Valuable advice on developing and maintaining happy and healthy intimate relationships based entirely on first-hand experience.
My goal with this book is to share information that readers might find of value in their own relationships. Looking back on my own life experience, I wish someone had shared some of this with me so I could have avoided learning many things the hard way.
My first marriage ended after 17 years and I remained single for 14 years before marrying Barbara. We have been married over twenty-nine years and share a happy and healthy relationship. We now live in Austin, Texas.
I learned a great deal from my first marriage and other relationships. However, my years with Barbara have been my most valuable learning and growing experience and definitely the happiest years of my life.
In this book, I have assembled a great deal of information based on my first-hand experiences, a small amount of research, and discussion with
other couples. I sincerely hope that you will find this information of real value in your own relationships.
Not everything in this book will feel comfortable to everyone. You may find some of the suggestions uncomfortable or even intrusive. I fully expect some push back from men and perhaps some women. Even I have found that not all of the ideas work for me, but some of those have worked for others.
Every relationship involves two unique individuals and only you and your partner can decide what may be of value to you. I believe there is much in this book worth exploring and I hope many couples will benefit from the reading.
I'm fortunate to be in a wonderful relationship and I wish everyone the same happiness that Barbara and I share.
Excerpt
No matter what you learn, if you are looking for guarantees in life, you are going to be disappointed. Nothing nor anyone can guarantee you a happy,
healthy, long lasting relationship.
Naturally,the better the relationship the better the chance that it will last. Some things important to one happy
and healthy couple may not be as important to another. Keep in mind that relationships are as different as people and what matters is to be happy
together.
Being happy need not be related to age. You have probably heard the messages that forty is the new thirty, fifty is the new forty, and even seventy is the
new fifty. It may well feel that way to some individuals but to others it may feel just the opposite depending on many factors, some of which we can’t
control. Regardless of age, it's distressing to hear one partner say to another “Act your age.” What does that really mean? Is there really an age where you must stop playing or joking? There is no reason a couple can't play around or tickle each other while wrestling on the floor.
What's the harm in sometimes being silly? Don't allow your relationship
to get old and boring. It's OK to play, joke around and even act silly once in a while. Enjoy the feeling and both of you will benefit no matter your age.
Happiness is essential to a good relationship and most of us are quickly aware when something is happening that negatively impacts us. Even though we can usually sense when something is
wrong, the tendency is either to remain in denial or fail to address your feelings. Maybe we think that if we don’t say anything it may blow over.
That is remotely possible but highly unlikely.
Small issues tend to magnify if not dealt with. Even though unwise, we sometimes find it hard to face them and they become worse.
How do you feel about your relationship? Are you
happy? Does your partner seem content? This isn’t a measure based on what you may have read in a book, or seen on TV or the Internet. Base this on how you really feel and if you have doubts,
bring them up with your partner and deal with them early on before they become serious problems.
Professional Reviews
An Informative Read For Anyone
I found this book to be such an informative and important read offering tips for all types. I couldn't agree with the author more about never ever taking your partner for granted and that
love means ALWAYS saying you're sorry— actually as quickly, whole-heartedly and as often as needed. I'd recommend Bill's book to add zest to an already good relationship or to help you create
the one you long for.
Clear, True Insight From An Untrained Person
Oftentimes clear, true insight comes from someone not “trained” or “educated” in a particular field of thought. This book represents one of those times. The subject of "relationships” is so complicated
few outside the legal/ counseling/mental
health arenas even attempt to address it for fear of being ignored, misunderstood or, worse yet, laughed at.
The author’s conversational style makes his book about the subject quite easy to read / understand and as one absorbs his meaning . . . believable. It rings so true that as I was reading, I kept wanting to cut out paragraphs to put on my computer, refrigerator and bathroom mirror!
A Great Definition of Love
I hope your day is going well. By the way, I am really enjoying your book. I am reading it differently than I had intended, though, to my surprise.
There is too much there to gloss over it lightly. I found that out, quickly, when I read your definition of love. I had to stop right there. It took me
two weeks of pondering, just that bit, and examining my life and relationships, to finally come to the conclusion that I completely agreed with
you!! It was a serious contemplation on my part.
I have found myself, in further reading, wishing that there was a workbook or outline guide at the end the book to further address all the wonderful points that you make, sort of a relationship checklist! (maybe there is one….I haven’t checked the end.)
It is lovely, Bill. I think many people can and will benefit from the dialogue that you present. It truly makes one have a self-conversation. I am
delighted at my own introspection in relation to your written word and experience.
It is like eating rich chocolate and having the need to savor and roll it over the tongue; in this case, the mind, for the true essence of what is being communicated. I can’t imagine one being in a relationship and not contemplating the effectiveness of one’s actions, or non-action, in reading it.
I also listened to some of it in a female voice. It “reads” well in audio, if you haven’t tried that.
Thank you, so much, for sharing this with me. I am truly becoming a better partner, for what you have gained and are willing to share.
The e-book version of Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self - Love - Narcissism Revisited". Contains the entire text: essays, frequently asked questions and
appendices regarding pathological narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
