Amazon ThomHunter.com Category:  Religion Publisher: WestBow Press ISBN-10:  1449707319 Pages: 192 Copyright: November 15, 2010 ISBN-13: 9781449707316 Surviving Sexual Brokenness examines the roots and the roadblocks and provides understanding, encouragement, hope and help through Biblical truth and Christian compassion for the freedom-seeker and those who travel alongside.  The Christian church and homosexuality have a complicated relationship, and recent events have made it even more confusing. With the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the decision by six states to allow gay marriage and the pressures of culture to normalize homosexuaity completely, Christians and church leaders alike are left scratching their heads comparing what culture is telling them to what God instructs. "Surviving Sexual Brokenness: What Grace Can Do," published by WestBow Press, helps those struggling with their own sexual brokenness or confusion, as well as those affected by the struggles of the people close to them.  "Many who struggle with a form of sexual brokenness create an unwelcome double life: unacceptable to self, abhorrent to everone else," Hunter said. "Surviving Sexual Brokenness" has the unique aspect of being written by someone who has personally struggled with identity issues and found freedom and wholeness through the healing grace of God. "My desire is to use the experience of sexual brokenness -- a dominating temptation of unwanted same-sex attraction -- and the double life I lives as a husband, father, church, civic and business leader to serve as a cautionary tale of hope for other Christian men and women. I also want my experience of overcoming to offer hope and practical help," said Hunter. Other imporant questions Hunter answers for readers of "Surviving Sexual Brokenness:" 1.  Can you really walk free of homosexuality? 2. Did God make me this way? If He didn't, then why is it so hard to change? 3. What should I say to a loved one who says "I am gay?" How can I avoid the consequences of harsh judgment or careless compassion? 4. How is the epidemic of pornography addiction affecting families? 5. How can I approach church leaders who deny that sexual brokenness is prevalent in our churches and mong Christians? The insight and advice offered in this book proves there is hope after the devastation sexual brokenness can bring upon one's life, family and reputation. It demonstrates that, with grace, the Christian can eventually turn from their destructive path in the secret world of anonymous same-sex relationships, pornography, extramarital affairs or masturbation, to fulfillment through a relationship with Christ. Excerpt Please read the introduction from Surviving Sexual Brokenness While it's probably not a good thing to get too bogged down in the "who am I?" and the "who are you?" questions, they do come up in our minds every now and then. We can't help it. Who am I? Who are you? God only knows. But, thank God, God truly does know. It took me a long time to admit I was "sexually-broken." I knew from an early age that engaging in sexual activity with a person of the same sex was wrong. I knew it instinctively, but I also knew it spiritually. God's Word was clear on the issue. Still, it seemed impossible to resist and yielding to it cost me greatly. Only by accepting the fact that I was "broken," could I accept my need for repair, through a desire for holiness. My issue was homosexuality, but many Christians struggle with other forms of sexual brokenness: pornography addiction, lust, adultery, idolatry. What was meant for good — our sexuality — has been corrupted in many ways. Still, those of us who know Christ will always hope to replace our brokenness with wholeness though holiness. It is a survivable struggle. I was not always sexually broken. I was the little boy who sat on a sidewalk and watched the ants cross by, inches in front of my bare feet and wondered why they had so many to "be with." My father had left the family and we were splintered to the point of co-mingled solitude. God knew me in my aloneness. I was the second-grader zipped into a camping tent with a pedophile, innocent one in the hands of a not-so . . . being changed without my knowledge or consent and certainly in ways I could not understand. God knew me in my vulnerability. I was the shy middle-schooler envying the boys rising in popularity and athletic prowess, wondering why I am uncomfortable and so uncertain of self. God knew me in my awkwardness. I was the high-schooler anxious to move on beyond the presence of peers and the pressures of performance, but totally unsure as to what I was moving to. God knew me in my uncertainty. I was the college freshman exploring freedom, walking in the dark on a misty campus and accepting an invitation from a stranger into a new world that slyly presented itself as an answer to all my confusion. God knew me in my stumbling. I became the man hiding behind the man, developing the double-mind, fencing in the soul, projecting the persona, erecting the image, avoiding the reality, feeding the brokenness of the past so it could bleed into the present and project into the future. God knew me in my destructiveness. In the timeless view of God, I am all of those described above . . . but so much more. In God's expansive view of time . . . I am broken and whole, hurt and healed. The weight of who I am is not a burden to an omniscient loving God whose grace covers all. I am the man who is healing, rejecting society's claims of inevitability, shaking off judgment, refusing to surrender to others' genetic wishful thinking, accepting