A woman with serious health concerns wants answers, in regards to her future and what it will be like.
Tammy Jo EagleFeather is my name, and I am 25 years old; yet I feel more like 75.
I have multiple sclerosis that has left me seriously disabled, and I have my good days; but more often than not, I have my bad days. I am in a wheelchair, and it is a rare thing when I can walk on my crutches. I have a pair of forearm crutches, but I don't use them so much anymore. I also have trouble seeing sometimes, and I often feel tired and totally exhausted.
I have had to live with this problem for about three years now, and in only three short years it has gotten worse, and now it has left me totally disabled and unable to work. I did work at a strip club, but then I got this damn MS, and since then, I have been stuck at home, collecting disability (and even THAT isn't enough to live on). I used to have no trouble with paying my bills; now every month it is a struggle just to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach, let alone, clothes on my body.
They say I may get better, but so far, I DON'T see that happening. I feel so bad all the time, and I am on so many pills now it's a wonder I don't rattle! I also have fibromyalgia, and I hurt ALL the time; and nothing much is being done to help with the constant pain I'm in. Sometimes I hurt so bad it is all I can do to keep from wanting to kill myself. Maybe if I DID kill myself, at least I would have immediate relief from this godawful pain!!
They also say I may get worse and end up dying from my MS. I certainly hope that this doesn't happen, because I had a friend in high school who had M.S., and she got it when she was just 13; and she suffered horribly. By the time she died--it was right after graduation from high school when Elke died; she was just one month shy of her 17th birthday--, she was in a nursing home, and she was completely helpless. She couldn't talk, couldn't see, or do anything for herself, and she was bedridden. It was hard for me to see Elke like that because she had always been active, and now here she had been, stuck in bed, and dying from a devastating disease that had no cure.
I don't want to end up like my friend, Elke! If I were to do so, I would have someone shoot me or end my life if I were hooked up to tubes; I don't think I could live like that! To do so would be downright HORRIFYING!
I often get scared because I don't know what the future will bring. I may get better, or I may see a cure happening for my disease, but then again, I may get worse and end up like Elke Johannsen. There are no easy answers to a disease like mine, and I don't like living the way I am. I was always so active; and now here I am, a young woman, stuck in a wheelchair and wracked with pain and utter misery.
I could be a lot worse off than I am, but only three years ago, I was livin' on easy street, with a good-paying job and men at my feet; now I am alone, and I often feel horrible; and can hardly get around. I am also struggling to pay my bills, and it is really rough!
I don't know what the future may hold for me or for others who live with this Hell called Multiple Sclerosis; but all I CAN do is live one day at a time and hope that a cure is found before I either end up totally helpless or dying from my illness, just like my friend, Elke, did!
A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
