Deciding to walk away from God did not come easily or quickly. Nor did the decision to return. These kinds of tumultuous events feel as if they happen impulsively, spontaneously. But, if we take the time to look back at patterns, we find the seeds of the decision sown years before the actual action. This was not a book medical fiction writer Lin Wilder planned to write. Ever.
Deciding to walk away from God did not come easily or quickly. Nor did the decision to return. These kinds of tumultuous events feel as if they happen impulsively, spontaneously.
But, if we take the time to look back at patterns, we find the seeds of the decision sown years before the actual action. This was not a book medical fiction writer Lin Wilder planned to write. Ever.
Until she remembered a promise made to a friend years before. Author Wilder explains: Exactly how much of my personal life should be included in this book has been a tough decision to make. This is, after all, the story of conversion, not an autobiography. Many of my choices, judgments, and their consequences remain painful, even humiliating to revisit, writing them down, even more so.
Initially, I questioned the relevance of describing elements of my career, education, and relationships with men- in short, my pre-Catholic world in detail. Since I did not convert until midlife, there are a lot of territories to cover. But I realize that my use of the term 'lost years' makes no sense unless I place them squarely in the context of the person I was then.
Without the details of my early life, unpleasant as they are to recall, much less write, this sense of drifting and of aimlessness are merely words which lack substance. They are unidimensional. In talks to church groups about life with and without my faith, I frequently used 'ground' while I stomped the floor I stood on, forcefully, as I worked to convey what is gained and lost with and without faith.
Faith and all which accompanies religion like regular church attendance and a belief that there is something greater here, someone present, inform our decisions and choices, even our goals. Just so, its absence widens all boundaries. More and more is acceptable.
This, at times, brutally honest story of the reasons for Wilder's walk away from God, then years later, return, cannot fail to provoke and challenge.
Excerpt
Introduction
WRITING THIS ACCOUNT OF my return to faith and conversion to the Catholic Church was not my idea. A non-fiction writer for many years, to my great surprise, I fell in love with writing fiction. The creative freedom within fiction and the constant challenges imposed by both old and new characters in my novels had long ago captured my heart and mind. My plan was to revise the manuscript for my third novel, The Price For Genius to ready the book for a spring 2016 release and then move on to the fourth book in this series of books featuring characters whom I have grown to love. The overall plot for the new book excited me, and I was eager to begin. Until I remembered a promise made several years ago.
“Lin, there is no way I can understand how you feel about your faith, your relationship with Christ and the Catholic Church. These are things I have had all my life. I have never known a life without them. In a sense, I take them very much for granted. But when I listen to you talk about your faith, it’s as if I am listening to a love story... You fell in love, didn’t you?”
Indeed.
Acknowledging my silent agreement with her statement, my dear friend Almita Bey-Carrion continued. “I know you are loving writing these novels, I get the joy this work brings you but I want you to make me a promise.” Her dark brown eyes were intense, the expression on her face suddenly serious.
Concerned and unsuspecting, I put down the forkful of spinach salad down and stared at my friend. We had met for lunch at a small restaurant and Almita’s sudden gravity was out of character, I was afraid something was wrong with her or with a member of her family. “Of course, I’ll promise you anything… if it’s something I can do.”
“I want you to promise me that you’ll write your story. Write a book about your journey back to God. How can I or anyone else understand this love you have been given unless you talk about it, write about it so that others can see what you see?”
I was taken aback by her request. In fact, I was trying to figure out a way to say “No, I and I was eager to begin. Until I remembered a promise made several years ago.
“Lin, there is no way I can understand how you feel about your faith, your relationship with Christ and the Catholic Church. These are things I have had all my life. I have never known a life without them. In a sense, I take them very much for granted. But when I listen to you talk about your faith, it’s as if I am listening to a love story... You fell in love, didn’t you?”
Indeed.
Acknowledging my silent agreement with her statement, my dear friend Almita Bey-Carrion continued. “I know you are loving writing these novels, I get the joy this work brings you but I want you to make me a promise.” Her dark brown eyes were intense, the expression on her face suddenly serious.
Concerned and unsuspecting, I put down the forkful of spinach salad down and stared at my friend. We had met for lunch at a small restaurant and Almita’s sudden gravity was out of character, I was afraid something was wrong with her or with a member of her fam ily. “Of course, I’ll promise you anything… if it’s something I can do.”
“I want you to promise me that you’ll write your story. Write a book about your journey back to God. How can I or anyone else understand this love you have been given unless you talk about it, write about it so that others can see what you see?”
I was taken aback by her request. In fact, I was trying to figure out a way to say “No, I cannot do this, even for you.” Talking to a good friend about hugely private matters was one thing. But putting this at times most unpleasant and disturbing story into a book for strangers to read was something else again. I did not like the thought, not at all. Antsy and uncomfortable, I waffled several times in attempts to evade making a commitment. So I danced around the answer she wanted using phrases like, ‘let me think about it’, ‘not sure this is a place I want to go’ and hoped she’d let it drop.
