Category: Humor Publisher: Self Published
Type: Fiction
Pages: 237
Copyright: 1st January 2011
A NEW wickedly funny novel by John D Rhodes
Dave’s mind is thick with fog but something is holding the doors shut tight.
Davie is lost, and what’s more he's blind, trapped in hospital, tortured to distraction by a beautiful nurse and accompanied by Lenny a quite stinky tramp come wizard of dubious origins. What more could a man want? Who can help him escape all three and will he really like the answers once his mind returns to normal?
At least things can’t get any worse… can they? Come along on Dave’s voyage of discovery and revenge, just where did the disease ridden cat come from, who are, Fate, Degradation, Famine and Hope and can he really win back the love of his life?
The answers, strangely, may lie within this story, where the struggle for ultimate power, mystical ageless beings and the delights of office party sexual politics meet in a headlong car crash of magic, good versus evil and some odd, (very odd in this case) talking beasties.
Excerpt
The very first person he saw could have been an angel, a gentle corsair ready to lift him morally and bodily but was more likely the opposite; a demon second only to the devil in its love of evil, sent to torture him, its talons scraping his skin with joyful slathering menace even as he awoke. The floating indistinct face swam before him all pale and blurred, the evil ellipsoid eyes seemed to burn, two bright fires searing through a hazy mist. The twisted mouth lolled and mocked, open in a grimace of sheer malice, reptilian tongue red and worked away with feverish over active menace. Its voice was coarse and hungry, taunting and teasing. Had he died and gone to Hell, he hadn’t realised Hell would be so bright and so full of the smells of antiseptic and bleach with just a hint of yesterday’s lunch – boiled cabbage and spotted dick. No burning sulphur but yes, yes he could hear the cries of the damned, the moans the whimpering of the lost and tormented souls! Maybe this was one of those Close Encounters beloved by the alien theorists, he clenched his buttocks firmly and securely just in case?
“Hello dear,” the voice had said. “It’s nice to see you in the land of the living.”
It was all told a very strange thing for a demon to say, what kind of perverse reality did these servants of the horned one live in and would an alien really have a Scottish lilt?
“Don’t you worry now pet, just take it easy, that’s a love...” the voice seeped into his ears like treacle and slipped into his semi-conscious self, almost soothing, partly mocking. “The doctor will be with you shortly love.”
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part II is adult literature featuring adult language and situations that satirizes thirteen famous novellas and short stories. It is Jay Dubya's sixteenth ebook.
Deputy Dave Jenkins sets out to find the murderer of the local high school principal, aided by a voice from the grave that is sometimes helpful and sometimes misleading.
"Murder isn't usually this funny."
Amazon reviewer
