More short humor essays from the award-winning Canadian humorist Gordon Kirkland
Gordon Kirkland is recognized as one of North America's premier humor writers, having won Canada's Stephen Leacock Award of Merit For Humour for each of his three previous books Justice Is Blind - And Her Dog Just Peed In My Cornflakes, Never Stand Behind A Loaded Horse and When My Mind Wanders It Brings Back Souvenirs .
I Think I'm Having One Of Those Decades is another romp through the humor Kirkland finds in daily life. As he says, his writing makes wives feel better about their husbands because they aren't like him, and husbands feel better about themselves because they are pretty sure they aren't like him. Lynn Johnston, the creator of the comic strip For Better Or For Worse notes that she loves to read Kirkland 's stuff, she just wouldn't want to be married to him.
Kirkland entertains audiences in live appearances and on radio and television throughout North America . He is proud to be the first Canadian writer chosen for the faculty of the prestigious Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop at the University of Dayton in Ohio .
" Canada has given the United States many wonderful gifts: Beer. Hockey. That famous entertainer, whatshisname. Beer. The list goes on and on. And to this list we must add the name of Gordon Kirkland , a very funny writer who is able to find humor in just about anything, because the only alternative would be for him to get a real job. As a fellow class clown suffering from maturity impairment, I salute him."
Dave Barry
Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist and Author
"Not only is Gordon accomplished in his field, but he is funny! I don't know if you have ever tried being funny on paper, but it is one of life's miracles. Gordon should probably be sainted. But don't take my word for it; just read him."
Ridley Pearson
Author of 23 bestselling novels,
TV films and children's books
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Excerpt
’ve been married for over thirty-two years, which truly amazes most of our friends, family, and anyone who has ever read anything I’ve written. Diane is often questioned about how she has managed to put up with me for so long.
A while back, the alumni of the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop decided to create the Diane Kirkland Award, to be presented annually to the spouse of a humor writer who has had to put up with the most grief over the years. Diane was the first recipient.
When my friend Lynn Johnston, the creator of the For Better Or For Worse comic strip, wrote the cover comments for my second book, she said, “Nothing is safe from his crack-the-wit columns, which is why I love to read his stuff . . . I just wouldn't want to be married to him!”
Somehow - and I can’t imagine where it comes from - people have gotten the idea that it would be difficult to put up with someone like me for three decades and change.
I’d like to set the record straight. In fact, ladies and gentlemen, I’m an absolute freaking saint. As a result of my pure, unadulterated saintliness, Diane and I share an abiding love that has sustained us through the years.
They say that opposites attract, and I will admit that in many ways Diane and I are opposites. One only needs to look at the two of us to see a myriad of differences.
I’m six-foot-four and Diane is nearly a foot shorter. To make her feel better about her vertical deficiencies, I’ve always tried to keep the difference somewhat muted by saying that I too am five-foot-something. OK, so it’s five-foot-sixteen, but at least I’m trying to stay within the same range.
If anything, our height difference has always worked to Diane’s advantage. If she didn’t have me around she would have to use an extension ladder to get anything from the top shelves in the kitchen cupboards.
Another difference is apparent because I’ve lost a great deal of the pigmentation in my hair. It seems to have accelerated considerably over the last few years. Diane is often quick to point out that she still has the same hair color she had when we were married, without the need to use artificial coloring. I’m happy to let her have that more youthful image and will regularly point it out, as well.
“Just look at Diane’s hair color,” I will often say. “Even though she’s older than I am, it’s still nice and dark. I guess that just goes to show which one of us is easier to live with, even if she does look younger then me.”
See? That was just filled with compliments about her dark hair despite being my elder.
Like I said, I’m just a freaking saint.
After more than thirty years of marriage, people should accept that there is something special between us. With divorce rates as high as they are, it’s almost becoming unusual for a couple to be together for so long. I think one recent event epitomizes what we have.
Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces is adult literature that satirizes famous children's stories, fables and fairy tales. The work is Jay Dubya's twenty-first e-book available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook.
