Kindle Edition
Amazon
Amazon
Category:
Relationships
Publisher: Self-Published
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 242
Copyright: Feb 10, 2016
Price: $0.99 (eBook)
Communication in relationships is hard but does not need to be. Understand the dictionary your loved ones use and get a sneak peak into how their mind works, discover their psychological bias and unlock the potential of your relationships!
Have You …
- Felt frustrated because your parents or children did not understand what you are saying?
- Felt alone because you were not being heard?
- Been accused of not listening when you were but the message was still not coming across resulting in bigger divide?
- Ever noticed how your parents have difficulty understanding their parents?\
Because My Mother Did it! is the result of my effort to answer these questions. My journey began when I wanted to know why there was a generational disconnect between parents and children and how to fix it. How questions have answers. I needed the answer to my family’s nightly communication debacle. Every night we would sit around the dinner table and discuss the issues of the day like getting chores done on time, why being respectful to your siblings was expected or how step parents are authority figures due respect too. In the process, a pattern emerged that reveals deep insights into inter-generational relationships of any era, offering answers to timeless questions on both sides of the equation. I began this journey to get closer to my children. It worked! I saw immediate results. You can too! Now let me share what I found and how it can help your family!
Excerpt
I want to make you laugh, cry, cringe and most of all change your perspective. I don’t want you to feel alone or misunderstood anymore. Please keep an open mind and if something in this helps you—if only one person—I have been successful. The inspiration for this book came about while I watched my husband attempt to communicate with his sons. We had a most difficult time talking as a family. I would sit at the kitchen table and watch all of the individuals whom I so dearly love say the same things in different words but still not understand each other. I had to translate a lot. Still, my translations were not as specific as any of them wanted. So I went searching for the answer. In my search to help my family effectively talk with one another and in an attempt to understand the older boys, my husband and I discovered many truths. This book is a result of that search.
To this end, this book is a series of love letters to the generations—yes there are technical parts in it, without them I would be lying to you. In each generation there are experiences every person can relate to and understand. I am not the end all be all of experiences but where I have not experienced them, I know people who have. They gave me permission to use their pain and recovery to help you. I, of course, changed their names or wrote it down as my own to protect them.
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Communication is said to be the answer to loneliness, depression and even the path to self-awareness. However, communication is more than just talking, it is also listening. How can you truly listen when you do not understand where the person you are talking to is coming from? This problem is particularly evident in inter-generational conversation. Ever have difficulty discussing your social pet peeve with your parents because they seem to be stuck on a pet peeve that has already been answered (at least in your mind)? Ever notice how your parents have difficulty understanding their parents? Ever notice how your grandparents use a certain set of words that you are unable to connect with and yet they think contains the answers to a mystery only known to their generation? It is not a mystery. Every generation has its own voice or generational bias, its own chief complaint and own set of challenges that can lead to spiritual healing and actualization. Understanding this bias or voice of each generation can free you from misunderstandings, enable you to understand each generation’s unique “dictionary”, and be able to communicate with people of other generations in their terms.
This inspiration came from watching my late husband make the daily effort to communicate with our children. Every night we would sit around the dinner table and discuss the issues of the day. Sometimes the issues were getting chores done on time, why being respectful to your siblings was expected, or how step parents are authority figures due respect as well. I often felt compelled to jump in and attempt to mediate or translate. However good my intentions were, both my husband and the kids would become irritated with me. I made the effort with honest sincerity but often failed. This continual blockage really upset my family. Not being the type to give up, my late husband and I began to research. I used my history degree and Thomas used his degree in Jungian psychology. What we discovered was so simple and overlooked, we had to write it down.
Here is an example of how understanding generational bias helped to heal our family. My older step sons are a part of the generation I call the Troglodytes. Troglodytes are creatures whose exposure to light is so limited that their eyes are over enlarged to compensate for the lack of light. This has a benefit and a danger. Here the secret lies in that the Troglodyte generation can see in the dark and can see the dark, but the question is: will the dark poison them or will they mine the dark for the treasures within? Will they become miners of the mind and look through the muck and mire of life to show others that the dark can be defeated by being seen and incorporated into consciousness? To this end, this generation has dealt with more issues of rape, molestation, sex, exploitation and harsh social backlash than ever seen in this generational cycle. Why? It is their jobs to show the world the ugliness, the unintended consequences and the paths to authenticity that exist within the human mind. They hold society accountable and demand authenticity in a fake world. No one likes to be held accountable but in every cycle it must be done in order to grow.
Once we understood their fascination with the hidden and taboo, we were able to assist with their journey to authenticity. By accepting this as their underlying and often unspeakable bias, we were able to understand their fascination with pushing authority and their often harsh criticism of the system. This was simply half the battle. We had accepted them. The result was that they began to open up to us. They felt more comfortable discussing the issues that seemed to dominate their minds. They began to understand that we were not ogres ready to devour them for not making their beds. Rather, it taught a truth. By creating a morning ritual, like making your bed, you give yourself the peace of mind knowing that you accomplished something today. As a result, we became closer to our children. Closeness is probably the biggest thing we discovered, not what closeness was, but rather how to experience it personally, daily and with purpose.
