Kindle Edition
Amazon
Category:
Relationships
Publisher: Self
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 210
Copyright: April 28, 2017
Price: $2.99 (eBook)
A book that helps those in second marriages heal from the past and embrace their future.
Every year, thousands of couples enter into second marriages. Unfortunately, many don't make it.
Sharilee Swaity, founder of the blog, Second Chance Love, understands from personal experience how hard second marriage can be.
Seven years ago, her second marriage stood on the edge of divorce but through prayer, counseling and hard work, she and her husband found their way to "happily married."
She wants to share the lessons they learned along the way. Using a engaging combination of relevant examples, personal experience and up-to-date research, this book will help you heal from issues of the past and see a vision for renewed hope for the future. The book will help you heal with difficult emotions, bond as a stepfamily and much more.
With reflection questions and exercises with every chapter, you can start putting the materials to use immediately. Included in the purchase is a bonus 64-page interactive workbook.
Don't delay! Pick up a copy of "Second Marriage: An Insider's Guide to Hope, Healing & Love" and begin the journey to transforming your relationship today.
Excerpt
Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
--Matthew 6:12
The third step required for healing from our past is forgiveness. For many years, I struggled with forgiveness because I thought it meant letting people off the hook. When I began to realize that forgiveness did not mean I was justifying what they had done, it became easier.
Forgiveness means that we are no longer responsible for judging or punishing someone else for what they have done wrong against us. It means letting go and letting God deal with their consequences.
Why Forgiveness is so Difficult
It is not always an easy thing to do, however. In fact, forgiveness can feel like it’s ripping our soul apart. It is hard to let it go because
it seems so unfair. It is unfair that we were blindsided by a divorce. Unfair that we were betrayed or abused or neglected.
We want to hold on to it, in order to protect ourselves and the part of us that knows how wrong it was. We fear that if we forgive, we may be saying that the hurt parts of ourselves didn’t really matter. It can actually feel like we are abandoning ourselves.
They Know Not What They Do
One of the most famous quotes about forgiveness comes from the story of Jesus on the cross. While he was hanging, bleeding and broken, he cried out these puzzling words. "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He asked his Father to forgive the men who plotted his death.
The Scriptures say that men in positions of power plotted and schemed to have Jesus crucified by the Roman governor. I have sometimes wondered about these words, "they know not what they do."
Although these men seemed to know exactly what they were doing, they were likely not aware of the long-term consequences of what was happening. They could only see their own petty power struggles and their own desires. They were blind to the pain of anyone else.
What if we could adopt these same words for ourselves? “Forgive our ex, because they did not know what they were doing.” And let’s face it: they probably didn’t know what they were doing – not fully.
In some cases, it may have been pure weakness on their part.
In other scenarios, perhaps the person did not have the emotional capacity to understand anyone’s feelings but their own. For others, they were caught in a passion or habit that would destroy many a life, including theirs.
When we forgive them, we are not saying that what they did was okay but we are saying that they really did not understand the extent of the consequences.
The ones that wronged us had a blind spot in them that blocked them from seeing how much hurt they really caused. Whether it was mental illness, a bad childhood, simple selfishness or even psychopathy, their eyes were blinded to the consequences of what they were doing. They really did not know what they did, often until it was too late.
Bitterness is a Poison
When we got married, my husband and I both had bitterness against people in our past and the result on our marriage was devastating. Unforgiveness made us closed to love and quick to judge. Our new marriage was being poisoned by the actions done against us in the past.
Our bitterness was understandable. We both felt wronged. We had both tried to be good partners but had been rejected. The truth is, though, no matter how justified the bitterness, it is still a poison that will destroy an individual and a marriage.
Forgiveness Sets You Free
Forgiveness was not an easy path for us. It was not automatic but when we were able to forgive, it was like our very souls had been set free. When bitterness no longer gripped us with its heavy talons, we were free to trust the other person and to see them as they really were. We stopped seeing each other through the filter of the past and saw the loving person in front of us.
When you can’t forgive, it turns into bitterness and hurts you more than it hurts anyone else. Forgiveness frees you to begin each day afresh. Forgiveness is not always a quick and automatic process. We may believe that we have forgiven someone but then a trigger happens, and we realize that we are still carrying around resentment. That is okay -- like an onion, the process happens in layers.
It is also important to note that forgiveness does not mean that you have to let the person who hurt you back into your close personal circle. We can forgive someone but we can keep up our boundaries toward them.
Who Do You Need to Forgive?
First, you need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in your first marriage and in any other relationships you were in. Maybe you see how you could have done things differently and kept your marriage together. Perhaps you feel you should not have even married in the first place. Whatever it is that you are blaming yourself for, forgive yourself first.
Next, forgive the people in your past relationships. This includes your ex-wife or husband if you were the one that was married before. It also includes past girlfriends, boyfriends, or even people that you may have had a brief encounter with, that didn’t work out. You may also discover that you need to forgive a parent or someone else from your childhood.
The last one sounds a bit strange but bear with me. If your souse was married before, forgive your partner’s ex-spouse. When you get married, you learn a lot about your spouse’s ex and see how your husband or wife was affected by their actions. It is easy to start to develop feelings of hate or anger towards this person who may have caused your partner pain, especially if he is still taking it out on you.
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