the reality of choice and embracing the simplicity of daily surrender . . . to the God who always knew me. What is man that You are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him? -- Psalm 8:4 We are who we are in part because of where we've been. In all those places, God was "mindful" of us. We hid; we paused; we ran; we rejected; we fell. Sometimes we ran to Him; sometimes we fell before Him; sometimes we cried out to Him; sometimes we pleaded with Him. In all ways, He is always "mindful." I am a husband and a father. I have five children who are: a business owner, a graduate student, an Army Ranger, a police officer, a college student. I have four daughters-in-law and six grandchildren. I have two dogs and five fish. I have a wife who has loved me from before "I do" and still does. I am all of the things I mentioned above: sometimes alone, sometimes vulnerable, sometimes awkward, sometimes uncertain, sometimes stumbling, and sometimes destructive. I am also healing; I am surrendering; I am changing. I am showing the signs of the struggle, which means I do not yield to brokenness as inevitable or final. Maybe you . . . or someone you love . . . is a bit like me, too-long bent beneath the weight of who we are, ready to let the God who bears all . . . bear us. It's tragic how many things in life we do for love and acceptance, and yet all that time we have Someone who loves us and accepts us from the moment we are conceived. It's sorrowful that we yearn for someone to really know us and yet we have always had Someone who has always known the very number of hairs on our head. It's sad that we want so not to be alone and we have always had Someone who said He would never leave us. When I look back - - - which it is getting easier to do — I understand much more clearly what use to be not so comforting. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. -- Romans 8:28 The truth is, if we believe that we can find our own way out of this wilderness of sin, we won't. It is in Christ alone. Still, Christ is not limited in His workings and can use anything or anyone He so chooses to bring the lost sheep back into the flock. I had done many things right and well. I married the woman I loved; I tried very hard to be a good father to my five children, though there is no doubt they were damaged by the deep secrets in my life . . . secrets kept from them in part to protect them and in part to feed my own personal misguided search to fill an emptiness only God can fill. I never abandoned church. I never turned my back on God's Word. I was not totally hopeless, but often futilely helpless. Just as my journey began in the hands of a twisted man who robbed me of my trust in all men . . . my journey's end began in the hands of men I learned to trust. These are men who fear God but were themselves fearless in the face of my confusion, caring enough to be a steady hand through my continued stumbling, rather than recoiling in horror as if I bore a sin of contagion. These men straight-forwardly helped me to right myself, presenting me with supportive accountability, not super-scriptural checklists. Through these relationships, I learned the power of compassionate truth from men who had ears to hear and hearts big enough to carry the burdens I finally unloaded. And they wanted nothing from me other than to see me walk steadily towards freedom. Myself long suspicious of God — particularly when told to view Him as Father — I began to experience God's love through people who approached me as God-with-skin-on, yielded to His purpose, enabled with the stamina it takes to walk faithfully at the side of one who had teetered so often on the edge. If we are willing, God brings rescuers into our lives. If we are willing, He can take us from the brink of disaster and call us to become rescuers ourselves. Those who have seen the pit know best where to place the warning signs to help others avoid the fall. I had a hard time believing that some of the things that happened to me - - - as well as some of the things I myself did - - - could possibly be used by God for any good purpose. Now I know better. I know there is always more going on than I can possibly understand, so I learned to stand on God's promises. God loves me even when I can't feel it. God is working in every moment even when I can't see it. God is changing me even when I don't understand it. God has always been there, no matter how rejected I felt by others, no matter how hard I was rejecting Him. When I was knit in my mother's womb . . . God was there. When my Dad drove away for the final time . . . God was there. When the scoutmaster crawled into my tent . . . God was there. When I married my best friend . . . God was there. When my children were born . . . God was there. When they turned away from me . . . God was there. When I was hurt . . . God was there. When I hurt others . . . God was there. When I was redeemed . . . God was there. When I fell . . . God was there. When I was restored . . . God was there. When I got up this morning . . . God was there. When I lay down this evening . . . God will be there. And when I ascend into heaven . . . God will be there too. There is no secret too buried . . . no past too dark . . . no confusion too deep . . . no sin too ugly . . . no inner or outer fault so distasteful that it is above the enduring and ever-present grace of God. Nothing can separate us from our Father's love. There is no struggle He cannot cease. (NOTE: If you would like for Thom to add your church or group to his speaking schedule, just send an e-mail to th2950@yahoo.com. Dates available.)

