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Starshow Publications
Starshow Publications
Category:
Humor
Publisher: Lulu
ISBN-10: 1304892093
Pages: 101
Copyright: February 6, 2014
ISBN-13: 9781304892096
Price: $4.99 (eBook)
A collection of 52 Humorous stories and 52 One liners, to make you the life of any gathering.
Have you ever needed a funny story to tell at a party or other social gathering? 52 Weeks may be the answer for you. The book is designed in an easy to follow topical index. Be the life of the party for any social event, conferences and gatherings among friends, as you entertain with stories that are connected to your current conversations.
There is a topical story and a one-liner for each week of the year and your guests are sure to admire your ability to put a smile on their faces. When people are asked what's important in their lives, they often mention humor. Couples listing the traits they prize in their spouses usually put “sense of humor” at or near the top.
While there is only speculation about how humor developed in early
humans, we know that by the 6th century BCE, the Greeks had institutionalized it in the ritual known as comedy, and that it was performed with a contrasting dramatic form known as tragedy. One version of comedy is the joke.
Not only does such joking foster rationality and provide pleasure, but it reduces or eliminates the combination of fear and/or anger called “stress,” which is at epidemic levels in the industrialized world.
This book, 52 Weeks of (dirty) Jokes, is an assortment of jokes and quips. The first section of the book deals with stories (52) and satire of the human species. The second section offers a collection of quick one-liners (52) that can be told in a wide variety of environments.
None of these jokes and quips are quite clean; but they’re funny.
Excerpt
(Excerpt from ’52 Weeks of Jokes’ – Charles W. Massie)
25 - A Day at the Club
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk while everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “Oh THANKS! I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?
40 - The Power of the Shrimp
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.
He finished the box and threw it out the window.
Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the train's Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid, worthless, Infidel, Catholic bitch."
She laughed and said, "When I cry rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel-headed camel-fucker!
52 - I heard it on the radio
Little Johnny got a new bike for his birthday and he was out riding it in the neighborhood. All of a sudden, he sees police surrounding a bank in the downtown square.
He asked a cop what was going on and the cop told him that they were arresting a group of bank robbers. He quickly hopped on his bike and rode home to tell his mom.
“Mommy, Mommy,” he said, “I was riding my new bike downtown today and the police surrounded the bank.”
“Yea, Yea,” Mom said, “I heard it on the radio.”
Johnny was a bit confused because it had just happened but he just let it slide. The next day, Johnny was riding his bike on the other side of town.
All of a sudden, he was passed by a fire truck, screaming its way to a house fire the next block over. He turned his bike around and raced back home, running in the house and shouting,
“Mommy, Mommy,” he said, “I was out riding my new bike on the other side of town and there was a house on fire. The fire trucks came and everybody was running around.”
“Yea, Yea,” Mom said, “I heard it on the radio.”
Now Johnny is really confused. How could she have heard it on the radio when it just happened?
The next day, Johnny was riding his new bike out in the country. He came upon a field of pigs and the farmer had mounted himself on one of them.
This looked like fun, so Johnny dropped his trousers and mounted one of the other pigs. When he was done, he got back on his new bike and rode home. His mom was in the kitchen.
“Mommy, Mommy,” he said, “I was out riding my new bike in the countryside and I had my first sexual experience.”
“Oh,” Mom said, “In a pigs ass you did.”
“God Damned that radio”.
- SECTION TWO – ONE LINERS -
The next section of this book is dedicated to the quick one-liner. Short little jokes that come in handy when you don’t have time to tell a long story. These work especially well for ‘Breaking the Ice’.
53 - What do you call a Hooker with a runny nose?
FULL
60 - What does a woman’s asshole do when she’s having sex?
HE’S USUALLY HOME WATCHING THE KIDS.
85 - Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
BECAUSE THEY TASTE FUNNY.
THE FULL VERSION OF ’52 WEEKS OF JOKES’ IS AVAILABLE AT WWW.STARSHOWPUBLICATIONS.COM
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