Category: Family Publisher: PublishAmerica
ISBN-10: 1615462589
Type: Non-Fiction
Copyright: August 2009
ISBN-13: 9781615462582
A true story of a mother's journey through her daughter's addiction.
For most of us, the word heroin evokes the idea of something evil, something with a life of its own, a hunter of souls bent on destroying lives. It has destroyed mine and my family’s. I believe that heroin hooks those who try it, dooming them to ruin and even death. Those who try heroin have no choice—they become addicted, junkies for life. Heroin use is a junkie’s profession.
not my daughter not only tells the heartbreaking personal story of a mother’s experiences with her daughter’s addiction, but it also exposes the consequences of a loved ones substance addiction and the way the disease works and its impact on families.
Excerpt
I’m watching her slowly die from heroin and she doesn’t even appear to want to stay clean. I think in some deluded way she likes being a junkie. It frees her from herself and gives her an identity in life.
My daughter, Bonnie is addicted to heroin and I feel helpless in helping her because she doesn’t care to want to help herself. I’ve often asked myself, how can you help someone who can’t help themselves? I have never felt pain this deep and I hope that one day my family can be restored to some normalcy, with or without her. It’s so hard to have someone become dead while they are technically still living. If only she could understand how her family, the people who love her most feel.
I’ve often heard people say that God helps those who help themselves. Sometimes he feels awfully generous and helps those incapable of helping themselves. I don’t think he is doing that now. God hadn’t seemed too important to our family before she started doing drugs. Could God be punishing us now because he wasn’t a part of our lives?
Like many mothers of drug addicts, I now fear I‘ve made lots of mistakes in rearing my children. When Bonnie became a drug abuser, I punished myself. It’s pure misery facing the fact that my daughter has a drug habit. It is painful trying so hard to make my family look perfect so we can present to the world an image that isn’t as bad as I fear it is.
I’ve always thought that I was a good mother. I thought I had raised my children the best I could. I was naïve in thinking that good people could go around with bad ones without having some of the unacceptable behavior rub off on them. We talked about drugs and alcohol. I thought my children were educated and I felt sure when they were faced with that decision they would make the right choice. Was I wrong? Could I have done more? Could I have found some other way to get my children to understand the problems that drugs cause? Could I have tried to understand their problems and keep tragedy at bay? It’s crazy how things happen so fast you don’t even realize its happening. It’s like the tide; it comes in and out at such a slow pace you don’t even notice the shore getting smaller.
I truly believed that Bonnie’s life had become hell and drugs were the Devil… but the crazy thing was drugs masquerade as an angel of light… It all felt so good to her. That’s how the Devil got her. He made Bonnie feel good. He promised her all the wonderfulness and beautifulness she always wanted. He tempted her with an apple so red and juicy she couldn’t help but take a bite. Well… Bonnie took the apple. It was all the glorious things she had been promised. But after a while she got sick and had to have more and more. Before she knew what was happening, she had sold her soul to the Devil. I’ve tried millions of times to buy it back.
I wanted to share this story with all parents so they will know this could happen to anyone. Anyone’s child, no matter how much you love them or what kind of home they came from. They can stray and it could cost them their life. Millions of people are touched by the effects of addiction, both in themselves and in those that they love. It is a powerful and devastating force, both psychologically and physiologically, and the behaviors which it illicit are often puzzling and upsetting.
Drug addiction not only destroys the user, it also destroys the family. Addiction robs you of your money, it robs you of your spirit and finally, when you have nothing left to give… it robs you of your soul. Heroin addiction is a disease, which ends in death for those who suffer from it. Heroin addiction is an illness of the mind, body, and soul. Heroin effects are not only physical but heroin effects are also of the emotional variety. Heroin effects are extremely harmful to the health of the person addicted to heroin. Death is a strong word but in the case of heroin effects, it is the final destination.
Addiction isn’t prejudice. It doesn’t matter who you are… it doesn’t matter what color you are… how much money you have… if you’re homeless… or if you have a family who loves you dearly… it can happen to anyone.
I’ve heard some of the arguments as to why kids use drugs and while my generation started this shit; it certainly doesn’t make it right. This world now has an epidemic called drug abuse that consumes 8% of the world economy. Just look around and see the human waste that this is causing.
I don’t know what the answer is, but my daughter’s continued use of illegal drugs will eventually drive a wedge between our relations that will harm us and greatly sadden me. I’ve finally recognized that it is not my fault. There is much that could have been done differently, but my daughter’s drug use is indicative of a disease much like alcoholism is. Most of us can try illegal substances and walk away from it. However, some just can’t stay away from it. It is a problem that they have to be mindful of for the rest of their life to avoid.
I come to realize that at this critical hour, my daughter still needs love, understanding and support… not less despite the fact that she has hurt her family, sometimes by stealing, by being dishonest or spiteful. I will need to come to terms with my own attitudes while being sure to take care of myself.
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