God Heals ALL Sexual Brokenness Through His Grace
In the introduction to Thom Hunter's book, _Surviving Sexual Brokenness: What Grace Can Do_, there is a paragraph which I underlined and referred to almost every time I returned to the book: "It took me a long time to admit I was 'sexually broken.' I knew from an early age that engaging in sexual activity with a person of the same sex was wrong. I knew it instinctively, but I also knew it spiritually. God's Word was clear on the issue. Still, it seemed impossible to resist and yielding to it cost me greatly. Only by accepting the fact that I was `broken,' could I accept my need for repair, through a desire for holiness.'"

As the leader of a recovery group for sexually broken Christian men (freeinchrist@yahoogroups.com), this paragraph could easily exemplify the problem and also the solution to the pain and suffering of hundreds of people I encounter; their misery is genuine, for they are truly sexually broken; but as for the solution, they are as individuals in a very dark room, holding an extension cord of wholeness, but unable to find the electrical outlet because of the terrifying darkness. And that outlet is the grace of God

Sexual brokenness is sexual brokenness, regardless of the form in which it manifests itself - pornography, adultery, homosexuality, pedophilia, bestiality, incest, etc. Thom Hunter's book alludes to possible causes for this brokenness, but he is not rash enough to proclaim that he has found the solution. As a father of five who fought, fell and rose again to fight against unwanted same-sex attraction, he has suffered fractured relationships with some of his children. He has been vilified and cast out of his own church by those who apparently choose to hide their own brokenness. His wife has faithfully remained at his side, participating in the grace that continues to heal him.

There are thirty-three chapters in this book of 167 pages. It is not only an easy read, but it is an inspiring experience. Above all it is a hopeful experience for the sexually broken. Several factors account for this: Thom has a clarity of writing style that make it difficult to put the book down - he is a poet; he has chosen deeply relevant Bible verses to illustrate how the glory of grace works in those who have a less than kind impression of themselves; he transforms the concept of evil into good, extolling doubt, guilt, and shame - and he makes it obvious that grace and grace alone is the inner physician mending the shattered heart that has an innate desire to be righteous and love God.

"We need instead to see ourselves as Jesus sees us," he says. "Jesus sees us as complete . . . he picks us up and wraps us in His arms and simply loves us. He doesn't wrestle us into forced surrender; He invites us to surrender and soothes us with grace and peace. He doesn't point and mock, reducing us to shame; He holds and hears and builds us back up with hope.

"Jesus doesn't exploit our weaknesses. When we're weak, He is strong. He never makes us wish we had never been born; He makes us rejoice to be born again."

The sexual storms that erupt in our lives don't just tear away the good; they wash away the bad. The just and the unjust are recipients of grace. Struggling with sexual brokenness is a form of suffering that often seems deserved not only in the eyes of our observers, Thom says, but in our own. Why are we so weak? Inquiring minds really . . . really ...really want to know.

