Writing is an exercise in what is, what isn’t and what could be, or what might have been.
Jerald Johnson Kid Toy King
When I was a kid we only lived three miles away from the nearest town, but it actually sometimes seemed like it was worlds away. Although we had relatives who lived there, it was actually primarily the place where our home church was located and it was at the dictate of my grandmother that we all be in attendance like precise clockwork every Sunday .
While my grandmother and other family members relished those visits as a chance to spend time together and to go to church, my brother and I had our own particular reasons for loving Sundays.
Because in the rural south town where I grew up, Jerald Johnson was the kid who had all the best toys, let me say it again in no uncertain terms he had “all” the best toys, and actually every bit of all the good stuff that any kid might ever want, in fact in looking back now, I think Jerald had toys that at the time hadn’t even been invented yet?
OK let me say too that maybe by today’s standards where just about every infant virtually has a cell phone, and where even first graders are building their own computers, maybe compared to all that, maybe what we had back then wasn’t much, but considering that at this the time which was about a week or so after the dinosaurs stopped walking the earth, what we did have back then was the bomb!!!
No, wait, now hold on, just to be clear Jerald didn’t have an actual bomb, no not at all….but come to think of it…and to my knowledge, as far as I know he never really asked for one either…maybe the kid toy king could’ve…no never mind.
Anyway, what he actually did have were things like a really nice bicycle, a train set, remote controlled cars, footballs, basketballs, baseballs, football equipment, baseball equipment, baseball trading cards, football trading cards, board games, roller skates, books, puzzles, cap guns, play army stuff, like the little green army men, toy cars, toy tanks, tinker toys and each of us had our own fully operational vivid imaginations, remember back in the day when imagination was the essential key to being a kid anyway???
And Jerald also had my personal specific toy fixation which was an actual simulated automobile steering wheel and dashboard, whatttt????? Wait... does anyone even know what I'm talking about??? OK see this toy was just the actual dashboard and the steering wheel, so it was a simulation of....a dashboard...anyway it was battery powered and the signal lights worked, the horn worked, and sideview mirrors were affixed...well they were...OK never mind, I guess you had to be there... I thought it was cool and I always I loved cars and I used to watch my Dad drive pre Ralph Nader and sometimes he would let me sit in his lap and pretend I was driving the car please don't tell Ralph...but whoa talk about fun...I couldn’t wait to learn how to drive, so on all my imaginary driving journeys I was able to take with that simulated steering wheel and dashboard, it allowed me to relive those moments of us all being a family (because my parents had separated by then) and simply pretend to drove around the world many, many times over.
I can't forget to mention that Jerald also had a great personality too, so I actually got a chance to play with the simulated steering wheel, pretty much all to myself and he didn’t even mind, nope he didn’t get twisted about it at all, not once, I guess it’s what’s to be expected when you’re a toy king?????
Yeah Jerald had all the stuff most of the kids of my generation could only dream about, but not only that, Jerald also had the coolest parents too, people let me tell you these parents weren’t just ordinary run of the mill parents, Jerald’s parents had to have come straight out of central casting, I kid you not, I’m so serious about that, but if you doubt me, ask yourself, how else could Jerald ever have amassed the ultimate supreme toy kingdom at a mere six and a half years old except for his unique super parents???
And as if that wasn’t amazing enough Jerald even had a beautiful, friendly, nice as forever, gossamer wings wearing older sister, that simply broke the big sister mold!!! Her complexion was the most divine shade of chocolate and she was a perfect lady, even though she was just a girl actually so truthfully she was maybe about four or five years older than Jerald.
I don’t know where they found her but it’s true , now admittedly I can’t offer any proof that Jerald didn’t just somehow just create this “family” and just pretend that he was a kid, all I know is they all looked alike and so in my elevated reasonings as an eight year old was that they had to be family?
And OK, in full disclosure I must confess that I was “crushing” on his sister like you wouldn’t believe, yeah this was even before I knew what those feelings were, and I probably would have mentioned to her that I was crushing on her too, except that I was distracted by all the amazing toys Jerald had and all the mad fun, he, my brother, and I were having constantly whenever we visited him, I’m telling you it was all so cool.
But then there were a few times, that when I looked at Jerald’s sister Cynthia I almost, almost, almost, almost might have started to mention how cute she was which was dangerous no doubt because I imagine if I had told her she was cute...it would have made her putty in my tiny little hands, right???
But somehow she always managed to distract me, intentionally(?) or not(?) with her regal bearing, impeccable manners, her amazing warmth and kindness, and the fact that her family had (wait for it)...Brand Name snacks (!!!!) that’s right not the generic, store brand snacks, the Johnson family didn’t roll like that, they were too legit, they actually had the brand name stuff, these were the snacks that were advertised on TV commercials, the snacks you would see on the shelves in the stores and you knew the product theme songs..yep uh huh those snacks!!!!
So perhaps understandably at eight years old romance at the time took a backseat to any other course of action especially at snack time, which by the way, could randomly occur any moment Cynthia appeared, like if I heard her voice or felt her presence, or as I’m sure you all know gossamer wings are somewhat noisy at times ( or did she make her presence known on purpose(?) but somehow her appearance would coincide with my need to suddenly have to have a glass of water, but what can I say…somehow it just seemed that she and I just happened to be in the kitchen at the same time almost every time???
