INTRODUCTION

Anybody who decides to write a book on getting married should have set a ship sailing inside turbulent waters and its anchorage is not really clear. But the ship must sail and it does not matter too much where it eventually anchors – whether it will be accepted or rejected; loved or hated – one thing certain is that whichever side of the coin that is eventually acceptable, does not make much difference after all. Of course, the greatest obstacle to success is the inability to take a decision and begin a process.

Therefore, this is a journey and we shall all travel together. Let us assume that none of us knows the road too well and so we shall be banking on each other’s knowledge of the environment. We are embarking on this journey for those of our friends who we know or not, who had all along been deeply perplexed and confused beyond explanation, concerning the controversial issue of hooking up with a man or lady for marriage. The issue has become a little elusive that some, out of frustration have given up hope of ever going to be married. Some have had to marry by all means: accepting just any condition because they want to marry. You can imagine some of these conditions.

Let me also encourage them for should I say, being dynamic concerning what I consider as life’s greatest challenge. Therefore, as long as they remain – “till death do us part”, marriage is marriage – and the end justifies the means. But I am afraid some people would not just mind answering somebody’s name or answering once married or even marrying and in the real sense of it “not marrying.” Indeed, this is the worst mistake anybody can make. However, since people have different reasons for the things they do and it is only when they let us into their minds that we can understand why they do things they do, we do not have any right to condemn anyone. Therefore, what an observer thinks a mistake by someone could be the person’s best decision concerning the issue on focus.

Anyway, we need to also tell ourselves the truth: choosing a life’s partner is very difficult, so sometimes, when marriages fail or young people find it difficult to trap the Mr. or Miss Right, or never even get married at all, you want to forgive them. Indeed, marriages must fail and will continue to fail and this is pitiable, but what makes sense obviously is what we are able to make out of such experience: particularly those who are yet to marry.

Here, the question to ask is why should marriages fail, when we can learn from other people’s experience? Then why do we not educate others? We have seen that people look at it as a taboo discussing their failed marriages: Why? Another question here: when marriages get torn, can they not be sewn together? For a negligible few of these failed marriages, they can be parched-up, but for many – you are just on your own – talking about putting things right again. So what do we do then? This is a question everyone has an answer to, no matter your knowledge or intellect; it does not matter if your answer is fantastic or not.

Therefore, this book is my own answer and encouragement to my friends on the vexed issue of choosing a life partner, because I have succeeded in choosing mine and so I have some experience. But let me confess, it was not easy getting it sorted out. So, it does not matter if you are married or not, you are part of this discourse. In essence, if you are yet to marry, you are my first guest and I reserve the front seat for you. If you are already married and the marriage is not yielding the desired result, you are equally my guest. By being inside this ship, you can discover, may be, why your own marriage ship is not charting a sensible course and from our discussion in this book, you can redirect the course of the ship.

If your own marriage has gone down like a failed bank, well you are also welcome on board; things can be fixed right again. Of course, who knows, you can get married again; for nothing is too late except death, and may be you are thinking about a second marriage now. Really, such a dream can be realized. Then importantly, at least, you can forestall the same situation for your children, younger siblings and friends; for in this life business of ours: choosing a marriage partner and indeed marriage proper, there is no perfection and no formula as they would say.

Sometime in the past, I had a lady friend who had a lot of confidence in my views and intellect on issues pertaining to life. She would often come to confide in me concerning her fiancé. The relationship had lingered for a good while and the real issue: ‘Marriage,’ was not being discussed. Sometimes the young man could treat her badly and she was taking the bullets calmly. One day, she narrated a very touching experience with her man and I felt bad and got angry. Although she sometimes got things wrong from her behavior, but in a bid to encourage her I fumed: “Why not leave him alone, after all must you get married and if you must, must it be him. If he does not really appreciate you, why waste your time?” My friend was indeed desperate to marry and although my reaction soothed her then, she did not really like what I said, particularly: “must you get married.” Her attitude later to me is a story for another time.

The point I am driving at is that most unmarried young people, especially ladies do not want to hear such truth as “not everyone is going to marry.” Say it where some much matured singles are, they would term it as wishing them ill-luck and “Bind you as a man of God could bind a cause.” Of course you have become an identified enemy. But now, I have decided to say it differently: “Blame Yourself If You Don’t Get Married.” May be this is diplomatic enough now and it can send whirl-wind of thoughts in any brain.

This is what the issue is: you can actually get whatever you want if you believe and work real hard at it. There is no two ways about it. In another way therefore, we can actually say that “everyone can get married.” However, do not be deceived, for the real challenge is in how to make this possible. Imperatively, remember that God finishes everything up; so you need a lot of prayers as well. Yes, because if life’s favors are based on strength, the truck-pusher will be the richest person on earth.

Indeed marriage is sweet and bitter, depending on how you prepare for it and essentially how you manage it; because it is difficult to manage marriage. But this fact should not discourage anybody. It is actually fun to be in a marriage. Get into the ‘Marriage Kingdom’ and get into the dancing floor. Learn from how others on the dancing floor are dancing and add your own style. That is marriage for you.

So friends, in this journey we are going to try to find out why everyone should get married and ironically, why everyone must not marry. The truth again is that whatever you want in life you can get it by choosing it, deciding to have it and working hard to have it. But there is also a snag here! We may or not have it the way we want. However, the way nature operates is that we must have something at each point in time: whether it is something we like or not.

What we are actually saying is that you get married or not depending on how you go about it. Thus, your mentality and attitude about marriage and preparation are cardinal issues. Essentially, your understanding of the fact that it is always a changing world is a key; therefore you adjust your thinking and plans based on existing realities. You must also have the intelligence to anticipate the future; which final outcome can fail or favor you. Mind you, nothing is assured in life.

In writing this book, I have pledged to take full responsibility of my views as expressed. I may be right or wrong in some issues, according to the understanding of any particular reader. But it all depends on who you are or where you are coming from. But in all, this book is set to analyze and answer volatile and confusing questions about the struggle to get married. Why and how you can get married and funnily enough, why you cannot get married. Every possibility is within your reach. You can choose or reject any possibility. It is indeed a free world. Be my guest as we enter the world of sense-making.