A recurring theme in this book is the "reward" of resignation ... and what a reward it is. Bitterness, inaction, stagnancy. Again I emphasize that anyone who reads this book will find it impossible to resign himself to a life of sexual brokenness. "Therefore we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance" (Romans 5:1-3).

This is not a book of condemnation, judgment, or the search for secular solutions. Rather it is a blessing of divine wisdome because it shows us that even in our spiritual warfare we have GRACE to celebrate the darkness that is upon us. For without knowing the night, how can we rejoice in light of morning?

Perhaps I am so attached to this book (I've read it three times) is because it persists in showing me the depth of the love of Jesus Christ for me, in spite of the sins that consumed me most of my life. Yes, He is the "hound of heaven," pursuing me through the forest, crashing rocks and fallen trees to get His hands on me. One feels His hot, loving breath on the neck, and one knows that at last the chase is over.

There is a magnificent chapter entitled "The Graceless Gospel of Guilt," perhaps my favorite, as I am one who continues to live with the guilt of my sexual transgressions. I have read countless books in my attempt to rid myself of this demon that obsesses me, but few have given me the relief of the New Testament. My problem with the New Testament, with its repentance, with its admonition to forget yesterday, was that I hadn't yet realized that I loved my sin more than I loved Jesus Christ. I hope that the reader of this review who is agonizing over the guilt of the past can suddenly be emptied of the lies, distortions, and constant obsessions that the enemy uses to keep us sexually broken. "The Graceless Gospel of Guilt" is a gospel for all of us who are sexually broken. The miracle of this chapter is that the author has ripped himself free from the guilt that the world imposes on this. I personally have experienced a revelation from this particular chapter which has moved me light years from the dysfunctional desire to wallow in my guilt because I couldn't find Christ.

There is an outstanding chapter about the church which some might find controversial. Perhaps it is best dealt with in this review with a "biblical-secular" reference from the book:

"Instead of leaving the 99 sheep to go after the one that is lost, the church is often busy building a tighter corral to keep the lost sheep out with the wolves where he belongs in his assumed depravity. Maybe he is not so much depraved as just wandering and uncertain and needing the right kind of love. Honest and real. Maybe the men and women in our churches who struggle with same-sex attraction would tell someone in the church themselves rather than waiting for that awful discovery to emerge and submerge them in shame, labeling them as perverted and perverting, if they believe that the ears would hear and not recoil in disgust. What is it about revealed sexual sin - straight or gay or whatever - that sends us into spasms of shock and horror? Are we, as a church, really silly enough to think that Sunday sermons and seasons of VBS somehow inoculate us from the evils of the world? Jesus knew better."

If you are hanging on by your fingernails, about to take your last breath before you let go in despair, consider purchasing this book first and doing yourself a favor by coming to the reality that GOD'S GRACE is for all of us.

All we have to do is unclench our hands and release the self-loathing and fear. The grace of God will never allow us to clench them again.


Grace for the Journey and Wisdom from the Battles – A Review of “Surviving Sexual Brokenness” by Thom Hunter
Since getting reacquainted and in the loop at SBC Voices, I have come to appreciate each time Thom Hunter shares a new post. His writing is always penetrating and frequently takes a tack that few will ever ponder or dare to do, usually because it is born of personal and often painful experience of the sort that few are willing to share about transparently with others. This is the main reason that I jumped at the offer to review Thom’s book, Surviving Sexual Brokenness.

If I were required to describe the book using a single word, I would go back to that same idea: transparent. This isn’t a theory book or an abstract look at the problem of sexual issues in the body of Christ. This is the story and lessons learned by a man who has been through the fire personally and been given the grace and the gift to share the lessons learned with those are at an earlier point in the journey or who have not gotten the courage to start. Make no mistake about it, this book will challenge and prod in a good way.

