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Ronald W. Hull

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Chester the Singing Parrot
by Ronald W. Hull
Saturday, December 9, 2023

Rated "G" by the Author.

       
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     Old Christmas joke I heard and retold at our Christmas party at work one year.

One year, I had a girlfriend who really liked birds. I wanted to get her a special Christmas present so I went to a local pet shop to see if I could buy her a singing bird like a canary.

 

When I asked the shopkeeper if he had any singing birds for sale, he said.

 

“I have a very special one, but he’s very expensive.” 

 

“Oh, what is special about him and how much is he?”

 

“He’s a rather randy parrot that sings Christmas carols. I’m afraid I can’t let him go for less than $500.”

 

“I can afford him. Show me what he does.”

 

The shopkeeper led me to the rear of the shop where there was a covered cage. He explained.

 

“Like I said, Chester gets Randy around other birds, so I have to keep the cover on his cage so he stays quiet.”

 

He pulled the cover off the cage to reveal a fine looking green parrot looking at us curiously. He then picked up a nearby candle and lit it with a match as I watched intently.

 

"Like this, he said…" He held a candle under the cage and, soon, Chester began singing "Silent night, silent night, all is calm, all is bright…"

 

I was amazed! I asked him, "Does he know any others?"

 

"He sure does. He hates the cold of winter because he comes from the warm, even hot, jungle. So when you hold a candle under him he warms up and starts singing a different Christmas carol every time, like this…"

 

He held the candle under the cage again and Chester broke into, "We three Kings of Orient are, bringing gifts from afar…"

 

I had to have him, so I bought him, parent food and his cage for another hundred dollars. But I figured it was worth it to surprise my girlfriend.

 

On Christmas Eve, I arrived at her home. It was cold and snowy outside so I rushed Chester inside with his cage wrapped in colorful paper with a big red bow, I found that it was around 85° in her living room because she had a roaring fire going in the fireplace.

 

She was eager to find out what this present was, so I took her over by the fireplace and she unwrapped her present. She was surprised and happy with what she saw.

 

"Oh honey, what a nice surprise! A parrot! How thoughtful of you…"

 

"He's a special parrot. His name is Chester and he sings Christmas carols."

 

"He does?"

 

"He does, all you have to do is light a candle under his cage."

 

She gave me a candle, I got it burning in the fireplace, and held it under his cage, but Chester said nothing, just ruffled his feathers. I finally figured out that he was too hot. So I explained it to her and we took him to a back bedroom that was dark and cooler where we hung his birdcage for a while and I fed him some parrot food I bought at the pet store.

 

My girlfriend was getting quite skeptical, so after we had a drink or two, we went back into that small room and I held a candle under the cage. Chester just looked curiously at us and said nothing from his perch.

 

Finally in desperation, I opened the door to the cage and held the candle right under his feet. Chester suddenly started to sing… "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire…"

 

Copyright 2023 © Ronald W. Hull

 

12/8/23

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Reviewed by Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham 4/13/2024
Ron,

All I can say is: Clever, Witty, Hilarious, and the ending is near to ingenious. Best laugh I have had all week!


Marve
Reviewed by Odin odin@aflx.com 12/15/2023
I remember this. Great little story.

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