Category: Relationships Publisher: Createspace, The Eve Thomas Foundation
ISBN-10: 1482592738
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 304
Copyright: May 17, 2013
ISBN-13: 9781482592733
A collection of fifty true stories from around the world with one common theme domestic violence/abuse. All profit to charities. This book is a valuable tool in raising awareness and money.
The very first book from #OneVoice. A collection of fifty true victims and survivors stories from around the world with one common theme - domestic violence/abuse. Each one written from the heart and unedited so raw and full of the pain and feelings they convey. ALL revenue from the sale of this book will be donated to charities around the world. From emotional abuse to violence, rape and a victim on trial for 1st degree murder this book carries a STRONG WARNING - please purchase but read with caution as the subject matter between these pages is graphic. Find out why some of our survivors feel that Fifty Shades of Grey and its main character, Christian Grey is NOT a romantic love story but a tale of domestic abuse and violence that has destroyed one woman's life that we know of! Can you see the signs but most of all do you recognise the signs that hide within this book? I know I speak on behalf of all #OneVoice victims and survivors when I say that if one person walks away from a violent relationship after reading this book we will all be a happy bunch of survivors and know that we have helped just a little!
#ONEVOICE THE HOME FOR ALL VICTIMS AND SURVIVORS! Now you may be asking what is #OneVoice well, #OneVoice is THE place to come if you want your voice heard. No matter what your pain, no matter what caused it #OneVoice has a place for you and will share your pain whilst helping you on your journey as a survivor. Writing helped me so much and so I wanted to do more, help others and so #OneVoice was created. This is the very first #OneVoice book (there are many more to come,) fifty chapters from around the world, each author a victim/survivor of domestic violence/abuse who wants to share their pains and successes to help not only themselves as they journey on the path of survival but others by raising awareness and much needed money for charity. Each author has nominated a charity of their choice and the TOTAL revenue from the sale of this book will be split equally between them all. Thank you so much for purchasing this book, your money has been well spent and will go towards raising awareness and making some much needed changes to protect both our present and future victims. Domestic violence is a worldwide problem and in the UK two precious lives are lost every week! This needs to stop! The abuse needs to stop! Please help, please lend me your voice, together we can initiate change, together WE CAN DO THIS.! #OneVoice Survivors not victims.
Eve x
Excerpt
MY CHAPTER FROM #ONEVOICE
MY STORY
My name is Heather but I am really known by my pen name, the name that was created in memory of my grandparents, Eve Thomas. I am the author of The Eyes and Choices-The Darker Years, a passionate campaigner, a Tiny Peacefighter and above all else a mum. I was also a victim of domestic violence/abuse for over twenty years; I say was because the title I wear with the most pride is SURVIVOR! For a very long time I didn’t recognise what was happening to me how my life gradually slipped away until I was trapped with no one and nowhere to turn. I no longer recognised the truth, my life a constant web of lets downs and lies.
I lived for the good days, the smiles and laughter but as the years passed by they happened less and less. This is my story, the words not those of an author but a survivor, a mum and so straight from the heart. Forgive me if I ramble but I like the other 49 voices in this book have found my voice, a voice that I dream will be heard around the world.
Now I was a little firework back in the day but slowly my sparkle disappeared as I became a totally different person, my old self lost as gradually I submitted to my abusers demands. The constant verbal put downs were the worst and his words left deep scars that I still fight every single day to overcome. Bruises, cuts and broken bones hurt like hell and there have been many times that I genuinely feared for my life but for me the emotional abuse was the worst and “his” words will haunt me forever no matter how hard I try to fight them.
I use the word fight because I am no longer a victim, I broke free and I’ve worked hard to become the survivor I am today. There is life after domestic violence, THERE IS HOPE. I guess I will always shudder when I hear the word “ugly” and the amount of times I heard “I’m too good for you, bet you thought you’d won the lottery” are countless but I am trying. I spent many years thinking I was never good enough but guess what, I AM GOOD ENOUGH IN FACT I’M AWESOME! I don’t for one minute mean that in a narcissistic way, I have mountains to climb where self confidence is concerned but I am getting there, I am a survivor!
When I look in the mirror now I see a different woman looking back at me, a happier more carefree female who welcomes each day with a smile. I refuse to allow his words to cause me any further pain, HE WILL NOT WIN! HE WILL NOT BREAK ME!
