I’ve been an “outsider” all my life: Outside the mainstream of thinking, doing, assessing, criticizing, and surviving as best I could. I’ve never been a “joiner” of cliques or private associations. I’ve found much wisdom in the Groucho Marx rule to a sane life: “I could never become part of any organization that would have me as a member.” Being born on the wrong side of the railroad tracks explains part of my “stay away” attitude. Prolonged poverty has that effect on the human psyche. Doing 8 years of hard time in an old style orphanage set me firmly into my life’s role as a journeyman who did not trust others to act according to their stated beliefs.
As a consequence, I’ve never fit well into any position in the public, private, educational, or military sectors of American life. I tried. But in each I found there is an unstated belief that “the cream rises to the top,” and there is an increasing level of expertise and devotion from the bottom to the top of each organizational pyramid. After 47 years of experience inside those branches of organized society, I can state with a very high level of confidence: That perception is false. Not absolutely, but unerringly false from most expectations about justice. I am not asserting that the opposite is true , namely that expertise and positions are inversely correlated. There simply is no correlation either way. Expertise is where you find it, and it is distributed unevenly from top to bottom. The upshot to my observation is this: You could shuffle all positions within each sector of organized life randomly without an overall loss in competency, efficiency, or measurable outcomes. The reasons are myriad.
The principle reason is this: Loyalty is everywhere valued over competency. “Go along to get along” is the operative principle. This rule is endemic in all organizations. In any organization you are expected to support all those above you especially when you discover there are many rats in the pack who are causing most of the problems. When incompetency is concentrated at the top, chaos will follow. The Trump administration is a case in point. When competency it is uniformly distributed, acceptable outcomes are unpredictable. The US military is a case in point. When biases are rampant, extreme behaviors follow. Case in point: The United States legislature. When inefficiencies and incompetencies are relatively constant throughout the organization, huge inequalities, sub-optimal performance, and economic injustices are widespread. In private organizations with a political bias, loyalty is a must and outright dishonesty prevails. Racial, ethnic, and religious biases also contribute to incompetencies, inefficiencies, and to outright harm to those who are identified as members of each group wherever they are located.
Still, in my waning days, I can say with a smile “I am not bitter.” It’s true . I don’t carry grudges. They are too heavy, and I like to travel with a light load. Besides, they would make me part of the problem. Still, I feel an obligation to pass on to others the “wisdom” of my dispassions. Here they are:
Join if you must. There are no easy pathways in life. But the road less traveled is the one for me. Find your passion. Caution: Money and assets are not passions. Beyond your needs, they are greeds. Become so damned good at what you can do that you surprise yourself. Sing. Play a musical instrument. Solve puzzles. Help someone else. Be kind to everyone. Learn how to dance. Help a kid. Practice random acts of kindness. Never be first in line for anything. There could be a guillotine waiting for you. Find something to do that is challenging, but that you can never master. Golf is my choice. Dress well, but not expensively. Stay in shape. Smile. Say “hello” often. Get out of your territory. See the world. Language is only a barrier if you let it be. Speak a few words of their language. They will meet you more than half-way. Learn to say “I love you.” You will never regret it. Be kind to animals. Give a hoot: Don’t pollute. Thank God, Karma, Providence, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster often for the gift of life apart from all the noise and the glamour, and the deceit. You’ll like yourself for it.
I related to this, because I've felt like an outcast (off and on) my entire life. Overall though, this little story seems less a confession of your being an outcast, and more a cry to get others of like mind to find a connection with you. Incidentally, how do Ingeborg Von Finsterwald, and Hyman Rabinovitch feel about this confession? rlc
A very well-written piece of autobiographical story! I appreciate your honesty.
I am a Chinese woman and while growing up my parents used to compare us with some well-to-do kids who were extensively bragged by their own parents. They thought it would make us work harder and be more success-oriented. I definitely HATED it whenever my mom pointed out how successful other people's children were compared to us. I used to argue with them and said their parents bragged about them and they should not believe everything that they say about their kids. They only wanted to brag about their kids because their kids weren't as good as us. - That was my philosophy. I have never, ever, given in to other people's bragging.
Needless to say, while growing up in Hong Kong, being a female child, I have never got the love I deserved while I was in Hong Kong. Everything was about how much money that our parents had. I have never felt the need to join other groups of children of other parents just so I could fit in somewhere. I didn't and I wouldn't. I was quite content with being myself. If I were not successful in life, then so be it. I would not do something against myself just to fit in just to make my parents happy and proud.
