HELENE’S OTHER-OTHER
BY
DAVID ARTHUR WALTERS
A strange case of Gaslight Racketeering from the author's luminous book HELENE, The Flame of My Life
Helene was in a tizzy when Paul arrived at her apartment, with her face flushed, bright red splotches of a nervous rash manifest on her arms, and on her décolletage, too, offsetting a string of sizeable white pearls about her neck. No doubt her blood pressure was way up, he thought, which was a bad thing, but he loved her all the more when she was losing control and he could stop behaving submissively to humor her.
“Paul, you must help me!” she moaned desperately as he took his shoes off inside the door. “I don’t know what to do. They’ve charged me with an Other-Other!”
“You look great in that pink dress. It must have cost a thousand dollars. And I love the red pumps,” Paul said, endeavoring to distract her from her condition lest she work herself up into another fainting spell.
“Four thousand: it’s an inexpensive Dior. The shoes are Ferragamo,” she added, in a casual yet haughty tone.
“How much were the shoes?”
“Five hundred or so, but, Paul, will you listen to me, I want to tell you….”
“You sure dress up when you have me for dinner. Excuse my appearance. I’ve been at the gym….”
Helene would have normally remarked that it was only proper to dress well for dinner, withholding any expression of disgust except for a pert nose turned up at Paul’s slovenly appearance, which she deemed an insult to society. Not that she respected society herself, at least not its vast lower class. She confessed to Paul, on the condition that he would tell no one, that people would hate her if they only knew what she could not help thinking about them half the time. But at least she showed respect outwardly, which is only the appropriate thing to do.
Paul confided, in turn, on condition that it be a secret kept between friends, that there were times when he loathed people in general, and recently had had hallucinations while walking along Washington Avenue, to the effect that it was a human sewer, which caused him to worry that he was one of the turds. He said he was afraid to consult his doctor about it, but might do so, on the chance that the doctor would prescribe a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, disinhibiting him so he could master the world instead of write books.
Helene replied that the avenue is indeed so depressing that it brings everyone down, so he should walk another route, thus skirting the whores, drug dealers, derelicts, and other human flotsam, not to mention the shootings. She privately thought, and sometimes said, when she got mad enough, that Paul himself was just a street person and loser, and he had begun to believe it, even occasionally considering a visit to the gun shop across from the theatre for the appropriate means, having watched yet another violent movie, to justify her low opinion of him. Or he wondered what she would say to the concierge if he threw himself off her twentieth-floor balcony to become a street person below. He wanted to leave town, yet he was somehow drawn to Washington Avenue, somehow trapped in its degrading vicinity. He resolved to mount a campaign to shut down the sleazy clubs, bulldoze most of the structures on the avenue, and remake it as a sort of Rodeo Drive, which would undoubtedly entitle him to the mayor’s job, real estate activism and condo board presidency being the main avenues to high office on the beach.
“Paul, you were not listening to me! You have to support me. They have charged me with an Other-Other. I am so worried, unable to sleep, and I thought I was going to faint again yesterday.”
“I heard what you said, Helene, that you are charged with an Other-Other,” Paul calmly assured her as if accepting the reality of an Other-Other, whatever that was, while assuming that it was an imaginative concoction, a paranoid projection. “You know, lawyers used to call condominiums or horizontal properties castles in the air, or air lots with rights to support. I believe a woman of your distinction should have real real estate, a nice house.”
Helene’s face assented to the flattery. She had an artistic temperament: oversensitive and histrionic by nature, her Northern European looks and dramatic flair reminded Paul of Ingrid Bergman. She should have taken up dramatic arts in her youth, he believed. While other players cruised through much of life habitually, Helene had to consciously will her way through it on a daily basis or fly to pieces. Her will was strengthened by long exercise, yet she feared having a nervous breakdown under the strain. She could be as stubborn as a Missouri mule, inviting ornery people to abuse her when putting her to work, much to their profit since she was already compelled to work or fall into chaos. Unfortunately, she had been out of work, lately, having left a job with a Palestinian purveyor, known as “the Monster,” to work a brief spell for a madwoman, known to dozens of former employees as “the Witch” for her ability to abuse employees and customers yet win the Better Business Woman of the Year award.
A previous employer, a private shelter for abused wives of the world’s power elite, had offered to take her back since she got along especially well with high-class women, being one herself, but she declined because she could not stand being sexually harassed by its director, who happened to be a bull dike. And she rejected Paul’s suggestion, that she use her knowledge about the powerful husbands of abused wives to gain employment, as unethical.
Adding to Helene’s stress was the disappearance from her storage space at Oceanview Estates of three paintings of obese female nudes she had painted as a young, anorexic artist, treasures that she intended to leave to her children. There was no sign of forcible entry, or any evidence at all other than her word that any such paintings ever existed—the police report noted that “the alleged victim was hysterical, unable to describe the property allegedly stolen.”