Once, in my past life, I was almost broken. He’d threatened over the years, usually whilst grasping a handful of my hair that he would “Break me.” He almost did. My mind was not my own, I began to doubt my own thoughts and actions and he nearly drove me crazy but I had my saviour, my courageous leading lady and so I poured every feeling and emotion I experienced into her story. I couldn’t reach out, I was petrified and so I secretly buried myself in my writing and from my anguish Amy was born, through her I could unburden my pain and I kind of reached out to her for help. The life I created for her made mine seem like a dream as I poured out my misery with every word I typed; if her world, her life was a disaster then mine seemed normal.
It was through Amy that I found the courage to seek help and so her ending was re-written as I took the journey myself and discovered the cocoon of help that arrived from the moment I walked into the police station.
My abuser tried over the years to stop me from writing but I had a secret, Amy and I was determined he wouldn’t find her, she was special she was going to help me one day to realise my dream to help others and so I made sure I covered my tracks with short stories, many of which he either deleted or burnt and a creative writing course with the Open University but he never found her, never found my secret hiding place where I stowed my memory stick. Writing helped me so much and with this in mind I wanted to reach out to others and offer them the opportunity to share their pain so that they could hopefully progress even further on their journey of being a survivor. Many have told me that as they have typed out their own personal stories it has helped them to heal, all I can say is I’m happy I could share this with you all.
I’ve managed to give fifty survivors, myself included a voice, a voice that will NOT be silenced. Since I became FREE I've begun to find my little firework side once again and I want to realise my dream, a dream to bring people together, a dream to make a difference and hopefully help others so they do not have to suffer.
Whilst conversing with another campaigner my dream suddenly seemed within reach the idea to raise not only much needed awareness to the worldwide problem of domestic violence and all other forms of abuse but also money and so #worldpeaceday was born. WORLDWIDE PEACEFUL MEETING DAY – 21 September 2013 to coincide with International Peace Day. A peaceful day when people unite around the world to make new friends but most of all to raise awareness to the many forms of abuse that are sadly part of our everyday life. As a survivor of domestic violence I want to join my tiny voice to the millions of others out there so we become #onevoice, #onevoice raising awareness to domestic violence, rape, child abuse, human trafficking, the list is endless. Almost every day I see a new story breaking in the media, stories of historical sexual abuse, victims of domestic violence, murder, rape, again the list is endless. One in three women are affected by domestic violence, 2 women die every week, hundreds and thousands of children are living their childhoods surrounded by abuse – WHEN WILL IT STOP? WHEN WILL THE ABUSERS STOP?
Do you know that more women are injured because of domestic violence than cancer?! A shocking but true fact. I strongly feel that education and knowledge are the key. There are some wonderful organisations/charities and people out there, like-minded people who only want to help their sole wish to perhaps feel at peace even if it is only for a short while. My dream is for people to meet in every town in every city in every country of the world and join their voices to raise awareness to all forms of abuse, each one doing their own bit for World Peace Day. This book, just one of my projects is my tiny piece that I give to others to honour this special day.
THIS DREAM CAN BECOME A REALITY. I never thought I would ever be a survivor but here I am, FREE! PLEASE JOIN ME, PLEASE HELP MY DREAM BECOME A REALITY THIS REALLY COULD BE EPIC IF WE ALL #STANDTOGETHER AS #ONEVOICE.
Now back to this wonderful book. I want to thank all of you who submitted your stories for chapters. I’ve shed a lot of tears as I’ve read your words but also smiled when I’ve read your successes and how you have moved on with your lives. You are a brave bunch of people and I want to send a big hug to each and every one of you but most of all a massive THANK YOU. Without you all this book would never have been created, YOU have made this possible; YOU have joined your voice with many others and contributed to World Peace Day.
The history around the creation of this book began yet again on twitter and I am truly amazed at how wonderful you all are. I hope that this collection of stories raises not only awareness but oodles of money for something that is very close to my heart. What began as an angry rant at E L James, the author of the Fifty Shades Of Grey trilogy after she made comments to the media calling survivors and victims of domestic violence “trolls and witches” has now become a vehicle to highlight domestic violence/abuse; a tool that I can only hope puts DV firmly in the spotlight! I sincerely hope that E L James reads this book, maybe then she will be able to see the domestic abuse that is so clearly evident in her books, maybe then she will apologise for her cruel and abusive words.
