Insde the mind of my 23yr old son...sad but true . Written by Billy Damron

Insde the mind of my 23yr old son...sad but true . Written by Billy Damron

 

Melinda Mindy Delph

Written by Billy Damron March 2011

Well like my father, I like to have that feeling of control, power and respect…more importantly I love money and that is my motivation. Let me explain why I think the apple doesnt fall far from the tree…

 

It is psychologically proven that we are products of our environment. For most, what we do is the ultimate test of who we are. For most, what we do is the ultimate of who we are. Therefore it’s no surprise why the men of minorities feel the need to partake in activities that symbolize control, power, respect and intelligence.

 

Some of what I’ve learned is from society’s demands. Meaning that part of the reason I rob and steal for example is not because I want to intentionally cause pain to others but simply because the society I live in gives me no choice but to rob and steal in order to just get by. Its called survival of the fittest…which is not just a term on the streets. The theory states that the human species knows nothing more than to adapt to their surroundings and do what it takes to survive.

 

I do know my decisions have taken a toll on my mom, my dad, my siblings, my children and myself. I don’t want to feel that pain and I don’t want to cause it. I know that I like the finer things in life so like my family, that’s why money is my motivation. On the contrary, I want a name for myself that’s famous and not infamous.

 

I’ve been extremely affected and changed by my crazy situations…but even through the pain, I perceive this as someone I still want to be. Not directly though but indirectly, because I still want the “man,” the provider, well respected and above the law…regardless of the cost. I want to be like my father, aside from the poverty and without being considered the minority.

 

Psychologists agree that people have genetics that are likely the cause of why we develop in a certain way. (Look it up!) However, the actual development also depends on the experiences people have gone through in their environment. With that being said…our culture also plays a major role in the way we learn. It determines the context of our learning as well. Believe it or not it is impossible for somebody to learn about something they have not yet experienced in one way or the other. Learning is like all other obtainable skills…it requires practice and depending on the culture some behaviors are practiced more than others.

 

Aside from the fact that society favors people with money and that are more upper-class, there is the small problem that I believe to be an epidemic that is eating away at more and more of us…more and more each year, poverty. Poverty is a disease and it is scientifically proven that children born into poverty are highly unlikely to escape it.

 

The minorities are frowned upon and our options limited…leaving us not only with little options but little opportunities. Leaving us to do what we know… survive, by any means necessary which brings us right back to, survival of the fittest.

 

 

People with a criminal records are not getting jobs and if they are lucky to get one, then is a given that they are paying the barest of minimum with no opportunity to improve at a certain craft or skill other than perfecting “the burger flip!” Sometimes the right to a better life, education or ultimately a better environment is not a feasible option. Simply speaking, the criminal activities I take a part in are not always what I want to do but more about what our great economy drives me to do.

 

Being incarcerated and trying to rehabilitate myself will not stop the discrimination, the perceptions and most of all, the judgments. I listen to how they talk and watch how they look in disgust at my hat cocked t the side and my pants sagging. They try to talk in slang as if I don’t understand proper English.

 

Even school curriculum tends to a society that we don’t live by. It teaches nothing about having children and not being married. Their books do not cover the ideas of not being able to retire on time or parents allowing children to live with them as long as they want. Teachers and judges these days know nothing about having parents that are only fifteen years older than them. This is not what the upper class consider “normal.” It’s something we see everyday yet it’s still not considered reality.

 

Now let me make clear that I, in no way, am saying that my behavior is excusable. What I am saying is that the odds are stacked against me in ways that I can no longer control. However, ‘knowing it” is the first step in changing it. Knowing the way I am perceived and judged I must use that knowledge as power to make a difference and break the ongoing and worsening cycle. Being a product of our environment does not have to be a bad thing, but becoming what society would never expect of me is a beautiful thing.

 

Its time I turn my hat around straight and pull up my sagging pants. I realize that being able to step out of my comfort zone and not blame my surroundings for who I am will only make me stronger. One thing I will always remember is that the system is set up for failure. Unfortunately the mistakes I make now will affect me later. There is no way to escape it…they will not let me. So I refuse to be a statistic but instead be part of tthe solution.