“Sex Lies & Alibis” is an inspirational self-help / relationship book. It is aimed at over 60% of people who are failing in their relationships, and who are desperate for success but are unsure how to achieve it.
The average person starts a relationship putting their best foot forward. They are dressed to impress and quite often personal fulfillment is very much on their mind. This book has over 10 years of uncut and candid observations about why the current relationship culture continues to fail. It exposes relationship games in a way that informs and empowers, while providing a new approach to success. In addition, it provides a fresh perspective to the questions:
·Is love at first sight possible?
·Are all men dogs?
·How long should I date someone before marrying them?
In public forums these are just a few of many questions that come up, but there is often not enough time to elaborate, as people are desperately longing for the details. This book will become a relationship map at your fingertips. All you have to do is open it and began reading this insightful exposéof the game, and let it transform your relationships.
Excerpt
Chapter 4
THE PROCESS OF THE GAME
Soft and Soothing
As we continue with the true story of the college couple I am calling Fred and Wilma, they are now very much into an exclusive relationship. We now understand that Fred is a very popular fraternity guy, is an athlete, and has a relatively nice car. Fred is one year ahead of Wilma in college, and when he is around the guys, his personal fulfillment objective is admittedly sexual. Wilma, on the other hand, has quietly traded sex for financial support, transportation and social status. It has now been several months, and the spring semester is coming to a close. Both Fred and Wilma are satisfied with what they are getting out of the relationship. In preparation to leave, Fred manages to set-up a series of sexual escapades throughout the weeks, days, and nights before they break for summer.
Fred helps Wilma load her things into the trunk of his car the morning she is scheduled to fly home to Chicago.
He drops her off at the airport where they both express intense feelings of infatuation, hoping it will preserve the relationship until they return for the fall semester. A series of amorous phone calls and text messaging is their plan to keep the fire burning over the summer. Wilma quickly sets the stage as her flight is called for boarding. “Fred, I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you this summer.” Fred replies, “Me neither, I’m missing you already! I’ve got to find a way to see you at least once this summer.” I know says Wilma, “You’ve better make sure you keep all the girls at bay, I don’t want anybody trying to steal my man.” Fred offers another comforting hug as he says, “You don’t have anything to worry about; you are the only person I want to be with.”
Of course they kiss and grope for reassurance, as these words are all they have to carry them through a summer of sexual cold turkey each assumes the other has agreed upon. Fred knows he must live up to this perception of being sexless over the summer, so that he can continue what he started when they return for the fall semester. Wilma sees the temporary celibacy as a way to honor their exclusive commitment recently made to one another. Fred waves goodbye and drives himself home to a nearby city not far from campus.
The process of the game is very simple, yet profound, because it can take different paths. Basically, it starts with persuasive communication. The persuasive part of the game is what I call the soft and soothing, easy feel good part of the game. This is what happened when Fred first met Wilma, and they both put their best foot forward in how they looked, talked, smelled, etc. The more they appeared perfect to one another, the more eager they became to crack the euphoric shell, and experience the rush of what was perceived to be waiting inside. When Fred said that Wilma was “the only person he wanted to be with,” he was using a classic persuasive tactic. Typically, when a promise is kept or perception of reward is received, this can be a legitimate use of persuasion, but when promises are broken and the perceived reward is lost, persuasion can be perceived as nothing more than a conning, lying, cheating, you no what. Remember, the mind is the battlefield; therefore the goal of a player is to influence the thoughts of another so the person will do or agree to something that the player wants. You can imagine how crazy this can become when all parties involved are playing games.
Persuasive communication has been around since the beginning of time. It was used by Satan in Genesis chapter three to deceive Eve into eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.11 Verse six details how Eve was persuaded by the thought that eating fruit from the forbidden tree was not only good for food, but was pleasant to the eyes, but so were all the other trees according to Genesis chapter two verse nine. The only distinct temptation was the idea that the fruit would make one wise. The irony is that the wisdom was not in eating the fruit, but rather in obeying God’s command to not eat from the tree in the first place.12 Consequently, both Adam and his wife’s eyes were opened to the fact that they were walking around naked, so they made an attempt to cover and hide themselves from the presence of God. God asks Adam, “Have you eaten from the tree I commanded you not to eat?” Adam answered, “The woman gave it to me and I did eat.”
Adam’s answer sparked two funny thoughts in my mind. One thought is that man seems to have blamed the woman for his lack of leadership since the beginning of time. The other is that after Eve was persuaded to eat the
forbidden fruit and gave some to Adam, it seems man has been seeking revenge against the woman ever since! As a man that may be a funny thought, but some women have suffered pain from men for so long that they are laughing only to keep from crying. People who play games are like serpents, especially men who target women they think are gullible or easy to persuade. I do not think the average woman is at all gullible. For the most part, when a woman has feelings and cares for a guy, she wants to trust him. However, her quick trigger to trust is what makes persuasion seem so easy. In my opinion, that is not being gullible, that is just a woman who prematurely thought she could trust a man. This can be avoided with the simple understanding that one can like a person he or she just met today, but trust has to be earned over time. If someone is trying really hard to win your trust, take a step back and ask yourself why. Is there something urgently needed or wanted from you? What is the personal fulfillment objective? Allow yourself enough time to discern why someone is so anxious to gain your trust.
Obviously gaining trust is a very important factor in the persuasive process. People who play relationship games do
not mind putting in a certain amount of persuasive work upfront to get you to slack up on your defenses, because
Dozens of Frequently Asked Questions regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