She had previously complained to the property manager that jewelry had gone missing from her apartment, thinking workmen had lifted the jewelry; no work had been done on those days. Paul found the items outside of her jewelry box, in the freezer, apparently mislaid. She also complained about electrical surges, and of coming home to find her A/C system turned off, insisting she had left it on, having checked it exactly four times, as usual, before leaving. Paul advised her to install secret video cameras, a suggestion she vehemently rejected on the grounds that the system could be hacked, the recordings stolen and published on YouTube.
She enlisted Paul to remove a panel on the ceiling of her utility closet to peer into the space between floors, insisting that loud thumping sounds were waking her up at night, but he found no signs in the dust that anyone had been in the crawl space. He did find that a utility door into the public hallway from the kitchen had no door knob or lock, although it was blocked by a heavy refrigerator, tended to swing open slightly with changes of air pressure in the hallway, and surmised that might be causing the thumps. That very evening, over pork chops, she accused him of misusing her three remote devices; it took her an hour to get her television to work properly, causing her to fear she was going out of her mind until she blamed him. From that day forward, she would not let him touch the remotes or allow him to watch any programs he was interested in, including The Good Wife, fearing his involvement in any way would put a hex on her equipment. He tried to explain, to no avail, that many people were having issues with increasingly complicated electronics, so much so that even Alicia, the Good Wife, was shown frustrated by her television system on one episode.
“I don’t care what happens on that show!” she cut him off. “How can a wife be called ‘good’ because she stays with a cheating husband? Men are trying to brainwash their wives into forgiving them for running around with whores when they get caught!”
Paul was in fact worried about his friend’s state of mind.
“Did you ask your doctor about Paxil?” Paul asked. “As I said, it helps reduce high blood pressure and fibromyalgia and insomnia.”
Helene, he knew, suffered all three of the above. The muscular pain, psycho-somatic vestiges of brutal beatings, was bad enough, but the blood pressure, along with her dizzy spells and numb tongue, could be fatal indicators. He had joked around with her, that blue-eyed blonds tend to be dumb and dizzy, and to have numb tongues, so not to worry, yet he was worried indeed for his own sake, that he would lose his best friend to a heart attack.
“I do not have a psychiatric issue, so I am out of luck, my insurance will not cover it. Anyway, I have to say that I have had the best doctors and the best drugs in the past, and I still suffered. I want to tell you about the Other-Other. If you are not going to support me, you can leave.”
“Whoa, please hold your horses. Let’s talk about it over drinks. I brought you a present, a fine, Texas vodka: Tito’s Vodka. It’s handmade.”
“Texas vodka? I never heard of Texas vodka.” Helene had taken switched from wine to vodka earlier in the year to improve her diet.
“Well, it is good straight up or any other way you might like it. That standard Russian vodka you drink is rotgut by comparison. The Russian whores and modelles you despise drink Russian vodka, so here is the perfect alternative for a patriotic German American blonde who used to run around with powerful Texas Republicans. Try it. By the way, did you know Oceanview used to house dozens of Russian models back in the South Beach glory days, when it was being renovated by the godfather of the Jewish Mafia?”
“Stop! Helene commanded as she poured herself a martini. “I don’t want to hear it. You are evading my concern. I invited you over for dinner to tell you about the accusation they made against me.”
“All right,” Paul said, after taking a swig out of his bottle of Boston Lager—normally Helene would insist he use a glass or leave, but her pressing concern caused her to overlook his little rebellion. “Tell me, who are they?”
“They are Oceanview Estates’ condo board, especially Peggy Schmidt.”
“The city commissioner?”
“None other. She signed the indictment.”
“What indictment?”
“Yes, here it is,” she said, producing the following letter:
_______________________________________________________
Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc.
1000 Oceanview Drive
Miami Beach, FL 33139
HELENE FULSOME
1000 Oceanview Drive 2001
RE: Notice of Violation - First Notice
Account #: 1896-0000-BU2001-04-763-95782/44-2001
Dear Helene Fulsome:
In an effort to ensure community aesthetics, The Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc. performs periodic inspections. During a recent inspection of the community, the following violation was observed. Noticed the following violation:
Violation Type: Other-Other
Inspection Date: February 2, 2014
Mandatory Compliance Date: February 10, 2014
Comments:
Ms. Fulsome approved Ted Michaels as visitor on 02/2/2014 . 12:05 p.m. Mr. Michaels did not go to unit 2001, but did go to unit # 707
. Please be assured that the inspections and this letter are intended to be constructive in nature and are being issued pursuant to the guidelines set forth in accordance with legal statutes and the Association's governing documents. The Oceanview Estates Condominium Association is asking you to please correct the above issue immediately.