The purposeful ability to utilize generational bias is not limited to just family. It can be used in business and with strangers. Imagine being able to converse with an older client in their terms—connecting with them in a way that only one of their generation can. What would that do for your business? How would your customer service ratings be affected if this knowledge was incorporated into your business culture? This knowledge can be used to connect to clients, patients, students, mentors, donors, superiors and anyone else you come into contact with. Growth in terms of your business’ bottom line, the quality of your business’ culture and enhanced business reputation are all positive attributes from the conscious development of this skill. Where can this understanding take you? You are only limited by your imagination.
Now when I speak with someone, I can guess their generation by listening for their bias. Once I catch on to the bias, I know how to communicate with them in their own terms. In doing so, I create connections with people. Those connections continually remind me that I am not alone, that I am cherished and that I am effective. Who doesn’t want that? Find your own generational voice and those of your loved ones. Free yourself from the bounds of misunderstanding. All you have to do is keep reading.
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To this end, this generation’s skill set is formidable. They have a strong will, are very stubborn, and tend to see a systemic view of problems. Divine Regents are also charming, willful, charismatic, dramatic, confident, able to delegate authority well, verbose, intelligent, emotional, romantic and compassionate. These wonderful beings will work their back ends off in secret and only show the results once the project is complete. The point of this modus operandi is to WOW the crowd with the end results and pass all of the work off as if it was easy. Divine Regents do not want the awes and accolades to be taken from the end result. That would ruin the presentation!
For example, presented here are stories of pain and healing to inspire and help you. I have worked my back end off on this book and I refuse to let anyone see it before I am done. I want this to be a true love letter from me to you! I don’t want anyone else’s input on how I share these parts of myself with you! It is personal. It is private! Until I have completed the book to my satisfaction and have completely terrorized any book editor who thinks they know more about this than I do, will I allow anyone to see any part of this manuscript. A great work shown in pieces only worked for Charles Dickens! Besides, do you really want to see a work in progress or would you more enjoy the end results with all of the rough edges smoothed out? The majority of you only want to see the finished project so you can enjoy the wow factor. It is the wow factor that Divine Regents and I want to give you. Since you are worth only the best, you will have to wait for a Divine Regent or myself to finish a project in seclusion so you have the best of what we can deliver—all in a big box with a pretty bow—so we can hear you say, “Wow!”
I used to drive Thomas crazy with this habit. He was a Divine Regent that took his management responsibilities very seriously. He always wanted updates when he wanted them and not when I was ready to give them. He was like the head chef who wanted to know if the carrots were cut, the meat was braised properly and the salad was crisp—all before I could plate it! Finally, I had had enough. I sat him down and explained my frustration. When I had finished explaining my creative process, he sat there and smiled! He said, “Well, it is nice to see that you understand me after all.” I wanted to shake him. Just as I managed to not move my hands to place them around his neck, Thomas continued, “Well, just show me the results then.” I immediately threw a paperclip chain at him and left the room as he laughed from the gut. His face beamed with approval and loved seeing my reaction.
Thomas also stopped managing my projects after that—even when I would want his input he would tell me, “Just let me see the results”. By standing up and stating my case, I earned his respect and showed gratitude for his mentorship. What I had done was to free him up from having to manage my every move and allowed him more time focus on the larger picture. Anyone who did not stand up to him with logic, he had to manage closely to get any results at all. As a result, I was also the only one who could kick him out the office and later when we became romantically involved tell him to get out of the house and spend time doing whatever he wanted. I could not clean the house with him there because cleaning would take away from the little time we did have together. We knew we would only be together for a short time due to the age difference. (This is one of the trade-offs of marrying an older man but it is a trade off I would do again in a heartbeat if it meant Thomas was that man!)
Part of seeing the big picture is the responsibility to find solutions that fit both the problem and the direction things need to head in. Like the eagle has a larger vantage point, the Regent has to see the complex issues and find new innovative solutions that work. Regents envision, create and set forth programs in an effort to correct and manage the daily affairs of the realm. Regents show off the creations of the Divine and inwardly acknowledge that this is the source of properly used drama. This is subconscious and if a Regent is observed closely, it is obvious.
The Divine Regent motto is “I’ll be true as long as you will and NOT one second longer!” Loyalty is crucial to their effectiveness. How can a Regent rule if no one is loyal to the vision being presented? Regents do not lose sight of this reason for being. As a result, these individuals will only bow down and surrender willingly to one person—the true ruler. Everyone else can kiss his or her ring finger! This is perfectly logical. A Divine Regent is directly responsible to the Divine Ruler for everything that happens and does not happen on the Regent’s watch. This does not mean that Regents are not loyal to their mates, families, countries or causes. In fact it is because of their devotion to the higher vision that Regents are loyal to their mates, families, countries and causes. Loyalty is also a dual edged sword that is often used against them. In order to cut their losses and maintain clear sight of the vision, a Divine Regent must set clear standards in order to not be used and have to report this weakness to their boss—the true ruler. The standard is “if a person is disloyal once, the game is over. There is nothing more to talk about. It is one and done! No exceptions!”
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