Then it became routine that she’d maybe ask me how I was doing, how was school, and how was my grandmother, you know the typical ultra sophisticated conversation people have in the kitchen while scarfing for brand name snacks, and getting your mack on anyway eventually after awhile she’d actually be asking me if I wanted a snack, I doubt if I was ever able to say if I actually did or not but somehow it seemed we would always come to a point where she’d be telling me to go ahead and take more than one tootsie roll, or butterscotch candy, or chocolate whatever, and that’s not all people you got to trust me on this…I can’t be sure but I think she offered me dom pérignon 2009 way back in 1963, trust me people when I say this, that girls' kindness obviously knew no bounds, what(????) I simply couldn’t believe it but here she was actually telling me to help myself to two or more boxes of cracker Jacks at a time and to go ahead and feel free to have some more soda, of course only after asking how did I prefer that soda, would that be over cubed or crushed ice, I chose cubed of course and then she’d tell me to be sure to grab a couple of fresh baked cookies, and I think she also offered me some kool aide, a donut, a great 401k plan, and this is where she usually mentioned her broker and a preferred stock prospectus, I’m absolutely sure she wanted me to take her up on her offer of a complete Ivy League scholarship, and I know for a fact she said she'd throw in some prime New York real estate if I acted quickly? I can't tell how many times she offered to do a total review of any tax shelters I might’ve established, and advised me on the pros and cons of off shore accounts in light of what she then saw in the then current emerging economy, so is it any wonder with all that for me to consider, and with me trying to make an insightful decision how was I supposed to remember to tell her how cute she was????
Then right when she would sense me wavering any in a decision or choice I was prone to make, that’s when she’d distracted me with even more snack bribery, the pressure was almost unbearable, all that with the prismatic effect of light reflecting off her gossamer wings, omg, omg, omg, and not to forget there she was smiling that incredible kryptonite "I'm all woman" smile too!!!
All of a sudden I couldn’t remember if there really was something I wanted to tell her after all but at the moment, in the middle of a sugar stupor, and all that the moment was, I was clearly at a distinct disadvantage.
But then again as any real player, knows timing and appearance is everything and at the most critical romantic moments like this was(?), maybe, perhaps an eight year old with both his hands full of assorted snacks and with me standing there with every pocket I had bulging and overflowing with candy, the thought has to occur that this might not be the best visual to ever begin to swear undying devotion and offer a chance of a life together??? That is what she and I were talking about right??? Why else all the snack bribes????
And you got to understand that l I wasn’t only thinking of myself altogether, my little brother was benefiting from visits to the toy and snack capital of the free world too, so I regrettably and dutifully, sacrificed and I took one for the team, yeah I chilled on the romance tip, it was after all, I think, the thing to do?
Even if she knew or never suspected I think she would have understood and no doubt would have said well “if” you want to think of your little brothers social development over your own personal happiness and if you can resign yourself to go have crazy mad fun playing with all of her brother’s fabulous toys, then OK, alright she understood and yes I could go ahead do that and certainly she would talk with me some other time about the scholarships, stocks, bonds, retirement plans and investment options, and the various educational choices I might need to consider making ASAP since I was in already in the third grade so I needed to please try to remember time was of the essence.
But even if I might have said no wait Cynthia, let me see your power point presentation. I’m not so sure it would have really mattered because usually like clockwork, and without fail either her brother Jerald or my brother John would always interrupt us before long with them screaming from Jerald’s bedroom loudly into the kitchen to tell me it was my turn to play with the simulated steering wheel and dashboard, whoa, really, again huh, wow, now, OK, wow what can I say, duty called and hey I had to go, I had to, it was my turn and that might not ever happen again until perhaps, maybe next Sunday but why take a chance????? Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, not even to star crossed lovers?????
Yep, Jerald Johnson was the kid toy king, and despite his lofty status, Jerald's family and Jerald were really nice people I rarely remember an argument or a disagreement between the three of us kids, after all who could really argue with a toy king?
If there ever was a difference of opinion, or conflict Jerald’s sister or Mom would descend out of adulthood, bestowing logic and fair-play genius, effortlessly render a perspective that would next level us, and even at 8 years old it was undeniable truth, I actually suspected we possibly entered into a mental stasis, or floated in a kind suspended animation where they would splice into our genome code, evolve us and when we’d come back to conscious, we’d be playing, laughing, funning, like nothing really ever happened and nobody even remembering the incident?!?!?
Yep, I think that’s what must have happened…no doubt???
A wonderful tale from a childhood epiphany that not many are heir to. Slightly altered by wisdom of the age, particularly of the offering of Cynthia, perfect in every way and way ahead of her time when it came to financial stability.
Down the block was Kenny Johnson. He looked like Kenny Rogers and had a younger sister, our sister's age. But he was dirt poor. His only assets were his mother who looked like Rita Haworth and his famous, but divorced and absent crop duster pilot he admired.
While we occasionally got some toys my twin brother and I shared and once in a while at events like local fairs we got name brand candy. But for the most part mom made cookies and lots of treats that brought neighborhood kids to our house to snack.
I do remember having a crush on my elder cousins who were so beautiful, still are. Childhood seems so much better now than when we lived it.