If you would like to dispute this violation or require additional time, then please submit a response in writing with any supporting documents to Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc., at the above address. Extensions of time for addressing this matter shall only be considered upon receipt of a written request. Should you have any questions regarding the above, please contact your Property Manager, who is available to assist you Monday through Friday between the hours of 09:00 AM and 05:00 PM.
Sincerely,
Oceanview Estates Board of Directors
Peggy Schmidt
President
________________________________________________________
“Incredible!” said Paul after scrutinizing the letter with an amazed expression. “Ted Michaels is that hunchbacked paparazzi?”
“Yes.”
“He’s the one who got a shot of Mayor Flores with her hand down the pants of a male stripper?”
“Yes.”
“So why did they let him downstairs if he does not suit their aesthetic profile for the building?”
“That’s not the reason. Ted lived in 707. He opposed Peggy when she was running for the board. When he renewed his lease, the owner neglected to alert the front desk in time, and he was automatically denied access to his apartment. I was not aware of it at the time, but when he was let in to visit me, he went to 707 to get his camera, and never made it to my place. He gave me this copy of a letter from Legal Services explaining his predicament.”
_______________________________________________________
Oceanview Estates Condominium Board
Attn: Peggy Schmidt, President
The purpose of this letter is to demand you allow Ted Michaels’ access to Unit 707. Ted Michaels has been prohibited from entering Oceanview since January 15th, 2014. He was told by the staff at Oceanview that the computer system does not have his lease agreement, and therefore does not recognize him as a resident of Oceanview. Mr. Michaels has resided at Oceanview for 5 years. Unit 707 is owned by Hernando Lopez. Both Mr. Lopez and Mr. Michaels have persistently attempted to rectify this clear oversight. Mr. Lopez submitted an Owner Approval of Lease which authorizes Mr. Michaels to live in Unit 707 from November 1st, 2013 to October 31st, 2014.As a result of the Board's refusal to acknowledge Mr. Lopez's consent to Mr. Michaels' residency, Mr. Michaels has become homeless. In addition, his photography business has been interrupted since his equipment is in the unit. Consequently, your immediate attention to this matter is imperative. A condominium association has no authority to refuse access to a tenant who is authorized to reside in the condominium. I have attached a copy of Oceanview Estate's Owner Approval of Lease form that was filled out by Mr. Lopez. Upon receipt of this letter, I demand you permit Mr. Michaels to enter onto the premises and occupy his unit.
Betty Vincent
Attorney-At-Law
Florida Legal Services
________________________________________________________
“Where is Ted now?” Paul asked. “I saw him just a few days ago at an event on the beach. He was trying to get shots of Beyonce.”
“I saw him sleeping in a doorway. It was so sad that I kept walking. The fact is, he went to his own apartment that day instead of coming to look at my shelves, so I was charged with an Other-Other.”
“Look at your shelves?”
“That is what I said, so don’t go there. He has a spinal issue yet is still a handsome gentleman, and I can tell that he has a good upbringing.”
“Well, going to another apartment is on him, not on you, no reason to cite you when he tries to visit.”
“I talked to him about it when he visited later. He said Peggy is a real bitch, a tyrant who conducted a massive harassment of tenants, as if this were a prison, getting them to break their leases or get kicked out by the owners, and then her significant other, Sandy Clarke of Clarke Realty, the leasing agent, would lease the units out again. The idea was to get what she called the ‘riffraff’ out, raise rental income to the owner-investors, and thus increase appraised value. Ted said Peggy had the manager call the police so many times on tenants that the cops told the manager he would be arrested for criminal harassment if he called again. One lonely old man who could not speak English hung himself in his apartment with an electric cord after being harassed several times for not wearing the mandated exercise attire in the gym.”
“Sounds like quite a racket. Anyway, this is nothing but a notice of the board’s stupidity. How can you ‘correct the above issue immediately’? Have him come up to your apartment? You said he came over later. You don’t have to respond.”
“No, what they do if you don’t respond is to assess a fine. I sent them this letter.”
___________________________________________________________________________________
Oceanview Estates Board of Directors:
Upon my return to Miami, I was surprised to receive your notices with respect to an alleged violation. Please forgive me for not responding immediately as I have been out of town. Mr. Michaels and I have a professional working relationship and it is not unusual for Mr. Michaels to meet with me in my apartment for work related reasons. After receiving a phone call from the front desk, I authorized Mr. Michaels' visit for such a purpose. I am aware that Mr. Michaels is a long time resident of the Oceanview, and when he did not arrive in a timely fashion, I assumed he had been sidetracked with other more immediate business. I, in fact, did receive a call within 3 hours to reschedule the missed appointment resolving the issue in my mind. I hope this adequately addresses your and Oceanview Estates Condominium Associations concerns. I want to again thank you for your consideration with the delayed response.
