Writing and The Cold, Cold Art of Marketing

To all the category purists: This is a tale of two professions, one bold and manly, and the other meant just for wimps. You decide which is which.

Which skill contributes most to the arts, to science, and to verbal skills, while it stirs the imaginations, and hones the art of communication in an enlightened society? A good answer is writing. It comes to us in the form of poetry, expository and creative writings, articles, essays, blogs, newsletters, scholarly compositions, treatises, songs, jokes, humor, and dissertations that often carry profound messages that encourage deep-thinking, that stirs our imaginations, while they make most of us look, sound, and feel a lot better than we really are. They also make skilled orators out of otherwise mundane speakers; highly paid artists out of good performers, and champions—even “heroes”—out of boring athletes. That is quite a list of tangible results from a set of skills that summon very little compensation.

Now let’s compare and contrast writing to the game of golf. Contrary to common assertions, this activity does not build character. How could it when it summons up words so vile that most dare not use them anywhere near a live microphone. Where else do we hear the “F” word used more often than when a golfer flubs a shot? Except for a few divots, even the terrain looks the same after said golfer walks on it, and hacks away with a set of overpriced clubs. But does he or she add anything of substance to the art of conversation, to knowledge,or to our destiny? Most golfers are so inarticulate they could not find a place on a 3rd grade debate team. And what is the difference between a skilled golfer and a good golfer? Basically, we don’t know until after all the scores are tabulated.

Now bring in the marketing boys and girls. Set up 50 or 60 TV cameras. Assign commentators, analysts, and sponsors. Raise the payoff to sums so large that 99 percent of our cute little boys and girls cannot count that high. And ouila! We have a set of millionaires who can barely find their way home. Let a few weeks elapse, and then we have a set of little darlings who actually believe they earn what their grossly inflated bank accounts tell them.

A wise movie actor once said that he was a professional only in the sense that he was a prostitute who was overpaid to show his face—and maybe his body—on the Great Silver Screen. He and our sweet little golfers have a lot in common in terms of payments for services rendered. If he were a porn star, his words would be even true r.

I have fiddled around with golf for a long time without success at keeping my score low. But low-scoring golfers learned long ago that a little dishonesty goes a long way in that silly zero-sum activity. They cheat. And they submit a dishonest score on a card that makes it all above board. Thanks to TV and marketing, those that keep an honest tally are the new porn stars. Where else can a nobody, who cannot tell you the difference between a can of beer and a can of oil, get paid $50 million per year for walking around 6 or 7 miles, while getting paid a million dollars a mile?

Now consult your best fact-checking source and find out how much very good and honest writers are paid for the same amount of work, compared to those who contribute nothing to society without the help of a GPS unit and the marketing industry. Don’t get me started with other games, with other “heroes,” and such. I don’t know how much marketeers are paid, but I would try my hand at it if only I did not have to look in a mirror to shave my overblown, inflated face more than once a week.