My big break was to get away from Hong Kong, came to Canada. I was on my own, (my brother and I), I was very happy. I further my education in computer and accounting, which I suddenly found out that I was not as dumb as my parents perceived me to be. I was happy to become a wiz to help out my classmates.
I didn't get to love my parents or vice versa until they came to Canada to join us during the last 16 years of their lives and it was then I grew to love them and appreciate what they had gone through during their marriage. Being Chinese, they could not help feeling the need to compare themselves with other relatives. They always needed to look wealthy to other families even when they were suffering so they would not lose their faces. I was glad even with some very difficult times, my dad was a very strong daddy and he had pulled through those hard times for us.
In this world, I've learned that we DON'T need to fit in with others. If my fate was to become a loner, then be it! Being a happy loner beats having to kiss-ass others all the time. I can live happily with just enough means (Thank God!) and I am not greedy for anything more. Material things are things that you cannot take with you when you leave this world!
The narrator of this autobiography is a strong person, and it shows in his writing! Thank you for sharing!
In this very short, but packed story you have not only shown us your path in life but why the path that most people take through organizations and loyalty simply is inefficient and doesn't work very well. Fortunately, like the British, it muddles through like British government has for centuries. As long as we are raping the world riches in the process and wastefully using them up.
I am with you on not joining or becoming indoctrinated to organizations of power and loyalty. An easy way to do diabolical things and justify them simply because they are condoned by the organization. Fortunately I have found you and a few other freethinkers here who have tremendous ability that has been largely ignored but by writing your thoughts forcefully have succeeded in reaching a much larger audience than you thought.
Couldn't help but flash onto an audiobook I've made a necessary part of my driving entertainment, as well as "on the road" lesson-review of sorts. The book: "The subtle Art of not Giving A Fuck." Your history would suggest you knew and practiced much of what the reader and author, Mark Manson, shares with his Best Selling NYT audience. I have to admit, my joining of the Hollywierd family after having spent so many years independently practicing my art in NY was a foley of my own ambitions until I found, as you profess here, it doesn't work for those of us that need to think freely and be at peace with oneself. Wonderful write, Ed. Enjoyd it.
we started out in similiar states. i am still that odd ball that doesn't quite fit in. but as you have said. be kind, help others and above all stay true to yourself. you would be amazed at what you can do and be happy.
Good autobiography, Ed; I've suspected as much, having read a few of your contributions because I've always gravitated toward exceptional bright minds and, because of my profession, I've come to, pretty much figure out what "makes people tick." Not that I really care; for I prefer animals... but I try to be fair: there's good everywhere, especially if one is looking for it. And I have, am and always will.
For me.
There's much in your piece to which I related, especially the "loner-Groucho-joiner" bit, but I've been, with open eyes, simply pragmatic. Your own scars are too deep; I've worked through mine through lots of hard work - and God's help, for sure. Perhaps the biggest blessing has been for me to truly love - and even like myself to pieces; there's no one I'd rather be - especially these days when everyone's falling apart and blaming it on everyone and everything but themselves. Sad.
I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer and it's certainly come in handy in the last year - and for however long this challenging pandemic lasts - and whatever follows. I can handle it; I can handle anything: God first, common sense next, exercise, Yoga, meditation, reading (re-reading War and Peace presently) excellent nutrition and trusting my own gut which is never wrong.
The ONLY thing I miss these days is my health club (3 hours daily) and GOLF. For sure.
I have found that not taking people or things - especially myself - too seriously makes all the difference. I've always been a thinker and usually OVERthink most things. Not worth it; no one cares!
As Tiny Tim said (paraphrasing): bless us all or whatever. No judgment; too much energy!
Be well; be safe.
Try to fall in love with Ed. It's the greatest feeling!
The captivating music of birds and the enchanting beauty of roses have, each in their own right, inspired people around the world for as long as anyone can remember. How the two combine with the challenges faced by a struggling writer in Georgia to c
The captivating music of birds and the enchanting beauty of roses have, each in their own right, inspired people around the world for as long as anyone can remember. How the two combine with the challenges faced by a struggling writer in Georgia to c
A way to use your mind for silent communication. Speaking about the methods in the book I have used since a young age.
21st Century learning. I also have a GoFundMe page to ask for funds so I can research with other people and add their experiences
