Dear Adoptive Parent, 

I never, ever in a million years would have imagined I'd travel this road. I love orphans; I'm passionate about doing all I can to change the lives of the helpless. So I know . . . I understand how you feel when you've hit the same wall for the thousandth time and you suddenly realize you don't have what it takes. You've been praying for God to give you the strength and believing in faith that it'll all work out . . . but then, you realize it isn't going to. Not only do you not have what it takes to see this through, people are suffering, and are going to suffer more if you don't stop trying and go get help. And yet, who can you turn to? True friends are few when the situation is this disturbing. Just the thought of giving up a child that you’ve adopted causes waves of shame and makes you want to assume a name and sneak around asking for help in a disguise. 

Well, consider me your friend. What you’re about to read is a true story; it's my prayer journal (year one, of two years). I suspect it'll help you, so I'm sharing. Most of it comes from a notebook I kept specifically about our adoption woes with Jasmine, on the advice of many bereaved parents who'd gone before us. I changed names and other identifying information because I really don’t wish to hurt Jasmine, or anyone else, by sharing secrets about them. Mother always said, "If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all." 

But if I remain silent, my experience cannot help you. 

I don’t promise to have the answers you need or want, nor am I sharing my troubles hoping to win you to my side. If you read my journal and think I've done everything wrong, and that I'm completely to blame for the difficulties, that's okay. Perhaps you'll learn from my mistakes. I pray you'll gain insight and direction, regardless. 

Debra