Characteristically undeterred, my friend insisted. “Yours is a story which must be told.” The intensity of her gaze undimmed, Almita said, “Lin, I believe God is using me to con vince you to get your story out there. Others need to read what happened and how this happened. I know that many will be touched, inspired by your journey.” Her dark brown eyes were huge, the intensity in them seemed to spark. “I don’t care when you do it. I understand you are excited about this next book you’re finishing now. I get that. But please, promise that you will write this story of yours, Lin.”
Grudgingly, I agreed. And promptly forgot the promise.
Until the beginning of this past Lent in 2016. For the entire first week, I could write nothing. Despite the fact that I had a self-imposed deadline, I could not force myself to work on the novel scheduled for a spring release. And I had tons of work to do to get the book in shape following the first read from my editor. But I could not write a word, or even think about it.
I know writers who work according to strict schedules like a regular work day from nine in the morning ending at five. They work solely in an office primarily designed for their writing and treat their writing as work days. This does not work for me. I can write only when I know the words are there, waiting to be released.
Over many decades of writing, including failed attempts to meet critical deadlines, I have learned that I cannot force it. When the impetus, flow, and or inspiration are absent, extorting words from an empty well will produce only drivel. At these times, the only solution is the obvious one. Don’t write. Wait.
Finally, ten or so days into the forty days of Lent, I remembered the promise made to Almita several years ago. And I knew suddenly that this book needed to be written before I could return to my novels, recognizing the source of my ‘block’ finally.
Professional Reviews
When The Holy Spirit Came, She Didn't Know What It Was...
A bit of serendipity occurred when, upon receiving two requests for reviews, I said yes, without really realizing that both were from just one author. When they were received, I automatically add on my TBR stack, so that, as I read, the first selection was the fiction book. That review will come next. Once I realized that the next book was nonfiction, I approached it differently and checled out the credentials on the back, where I realized that this book was from the same author. I decided I wanted to share this review first.
Finding the Narrow Path is a partial memoir and as I read her book, I remembered back to a discussion with a Visiting Professor in Physics with whom I got into a discussion about faith. He proceeded to very competently express his intellectual reasons for being an atheist and I would return with a faith-based response. It was so frustrating to him for it was quite clear that he could not win with his presented argument... I was curious to see what this intellectual scientist would be sharing...
Lin had walked away from religion and had worked hard to move ahead in her professional career and then on into marriage at one point... She broke glass ceilings and successfully received the accolades of others. I'm not going to go into much of that time. Instead, I will comment that this book is an excellent story for those who have worked in academe and/or medical fields where the moves upward and onward are not an easy task--it requires dedication, studying and research to maintain the latest knowledge available. Often that profession becomes the primary thing in your life... If you have been in that situation, even if it was not your choice, as happened to me, and know that something is wrong when the job is what consumes your life, I urge you to read this book.
Yet it was because of her intellectual drive, her love of her professional goals that, I believe, carried into her personal search for something more. She studied and read much about different religions, different options such as meditation, or traveling to Greece to absorb the atmosphere of ancient gods such as Zeus, whose stories still remain with us. It seemed to me that her final choices were based upon her personal life processes, she applied the same drive into finding her place. It happened to be the Catholic Church, but I thought it important to mention that she in no way limits what is possible for you, each and every reader...she simply says this is what happened to me...
A particularly poignant scene was when her mother was dying... She realized that she should have stayed with her at that time, but...she didn't know how to pray... Like Lin did with her professional career, she moved rapidly in her search for faith. And I must tell you of my own God Incident with the book... In the middle of the night after I had finished the book, I woke up and "The lights" came into my mind... I knew immediately that I was to emphasize that the light came three times to Lin but with no understanding experience, it took her three times to realize exactly what was happening. Immediately an old song came to my mind! She had found the light... I had been thinking about how to approach the book and simply was told... How many others might be approached by God in some way, and not realize that He is there, ready to enter your life. How cool! God took Lin exactly where she was in her life and reached out to her in her search...
It is only through reading her entire story will you see the long time period it took for Lin Wilder Finding the Narrow Path. One of her early reviewers questioned the book cover, indicated it was "too preachy." I laughed after I finished the book, because I have never read a less preachy story yet the cover worked perfectly for me. It is open, factual, and, yes, presented as a true intellectual would. She shares her readings, her research, her trips made in her search. But it has been done in what I considered an unemotional manner similar to, I am sure, her other professional writings. Still, she includes her poetic emotional responses so that we see how "the light" touched her...And ends the story telling about how much she has come to love the Psalms and Gospel passages of the Bible.
I think that I must add a note about her fiction. Watch for my review. of the second edition of The Fragrance Shed by a Violet. You will experience the results of Lin Wilder's search in her stories... Highly recommended for both those searching as well as those who have found the light, but seek refreshment...