My personal message to E L James that I originally posted on my website blog to warn Ms James about the publication of this book.
Dear Ms James I mean you no harm by publishing this book and I personally would like to reach out to you and offer the hand of peace.
We are both authors, the conductors of our words and with this in mind I ask you to take ownership of your words, words that have injured millions of women, men and children.
I congratulate you on your success and hope one day we can meet so I may speak with you on a personal level and explain just why your words both offended and hurt me. I hope you will take the time to read this book, a collection of factual stories all with a common theme that I hope you will one day empathise with. I apologise in advance for the lead story and from one woman to another I can only pray, as does the author, that you will see that Fifty Shades Of Grey is abuse not romance and has in fact destroyed this young woman’s life.
Kindest regards
Women throughout the world have taken Christian Grey into their hearts, these women are unable to see the abuse and even though the original mission of this book has changed I still hope that these women see that the character that E L James created is an abuser and that Fifty Shades Of Grey is NOT a love story but a tale of abuse.
The lead story in this book is horrific and I have promised faithfully to protect the author who wishes to remain anonymous. My lips are sealed but I want to reach out to you – you are a very brave woman to come forward and share your story with me, with the world, is something that has required so much courage. I know that you do so wanting to raise awareness that Fifty Shades Of Grey is abuse but your story highlights so much more. I shall say no more………
I shall end my chapter with a little more about myself. You are probably wondering why I stayed for so long in a relationship that clearly wasn’t right, the answer is difficult but I will try to explain a little although I hope you will understand that a lot is very personal to me and there are something’s that I will never speak about.
When I was 21 years old I met my abuser, a charming man who was 6 years older than me. My parents divorced when I was young and so there was just me, my mum and my sister, no brothers to protect me and keep me safe. My grandma had passed away quite suddenly the year before and my Granddad was very ill and slowly dying of a broken heart.
Looking back I honestly think my abuser recognised this, he saw in me a potential victim.
The first time he hit me he begged for forgiveness and even though it went against everything I had been taught I stayed, I don’t know why.......
A few weeks later I took ill in the middle of the night, in agony I was rushed into hospital and straight into theatre. I had a fallopian tube infection and was told I would probably never be able to have children, I was devastated. I remember crying and he held me tight and promised that it didn’t matter, it was better just the two of us anyway.
He picked me up a few days later and took me back to his flat but I was a different person, I felt empty. I cried a lot over the next few weeks and regretted ever saying that I wanted a career not kids, now that choice had been taken away from me and I honestly felt as if I was somehow being punished for my words. I was 21, almost 22 years old and I was in a relationship that I knew wasn’t right but I couldn’t have children, who would want me? He was quick to use it against me, to hurt me and I can still remember how much it hurt when he told me how useless I was, how I couldn’t give him babies.........
I came off the pill, I mean what was the point and I carried on, determined that I wouldn’t let it or him beat me and so I put my head down, went back to work and pretended it had all never happened.
A few months later a letter arrived from the hospital, an appointment to see Dr. Falconer. I remember walking into his office and feeling immediately at ease, he had the biggest smile ever and a carnation in the lapel of his jacket. (I now know that Dr Falconer always wore a fresh carnation every day to work.) He asked me some questions and then I lay down on the bed to be examined. As he prodded and poked my tummy he looked at me funny and pulling at the hem of my top instructed me I could get up.
I was off for a scan and although a little worried I was more concerned with the amount of water they honestly expected me to drink and hold without dashing off to the loo for a pee!
The lady squirted the cold jelly onto my stomach and began to roll the machine over me, I was giggling, it really tickled and as Dr. Falconer walked into the room I tried my best to behave, gosh I was nervous!
NERVOUS! Shit I was pregnant! 12 weeks pregnant! I think within that next ten minutes I felt every single emotion possible and all with a very full bladder!
I don’t remember the journey home, I don’t remember much of the next few months, I was so happy! The physical abuse tailed off whilst I was pregnant but the verbal was still there only now he thought it was hysterical to laugh at me waddling about, he took great delight in telling me just how ugly I looked whilst I was pregnant and how that after I had the baby, if I could even manage that with being such a poison dwarf, (I’m only 4ft 10”) he wouldn’t want to come near me, my body was ruined.
