: They have not good taste. I took advantage to say to her: Manuel told me their whole house was similar style. I did this just in case she was in charge of eliciting from me to what extent I was capable of revolting myself against the Borbón and also about what I could make possible. Yes indeed I know what I am saying.
By that epoch, I have told you already about it, I didn’t want to meet up princesses of Monaco Caroline and Stéphanie, to whom I had been invited to be introduced to in Mallorca, and I had killed all the Saudi Arabian royal members of the retinue invading the forbidden lane in the highway like a kamikaze against their luxurious cars with a Renault 5 Copa. I felt since then pursued for having been the pilot of the car that had sent them all to hell, thrown off of their highway lane. I saw myself determinedly superior as for forces ratio after a big scandal. It contributed much for me to acquire powers. The vision of the microfilm and the message on it, made me capable of very skilful powers only by myself. I knew I was destined to be armed president, more than ever when watching Our man in Moscow.
With respect to princesses of Monaco Caroline and Stéphanie they both came to Manuel's with the intention to meet me, I guess they wanted to come into my room. I do not know how it seems Caroline lay down on my bed and sighed. Stéphanie rang up the door's bell and asked for me. Mrs. Mano lita came to tell me she has told her I wasn't in. The door's bell sounded again and Mrs. Manolita came to tell me she had said that perphaps she had told her I wasn't in because I didn't want nobody to disturb me. I knew she was waiting at the door. I shouted from the coridor: She possibly thinks she knows something! Not ever be disturbed means never! And never is never! I can come out and tie up a cable around her neck to the exhaust pipe and drag her all over Madrid! I could then hear how Stéphanie stumbled on the wooden stairs, that creaked with her wrong step in her falling down. Three days later she appeared in Hello review walking with crutches.
As for the havoc on the highway to Marbella, I spent all days thinking about telling the world entire I had been the pilot, because no doubt in Arab countries' newspapers the headlines told the news saying a kamikaze had killed king Faruk and I don't know how many Abdul Aziz, direct desdendants of Muhammad, princes and princesses, sultans, sheiks and all all them inside the cars of the Saudi Arabian retinue, coming to Marbella with the intention of spending two months Summer. Once accomplished my mission; that was, to liquidate as many fascists as I could while I stayed at my friend Manuel Ordaz house as communist soldier before being appointed armed president of Spain's Communist Party, I was dying to catch princess Condé and tell her about princesses and Marbella, to crack up a little by myself and to see what her reaction was. To maintain certain suspense, after telling her about the monegasques I told her about Marbella. Yes, I said to her, we went and came back next day, and as though there was something mysterious i started to tell her that next day after arriving I read on El Diario de Málaga newspaper the names of almost all the Saudi Arabians and their guests that were coming to spend Summer in Marbella. I told her I had killed them all. Princess Condé seemed scared. I started to enumerate cars brands I had thrown off of the highway. When I mentioned the Rolls Royce and king Faruk she turned back as though pending of her doggy and I took advantage to say good bye. I was interested even in putting an end to the conversation.
So last time I met up princess Condé I had the fixed idea of being the chosen and kept in my memory my enthusiasm when I was a child 4 or 5 years old, not a young man 22, and in these terms I behaved as such and asked her Do you think with the yeddow stripes of my T-shirt I look good? Yeddow?, she asked me. Yes, yeddow, don’t you see? Between the stripes black and gdeen? And with my left index finger I made her see how magical my yeddow stripe was. Have you got a cigadette?, she asked. Yes, I replied without surprise, although she had used my child’s language. I gave her a cigarette and I took out a Dupont gold’s lighter I used by then.
When I came upstairs to the flat I said to Manuel: I think the princess waits for me to speak with me to know more each time. As much as possible I would say. Do you think so?, asked Manuel. I have told her already about everything I have done, I said. By the way, does that woman smoke?, I asked. Why?, Manuel asked back. I don’t know, I said, because she asked me for a cigadette. If she asked you for a cigarette she smokes. Well, the case is that she pronounced cigadette like I had just done to pronounce yeddow, I said. It is not clear enough what you are trying to explain, he said. Like children do, I said.
