Amazon
Growth Central
Growth Central
Category:
Relationships
Publisher: Growth Publishing
ISBN-10: 1893505677
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 284
Copyright: October 2017
ISBN-13: 9781893505674
Price: $24.95 (eBook)
Welcome to an exploration of an Integral Approach to Relationships. Integral Relationships are a reliable context for both horizontal translation and vertical transformational development and open our lives to a new potential of well-being which can include greater complexity and experience of attunement, secure attachment, awareness and attention.
The book is organized into four (4) Parts. Part I - Getting Integral, provides some basic framework for those interested in integral theory and the potential of Integral Relationships. The development process can be understood through the metaphor of the Climber(s) or the two Self(s), the Ladder, and the View. I suggest a differentiation of the Shadow, into dark and bright aspects, each with recognizable impact on the self-system, and how partners are sometimes powerfully drawn to each other s bright shadow/dark shadow within the context of a Relationship. Consideration of States, Lines, Types, Cycles, Phases, and the Quadrants adds to a more Integral Approach to the understanding of human relatedness. A Psychograph of Levels and Lines of Individual Development, and a Mutual Discourse Graph are proposed as tools for assessment of Relationships. Part II - The Brain, describes some pertinent neuroscience research related to the Primitive Brain, Thinking Brain, and Integral Brain framework which is an inherently developmental and evolutionary orientation to the structure of the human brain in the context of Relationships. The Primitive Brain, Thinking Brain, and Integral Brain are the neural correlates of the Pre-rational, Rational, and Trans-rational stages of consciousness. Part III - The Mind, describes the Primitive Mind, Thinking Mind, and Integral Mind and offers a discussion of the significance of the top-down and bottom-up processes in the contest of Relationships. There are numerous social and cultural implications to an understanding of the Primitive Mind and its presence and accessibility to all human beings. The Thinking Mind is sometimes capable of overriding the impulsive and automatic nature of the Primitive Mind, in part by asking the Big Question, What do I need right now to be OK and to be healthy in the long term? The healthy Thinking Mind is focused on OK-ness. It is the realization and frustration of the limitations of the Thinking Mind in context of Relationships that very well may propel some to become interested in the possibilities of the Integral Mind and Integral Relationships. The Integral Mind and Integral Relationships add the potentials of IAM-ness as well as a mind, body, and spirit integration to partners lives. Part IV - Competencies and Practices for Integral Relationships, presents twenty-five (25) competencies for Integral Relationships. These competencies can be developed through a cross-training approach to some twenty-two (22) practices for Integral Relationships. We will attempt to show throughout the book, why and how the understanding and future development of this approach will be beneficial to those interested in Integral Relationships, both personally and professionally.
Excerpt
William and Barbara argued frequently during the first five years of their marriage. At Barbara’s insistence, they began couple therapy. They both held a belief that the truth about them could be discovered. They also believed the post-conventional notion that right and wrong comes from within, suggesting that they were probably at an Orange Altitude of development. (See View below). William seemed to overpower Barbara with his anger and sarcasm. He was tall and rather slender with a short beard and deep brown eyes. He had been a history professor for nine years before changing fields to become an artist and self-employed businessman. William organized exhibitions where he sold his own art and that of other artists, as well as antiques and collectibles. Barbara was tall and slim with blonde hair and blue eyes. She worked as a successful interior decorator. Barbara was interested in self-improvement and in working on the Relationship, realizing that she was not satisfied with her life. Both William and Barbara had recently become interested in spirituality and had begun some initial meditation practice, and they were interested in exploring their Shadow material. (See The Shadow below) William reported that he feared emotional closeness and was too rigid in his thinking. He had a history of hostility toward his wife or anyone with whom he had been in a Relationship. William would become controlling, verbally abusive, and emotionally distant from his partner. He would transform from a caring lover to a “control freak,” criticizing everything that his partner did. At this time, the only object of his criticism was Barbara. William admitted during an individual session that he had dated his students while he was a professor. After living with one female student for two and a half years, they moved together from Seattle to New York. One day he came home to find a note from her. She had just walked out of his life permanently, taking her personal property with her. Her only explanation was that she had never wanted to move to New York in the first place. He was hurt and angry but became engrossed in his new teaching position. Soon William became overly friendly with a married student, Barbara, who had two teenage daughters. As a graduate student in her late 30s, Barbara had aspired to become an “intellectual.” Her then husband, James, a down-to-earth computer salesman, hated reading and would rather watch a soccer game or tennis match on TV than participate in any form of intellectual discussion. Dissatisfied with her marriage, Barbara distanced herself from her husband, and unburdened herself of her problems by talking to her professor friend, William. He gave her a soothing shoulder to cry on. Shortly thereafter, Barbara divorced her husband and married William.
While understanding and supportive throughout their friendship, following their wedding, William suddenly built emotional walls. Barbara described the change this way, “William became a stranger with dark moods and a really bad temper, and he was secretive and private.” Barbara moved into William’s house after selling her own. According to their prenuptial agreement, she had no rights to his house or any of his belongings. William reminded her that his house was fully paid for, and Barbara had to ask permission to decorate or move her own things around. This greatly disturbed Barbara particularly because she was an interior decorator. The only rooms she could even minimally redecorate were the kitchen and her side of the bedroom. The living room and other areas, including the bathroom, were off limits. It was his home, and Barbara felt like a guest. While her older daughter was away at college, her younger daughter, Suzanne, had intense verbal arguments at home with William when she wouldn’t comply with his rules. One day he locked her out of the house. Following this, with Barbara’s help, Suzanne moved to her father’s house in a nearby section of the city.
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