Please, don’t get me wrong he was nice as well, very protective but the abuse was always there in the background. I didn’t care, I was pregnant and although I felt very uncomfortable towards the end I did it, I had my baby.
Sophie was born and from the moment I held her I was in love, she was perfect, gorgeous, she was my baby. I WAS A MUM!
Sophie was such an easy baby and although we had a little scare when she was only a few weeks old she progressed quickly and passed her first hearing test with flying colours. Life continued, the abuse continued and I continued to plod along hoping that one day he would change, one day he would love his family enough to get help.
Sophie was two years old when I found out I was pregnant again! I remember going home after my doctor’s appointment with a beaming smile on my face, he was in the bathroom having a shave and I popped my head around the door, Sophie in my arms.
“Hello daddy, I’m pregnant.” I announced.
His face said it all but the words that followed I will never forget.
“You better be fucking joking, get rid!”
Sadly I lost my baby a few weeks’ later but only months later I was pregnant again! Yes I was pregnant for the 3 time and the hospital said I could probably never have kids! PFT, I had shown them!
Days after finding out I was pregnant my abuser sat on my stomach and punched me in the face, cutting the underneath of my eye. I rang the police but was told to sort my relationship out and I am going to be very honest I was asked what I had done to upset him! I was so upset, I didn’t know how to get angry back then and being genuinely afraid for my safety and the safety of my babies I pleaded with the police man to help me. Reluctantly a statement was taken, he was arrested and we split up. I was distraught! I knew he was wrong, I knew I was a victim but at 17 weeks pregnant I was rushed into hospital after I started bleeding and going into labour and there I stayed until Katie was born by emergency C section at 31 weeks.
I had no one, he drove me away from my family and so the only person who could look after Sophie was him, I’m ashamed to say I took him back and as I am typing this I am crying at the broken woman I was.
I dropped the charges and wrote a letter to the Judge explaining that I was pregnant and ill and wanted to try at my relationship again.....
Katie was almost two weeks old when I held her for the first time; my baby was held by everyone else but me.... When I was in the early stages of pregnancy they found that I had placenta praevia this unfortunately turned into placenta accreta and with the full team of doctors in the operating theatre, various different attempts to save my womb and life not to mention 25 units of blood they performed an emergency hysterectomy. I was 25 years old. I was put on a ventilator whilst my shocked body recovered and when I was re-introduced to the world several days later I was entirely broken.
The first time I visited my daughter in the special care baby unit will be something I will never forget, she was so tiny, her little legs stuck straight up in the air but her eyelashes! Katie had the thickest, blackest, longest eyelashes I had ever seen and a tuft of almost white hair, she was gorgeous!
I was bloody petrified! Feeding her was hard, burping her was traumatic, she was sooooooo tiny. When we brought her home I was scared stiff, I was not only responsible for my little Sophie but also Katie whose needs were massive not to mention the constant demands he put on me. Every three hours the alarm would bleep to let me know it was time for another feed to stop hypothermia setting in, I was exhausted, drained and trying to recover from the hysterectomy and c section so I thanked God that Sophie was such an easy little girl, give her a pan and a spoon and she would spend hours banging, give her a toy mind you and she would spend hours trying to pull it apart to see how it worked. Sophie and her love for screwdrivers, plug sockets and anything that could be taken apart is a whole other story, one that kept me on my toes for her entire childhood!
Katie was 8 weeks old when she turned blue in her pram. I had mentioned the bluish/black tinge around her mouth often to the special care midwives, each one telling me that is was wind and very common in premature babies but this was different, her whole face was literally darkening before my eyes. I rang 999 and resuscitated my baby whilst I waited for the ambulance. Lumbar punctures, blood tests, EEG’s, ECG’s followed and finally Katie was diagnosed with possible Woolfe Parkinson’s White Syndrome, a heart defect. We were sent home with an apnoea monitor and strict instructions and the next few years passed in a whizz of bleeping alarms, very little sleep and many hospital visits.
The abuse continued both physical and emotional and I was always reminded that I was young, ugly with two children and no womb, “who the fuck would want you.” I believed him, I stayed.
As my girls grew the physical stuff became more subtly, the odd dig here, the casual arm around the shoulder, the fingertips that press into your skin just that tad too hard, the tug of your hair as you feel his fingers winding in it behind your back – all little gestures to let me know he was there, listening, watching. I was dead inside.