GABixlerReviews
Paperback provided for Review
4 Stars
This is the third of Lin Wilder’s books I’ve read, and the only non-fiction title, the first two being instalments 1 and 2 of her Lindsey McCall series. It is the memoir of Lin’s own life and her diversion from, then return to religion. Ironically, and somewhat surprisingly for me, it is the best I’ve read from her, without a shadow of doubt. I may not be a believer to any degree, yet Lin’s biography had me spellbound, and I simply couldn’t put it down until midway (and even then only because my tablet’s battery died).
I was a tad skeptical before reading “Finding the Narrow Path…”, having advised Lin that faith was as alien to me as any subject could be, and, if I’m totally honest, a little wary of being subjected to pages and pages of scripture interpretation. But, this couldn’t have been further from the truth: this is not a book about religion, but about Lin’s life, about which religion emerges later as a prominent ingredient; she does not impose her belief, but simply acknowledges its notable role in her life in a matter-of-fact manner.
This writing style is prevalent through the whole book, and it would be obtuse of the reader not to understand why: her writing style has given her the discipline to be incredibly candid and honest, and, perhaps more notably, immensely courageous, opening up about episodes in her life which must have been pure agony to live through, let alone relive and put on display; I believe there is little, if anything, she has held back. She makes no excuses for her behaviour – the guilt and shame Lin clearly feels at some of the decisions she has made in life are gifted to the reader by her. I’m in no doubt this is entirely intentional: her biography is not an exercise in narcissism or vanity, I think it is more therapeutic than that: like her decision to join the Catholic church, it is her absolution.
Lin’s story, while not particularly uncommon, is heartbreaking at times and inspirational at others, and I have a much greater affection for the author now I have read it. I respect Lin hugely, having read her tale, both for her humanity and her author credentials. I also realize just how much of herself she puts into her fiction books; I have commented in previous reviews of her work how impressive her professional credentials might be – having read her life story, I am now in no doubt; Lin’s medical career is an outstanding one, and there are a great number of similarities between Lin and her recurring heroine Lindsey McCall, both in terms of their professional experiences and personal traumas; I will, in future, view Ms. McCall’s adventures in an entirely new light. I also have confirmed now that Lin‘s vast pool of knowledge and experience to draw from is genuine, and most of it her own.
This is an extremely well written book, completely different in pace to Lin’s novels. It is almost as if the fiction is Lin’s “work” voice, and this is her “true” voice – a very pleasant and endearing one at that; I loved reading it. Lin is an extremely talented wordsmith, an attribute more apparent in this book of genuine love, perhaps, than her fiction. I know she will hate me for saying this, and perhaps I am nit-picking, but I feel the punctuation could do with a little polish, otherwise, the prose of this book is perfect. It is not until the two-thirds point that the language of religion begins proper, but it is not rhetoric – Lin does not preach, but simply narrates her own studies of faith and theology in depth (being Lin, of course, she researched her decision to join the Catholic church thoroughly). Still, I have to confess that it was around this point that the book became nonsensical to me; this is not down to Lin’s pen – indeed, at these points she is ever more eloquent – but, instead, because of my own inability to comprehend faith; absolution seems to me the main reason people return to faith in middle age, but, as somebody free of guilt in life, the whole concept of it, to me, seems absurd. Unfortunately (and unfairly, I confess) were I more open to religion, and felt more affiliated to her in this respect, I believe I would have scored Lin the full five stars for her truly excellent writing.
One thing us writers can relate to is Lin’s perhaps fundamental underlying issue: that of an arrogant child not just resolving, but expecting, to achieve, until one day, in mid-life, we realize the path our life has taken has left a very large hole; Lin appears to have been fortunate enough to realize hers could be filled with faith, and though I don’t relate to that, I can certainly understand it.
A Love Story of Faith
Lin Wilder grew up in a family where mother and children went to church on Sundays, and all the standards of morality were practiced. So when she suddenly realizes she doesn’t believe anything she’s ever learned and rejects the Bible as a myth, she feels lost and bereft. Throwing herself into her work, with ever increasing responsibilities, she determines to make a good life for herself.
Adrift without a strong moral compass, Wilder attempts to navigate through several troubled relationships, hoping to find happiness with a man. At a crucial turning point in her life, she receives good advice to clarify her intentions about what she’s really searching for. This finally opens the door for Wilder to discover the Catholic Church – to finally come home.
Finding the Narrow Path is a love story, but not in the traditional sense. Jesus Christ allows Wilder to drift along aimlessly, never staying far from her, finally inviting her back to Him and into his Church. And when she does return, she finds a love she couldn’t imagine existed, that thrills her more than anything she has ever experienced.
As a Catholic convert myself, I had to smile as I read of Wilder’s overflowing joy at becoming Catholic. Those who have converted and those who are maybe only thinking about converting will really enjoy this book. I highly recommend it.
If you long to discover your spiritual gifts, understand your calling, and become more effective in God's Kingdom, this book will provide a solid biblical foundation for your journey.
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