Helene Fulsome, Unit 2001
___________________________________________________________________________________
“It is none of their business why someone visits your apartment, whether in a professional or personal capacity,” Paul remarked upon reading the response, feeling a little jealous. “So, what happened then?”
“I received a notice of hearing three days later, saying I had not corrected the issue, so a fine might be imposed unless I complied by the hearing date. I asked the manager, and he said the fine for Other-Other violations is $1,000 plus $100 a day until the issue is corrected.”
“Exactly what is an Other-Other violation?”
“The Rules and Regulations list specific violations, then other violations are specified, and then there is the Other-Other, with no particular violations listed.”
“Damn, how Kafkaesque. But the fine would be on the owner, not you.”
“The owner could evict me and lease my apartment out to someone else, or when it comes time to renew, increase the rent.”
“You are paying $2,000 a month. It’s not worth that.”
“Apartments like this one in the building are now going for $3,500 now.”
“Amazing, and to think that you could get one for $900 during the recession.”
“Many owners live out of state. I was looking at the tax rolls online. The owner-investors take homestead exemptions to reduce Florida real estate taxes. Someone should turn them in.”
“So what are you going to do?” Paul asked. He felt rather ashamed of himself for having believed his friend had been going out of her mind. She was probably being gaslighted by racketeers.
“What would you do?”
“I would publish an exposé in the Internet, write several damning letters, and go over the whole thing with detectives. I remember the story about the old fellow they found hanging. Maybe he was murdered.”
“No, I do not want the exposure. My family is discreet. I’m afraid this thing will drive me crazy. Maybe I should just move, but I do not have time to move right now. What should I do?”
“You told me you have prepaid legal insurance with that big shot law firm. So use it.”
“All they do for free is a couple of things a year, like review something, or write two letters, and then you must pay them if it goes beyond that.”
“Believe me: a strong lawyer letter here would get this board off your back pronto. If it goes further than that, have your family back you up. Gee, your ex is practically an Onassis of real estate. His lawyers would turn their gaslighting off for good.”
“Yes he would, but I hate to bother him. Thank you so much, Paul, for your support,” Helene said as Paul was leaving after partaking of pork chops half-heartedly because his father was Jewish. “I was afraid nobody else would believe me if I told them what is going on here.”
“Oh, they will believe you. This is Florida.”
Paul was right. The Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc. dropped its action against Helene Fulsome, or rather dismissed it with a “Warning” after receiving the following letter from Helene’s law firm:
___________________________________________________________________________________
Ms. Peggy Schmidt, Director
Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc.
2001 Oceanview Drive
Miami Beach, FL 33139
Dear Ms. Sheridan:
The Law Offices of Grant and Grant, P.A. is writing on behalf of our client, Helene Fulsome. Ms. Fulsome has asked this office to respond to two notices of violation, wherein you demand that our client correct violation of the rules and regulations of the association. You asked that our client immediately correct the violation. The violation cited is "other-other".
In your comments, you advise that our client authorized a visit to her home. Demand is hereby made that you cite by chapter and verse which rule and regulation of the Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc. this action violates. You go on to impart the information that our client's visitor did not visit, but instead went to another unit. Again, demand is hereby made that you cite by chapter and verse the rule or regulation of Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc. that our client has violated.
Despite the clear misuse of the rules and regulations of the Oceanview Estates Condominium Association, Inc. that appears to be propounded here by your Board of Directors, your decision to write our client and actually threaten her with the imposition of a fine for violations that do not exist, has exposed your management company, as well as the Board of Directors of the condominium association, to liability for possibly significant damages.
Although your Notice of Violation gives our client no notice whatsoever of what rule she has transgressed, she graciously responded not only once, but twice to your letters, as well as had the owner of the property who is quite embarrassed that her tenant is being disturbed in this way, to explain to you her reasons and her right to have a professional colleague visit. You have not accepted these explanations but instead have demanded that our client appear at a hearing on this matter.
Your failure to respond as demanded herein shall be considered as an intention on your part to refuse to amicably resolve this dispute. Please be aware that as such, we feel it will be incumbent upon us to advise our client to pursue her legal remedies.
It appears that the actions you have taken are the result of some other agenda, unknown to our client, and of which she is not involved. Instruct your Board of Directors to comply with the rules and regulations and the limitations of their offices or our next letter will be a claim against your association's Errors and Omissions policy.
Very Truly Yours,
LAW OFFICES OF GRANT AND GRANT PA
By Linda Owen Rice, Esquire
_______________________________________________________
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