I tried to be me, I tried to smile and laugh and over the years I became a very good actress learning to adapt to each new situation, never letting anyone close enough to know the real truth. After the hysterectomy I became very poorly, mentally and even when I recovered from this he used it against me telling me that social services would take my girls away from me because I was mental, crazy in the head. And so I stayed and as my girls grew they began to make comments, express their concerns and slowly I realised it wasn’t me, I was a victim and my husband was nothing more than a violent, verbally abusive bully.
I began to write and Amy was born, finally I had someone to talk to, finally I could share my pain. I spent as much time as I could writing, escaping into the world I created and I cannot express how much a fictional character actually helped me, she saved my life!
I made a decision, once Katie was over 16 years of age I could leave because no court, no judge, no social worker would make her have contact with him if she didn’t want to and so I lived my life for the next few years, confiding in Amy, seeking guidance from the courageous woman I had created.
I still can’t really talk about the end that much but the mind games, the lies almost destroyed me, I was a shell. He had help in the end, another woman who also thought it was good fun to have me think I was going insane. Many times he told me, reassured me they were friends whilst she was texting, ringing letting me know how good my husband was in bed!
I didn't care if he had someone else, he was leaving me alone but the cruel mind games, the twisted things they did and said will always stay with me and I will never be able to understand how another woman could treat me that way.
I had many years of hell but 2010 for me was the worse, the man I married, the father of my children used my hysterectomy and subsequent depression to make me think I was ill. I remember getting in my car and driving to my local hospital, I wanted them to admit me, I needed help, my daughters saved me that day but not before I’d flung a pair of scissors across the kitchen that stuck in the fridge, I was desperate, I wanted him to stop, I wanted him to leave, I needed peace.
The last attack was by no means the worst but it was the one that made me act, I’d had enough!
Two weeks earlier I had walked into my local police station and asked for help after contacting Women’s Aid for advice. I was put in touch with the Domestic Violence Unit and from that moment I knew the laws had changed, there was help out there and so when he attacked me I fled straight to the police station.
I want to take this opportunity to thank PC Nathan Spinks who took my statement and ensured I was on the right path when I left the station 3 hours later. I also want to thank GMP Bolton East Division, from the moment I walked into Astley Bridge Police Station I felt protected and cocooned. Laura Downs, my DV officer, a fantastic, young woman who ensured I was strong enough to give evidence. Victim and Witness Support, I really couldn’t have done it without your help.
My abuser was found guilty of battery after I found the strength to give evidence against him. I filed for divorce and on the 25 May 2011 it was final, I WAS FREE although my official freedom/escape date is 01-11-10.
The rest is history except that I did have a problem with him when I released Choices-The Darker Years, I guess he doesn’t like the content, oh well, tough! I immediately informed the police, he was arrested and charged with breaking the restraining order and appeared in court in January of this year.
Unfortunately he was given 60hrs unpaid work for 6 counts of breaking the restraining order which infuriated me so much I began to investigate and subsequently initiated a hopeful change in the laws to protect future victims of domestic violence. I hope you will spend a moment and visit the page dedicated to these changes and if you agree with the petition please sign and feel free to share, the more awareness we can raise the better.
That is my story, okay it’s not it all and I know I have rambled so please forgive me but I feel so liberated, so empowered! I won’t be bullied anymore, it’s my life and I make the choices only now they are better ones.
Sophie, my eldest daughter is beautiful inside and out and lives with her boyfriend of 5 years. As you may know I also campaign for the deaf which is a cause very close to my heart, Sophie is deaf and wears bilateral hearing aids. She is an amazing, strong young woman who has conquered so much and yet always has a smile on her face. She is a lucky young woman who has found a GENTLEman and I wish for her all the happiness in the world.
Katie, my fierce warrior. She had to fight for her life right from the start and this has made her a very passionate person. I hope she uses it wisely.
My girls are my world and now its just us. I surround myself with good people who care about me, love me and want to protect me.
And so I say goodbye to my past. I've worked hard since 2010 to get where I am today and believe me I have battled but from this moment on I truly know I am a survivor! I'm glad I'm a survivor because it's made me much wiser, much more selective about who I trust.
Thank you for reading my story.
Professional Reviews
Amazon
This book is a testament to Eve and everything she has worked for - to give survivors a voice AND to have those voices heard. Inspirational people who have survived and empower other survivors. Buy ten.
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