There may be those who question the notion of sexual brokenness that Thom is talking about in the book, but statistics bear out the depth of the issue within the church itself. We live in a culture that glorifies sex and promiscuity and promotes an “anything goes” attitude toward sex. While most churchgoers understand the inherent problem with this worldview, we have struggled with how to respond. Some pastor’s have gone along with the “sensationalization of sex” and made responding to it part of their marketing ploy if you will. Others have chosen to not say much at all. Thom addresses head on the fact of sexual brokenness that surrounds us in the pews and offers help on reaching out to those who have already wrecked into the shoals or are perilously close to such a disaster.

There is excellent advice for churches and pastor’s in this book that comes from a heart who has been on the receiving end of both helpful and hurtful help from those who were just trying to do the right thing. Thom gives excellent advice on how we can relate to and help those who are struggling without compromising the truth of Scripture and God’s standards of righteousness. He also invites us to take a hard look at attitudes and behaviors that may lead us to isolate or destroy our ability to minister to those who need it most, the broken. One statement that stood out was, “from him who fails much, much failure is expected.” This encapsulates the problem we so often have in extending the same grace to others or even ourselves that we so desperately need to have and to give.

I do not hesitate to recommend this book and I cannot imagine any person who would not benefit from reading it. The issues surrounding sex and sexuality and how we respond to them, particularly in the areas of sexual sin are going to be a flashpoint for years to come. If you want to be prepared ahead of time instead of scrambling for wisdom in how to respond in the wake of a crash and burn disaster, you should read what Thom has shared. His wisdom from experience will provide grace for the reader and insight for the storm. I am grateful to him for providing me a copy to read so that I could equip myself and those around me for the days ahead.

A Transparent Look at the Struggle with Sexuality
I don't know Thom personally, only through blogging online and reading what he has written. In this book, Thom shares from his personal experience, without delving into lurid detail, in such a way as to give grace to others who are in the struggle themselves.

If I were required to describe the book using a single word, I would use the word transparent. This isn't a theory book or an abstract look at the problem of sexual issues in the body of Christ. This is the story and lessons learned by a man who has been through the fire personally and been given the grace and the gift to share the lessons learned with those are at an earlier point in the journey or who have not gotten the courage to start. Make no mistake about it, this book will challenge and prod in a good way.

There may be those who question the notion of sexual brokenness that Thom is talking about in the book, but statistics bear out the depth of the issue within the church itself and in society as a whole. We live in a culture that glorifies sex and promiscuity and promotes an "anything goes" attitude toward sex. While most churchgoers understand the inherent problem with this worldview, we have struggled with how to respond. Some pastor's have gone along with the "sensationalization of sex" and made responding to it part of their marketing ploy if you will. Others have chosen to not say much at all. Thom addresses head on the fact of sexual brokenness that surrounds us in the pews and offers help on reaching out to those who have already wrecked into the shoals or are perilously close to such a disaster. Despite the cries of those who would say otherwise, ignoring God's plan for sex will lead to brokenness.

There is excellent advice for churches and pastor's in this book that comes from a heart who has been on the receiving end of both helpful and hurtful help from those who were just trying to do the right thing. Thom gives excellent advice on how we can relate to and help those who are struggling without compromising the truth of Scripture and God's standards of righteousness. He also invites us to take a hard look at attitudes and behaviors that may lead us to isolate or destroy our ability to minister to those who need it most, the broken. One statement that stood out was, "from him who fails much, much failure is expected." This encapsulates the problem we so often have in extending the same grace to others or even ourselves that we so desperately need to have and to give.

I do not hesitate to recommend this book and I cannot imagine any person who would not benefit from reading it. The issues surrounding sex and sexuality and how we respond to them, particularly in the areas of sexual sin are going to be a flashpoint for years to come. If you want to be prepared ahead of time instead of scrambling for wisdom in how to respond in the wake of a crash and burn disaster, you should read what Thom has shared. His wisdom from experience will provide grace for the reader and insight for the storm. I am grateful to him for providing me a copy to read so that I could equip myself and those around me for the days ahead.