Kindle Edition
Mark C Sutton Author
Category:
Humor
Publisher: Mark C Sutton
Type: Fiction
Pages: 120
Copyright: sep 19, 2014
Price: $2.49 (eBook)
Crabley-on-Sea is a town under siege... from its own 'killer crinklies'...
'Bingo and Bullets' is the tale of a ruthless criminal empire with a difference; all of its members are elderly women with a taste for foul language, violence, extortion, murder, and, of course, unusual moniker's. Led by the mysterious Edna 'Big Bunn' Borzelliero, and following a Mafiosa-style hierarchy, 'The Borzelliero Bunch' are hell-bent on taking control of the quiet seaside town of Crabley-on-Sea for their own personal gain. 'Bingo and Bullets' chronicles the lives and crimes of the various members of 'The Borzelliero Bunch', such as the quick-tempered capo, 'Li'l Lil' Petrocino, the volatile and untrustworthy psychotic, 'Ulcers' Scarpelli, and the vicious husband-abuser, 'False-Teeth' Felnetti.
Warning: Contains violence and bad language. Not suitable for minors.
Excerpt
Two days later, Norman Parker and his assistant, Tommy Perry, received another unwelcome visit. This time, there were three old women who turned up at the store; Nellie Aucciello, Li’l Lil Petrocino, and a third lady who was very skinny, had a blue-rinsed perm, and was wearing hideous spectacles that made her eyes look huge, bug-like. When the trio first arrived in the shop, there were still a couple of other customers inside; as soon as they saw the three old women, they departed hurriedly, forgetting about what they were going to purchase. Once the shop was empty of customers, Mrs Aucciello, who on this occasion was minus a cigar, kicked the door shut, and turned the sign hung on it to ‘closed’. This immediately outraged Norman, who had been stood behind the counter; he walked from behind it, and over to the three old women. Tommy was cowering down at the end of the aisles, peeking from behind them, watching events unfold with fear in his eyes.
“Just what do you think you’re doing? I’ve told the police all about you, you know!” Shouted Norman.
“Screw the fucking police. Let’s talk cakes, Mister Parker.” Said Nellie ‘Angry Angina’ Aucciello, calmly.
Wh… what? What the hell are you talking about?” Stuttered Norman.
“You heard me the first time. Let’s talk all about lovely cakes.” Repeated Nellie.
“Get out of my shop!” Shouted Norman, who was at the end of his tether.
“Can’t do that, hoss.” Replied Nellie.
“Right, then I’m calling the…”
“The police? They ain’t gonna do anything. They work for us now. We own them.” Nellie informed Norman Parker. “So go ahead, if you wanna phone them… but it won’t do you any good. You’ll just be wasting fifty fucking pence on the price of the call.” Nellie continued. Norman stared at the three women in turn. They looked, for all intents and purposes, like any other old grannies that you’d find out on the street, and yet… there was something off-kilter, cold and… cruel… in all of their eyes.
Nellie Aucciello clicked her fingers, and Li’l Lil Petrocino walked over to a shelf containing bags of crisps. She picked up a bag, ripped it open, and then turned the packet upside down, emptying the contents all over the floor.
“Hey, don’t do that! Tommy has just mopped that…”
“You’re doing a lot of good business here just lately, yeah?” Interrupted Nellie. Norman’s eyes darted between her and Li’l Lil, who was picking up another packet of crisps from off the shelf.
“I… I… yes, I suppose so.” Replied Norman.
“Yeah, we heard that you were. That’s good, ya know, local businesses flourishing, and all that shit… especially with the economic climate being like it is right now. I tell you, Norman, it’s fucking fucked out there… very hard for a working person to even just get by these days.” Smiled Nellie Aucciello, who, not that long ago, had simply been known as Nellie Patterson. “I got a friend… he’s called Terence, works here in Crabley-upon-Sea, over in the financial district… he tells me that things ain’t good… that the government, ya know, they’re just wall-papering over the cracks in the economy… except he don’t call them ‘cracks’, he calls ‘em ‘trenches’…” Advised Nellie.
“What… are you talking about?” Asked Norman. “We haven’t got a financial district in Crabley.” He added, mystified and frightened. Nellie turned to her unnamed friend, the skinny old woman with the blue-rinse.
“What is this guy like, eh, ‘Bed-Sores’?” Nellie Auccielo said to Bed-Sores Gaccini. “He goes around saying that we ain’t got no financial district? Is this guy a dumb-ass or what?” She asked the skinny old lady with the hideously coloured hair and the big bug-eyes that were almost popping out of her spectacles.
“He’s got the dumbest ass that I ever did fucking see, boss.” Replied Bed-Sores Gaccini, laughing. Then the pair of them turned back towards Norman Parker and gave him a long, withering stare.
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