It's a deadly triad: bullies who terrorize, bullied kids who are afraid to tell, bystanders who watch, participate, or look away, and adults who dismiss the incidents as a normal part of childhood.
The Updated edition of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander From Pre-School to High School — How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence. It’s the deadliest combination going: bullies who get what they want from their target, bullied kids who are afraid to tell, bystanders who either watch, participate, or look away, and adults who see the incidents as simply ‘teasing’ and a normal part of childhood. Discussing her new book, the bully, the bullied, and the bystander, Barbara Coloroso gives parents, caregivers, educators—and most of all, kids—the tools to break this cycle of violence.
Bullying is a life-and-death issue that we ignore at our children’s peril. Thousands of children go to school every day filled with fear; others feign illness to avoid being taunted at school. Children who are bullied spend most of their time thinking up ways to avoid the trauma and have little energy left for leaning. Drawing on her decades of work with troubled youth and her wide experience with reconciliatory justice, bestselling parenting educator Barbara Coloroso offers practical and compassionate solutions for this troubling problem with this updated edition of THE BULLY, THE BULLIED, AND THE BYSTANDER: From Preschool to High School—How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle.
Now updated to include a chapter on cyberbullying, Coloroso helps readers recognize the characteristic triad of bullying: the bully who perpetrates the harm; the bullied who is the target (and who may become a bullied bully); and the bystander--peers, siblings, or adults who don’t act to defuse the situation.
Readers will also learn:
• What bullying is and what it isn’t; the three kinds of bullying; and the differences and similarities between boy and girl bullies
• How to read the subtle clues that a child is being bullied and what you can do to help.
• Seven steps to take if your child is a bully
• Four abilities that protect your child from succumbing to a bully
• Why zero tolerance policies can equal zero thinking
• Why contempt, not anger, drives bullying, and how to confront this in bullies
• And a whole new Chapter on Cyberbullying.
This groundbreaking and trusted guide now updated, provides real solutions for a problem that affects almost all school aged kids.
Excerpt
The bully, the bullied, and the bystander are three characters in a tragic play performed daily in our homes, schools, playgrounds, and streets...Most young children ry out all three roles and play each one with relative ease, then abandon the bully and bullied roles to become bystanders. Some children play both bully and bullied and move effortlessly between the two. A few get typecast and find it almost impossible to break out of the role they have mastered, with no opportunity to develop more constructive social skills.
Professional Reviews
Publisher's Weekly
This is an extremely helpful book that both parents and teachers can use to deal with bullying, an aspect of school that the author feels "is a life-and-death issue that we ignore at our children's peril." Staring with a bottom-line assumption that "bullying is a learned behavior," Coloroso (Parenting Through Crisis) wonderfully explains not only the ways that the bully, the bullied and the bystander are "three characters in a tragic play" but also how "the scripts can be rewritten, new roles created, the plot changed." For each of the three "characters," she breaks down the behavior that defines each role, analyzes the specific ways that each character can have their behaviors changed for the better, and suggests a range of methods that parents and educators can use to identify bullying behavior and deal with it effectively. The book also provides excellent insights into behaviors related to but not always recognized as bullying, such as cliques, hazing, taunting and sexual bullying. And while there have been numerous books about bullies, this volume is perhaps best for its sections on the "bystander," the person whose behavior is too often overlooked or excused. Coloroso's emphasis on aikido-related defensive skills do not sufficiently address the issue of what a child is to do when physical force is necessary to stop a bully, but overall this is an important look at the ways that bullied children can affirm their dignity and self-worth.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Education Today
"If you are a parent or a teacher, you should read this book."
Publishers Weekly
"An important look at the ways that bullied children can affirm their dignity and self-worth"
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