The Menace

Eric was always into things, changing them or hiding them. When Grandpa Bernie would bring him home some kind of goodie, he would only eat part of it, then he would go and hide the rest for another day. One day Grandpa brought him home a big Hershey Chocolate bar with almonds. Eric ate his portion, and then proceeded to look for a place to stash the rest. This time he chose Grandpa’s boot.

We lived in Northern California, where we get real winter with freezing temperatures and snow. Grandpa’s routine in the winter was to place his boots on a the heating duct, that way when he got up in the morning he could step into warm boots before he left for work. I think you are starting to formulate a picture. When he got up, he went to where his toasty boots were waiting for him, slipped his foot into the left one, reached for the right one slipped his foot into it and hit a warm gooey slippery mess of melted chocolate and almonds. This was not how he planned for his morning to start. He pulled out his foot and his sock was covered with the chocolate mess, as was the inside of his right boot.

This incident happened long before the movie “ Dennis the Menace” was released, but I knew before they showed what happened, what was going to happen thanks to my son. All I could do was laugh, so for those of you disbelievers out there, children do these kinds of things, and it’s true! Eric was in the bathroom, his favorite time of day, bath time, he was about five at the time. To Eric bath time was more like adventure time, and there was never enough time to complete all the adventures, after all there were ships to be sunk, giant fish to be caught and many more exciting things to do, and bath time wasn’t completed until the last adventure was acted out.

The bathroom also held lots of nooks and crannies to explore. He loved Scope mouthwash, after all Grandpa used it, and Eric loved anything that Grandpa liked, if it was good enough for Grandpa it was good enough for Eric. Grandpa was Eric’s hero. In his glee, he spilled the contents of a new bottle of Scope down the sink, now he knew that this could result in some kind of punishment, so his little mind went to work. You see Grandpa’s bath time was right after Eric’s and he knew Grandpa’s ritual by heart, and the mouthwash was part of it. Eric searched until he found a little used bottle of Mennen aftershave, he poured the contents into the scope bottle with what scope was left, added some water to it and called it good.The color was right, and it still smelled like mint. He placed it back on the shelf where Grandpa kept it. Toweled up his flood from the bathroom floor and skipped off to his room.

Grandpa finished his cup of coffee and went to take his turn in the bathroom, you can guess what happened, but seeing and hearing it first hand makes all the difference in the world. He opened the mouthwash, took a big swig, and started to swoosh it around his mouth; he spit that mixture out of his mouth so fast, all over the mirror, sink and floor. He couldn’t get it out quick enough. Eric probably would have been dead on the spot, but he was in bed asleep, and Grandma stepped in to rescue her only Grandson, she blocked the doorway and he couldn’t get past her, she was curled up in a ball, and laughing uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face. Its tough on Grandpa’s to be your Grandson’s favorite.   

Excerpt
Athletic Supporters, Cups and Mom's

We as mothers have to admit that sometimes we ourselves have a slight problem, when the coach sends home a letter saying, your son must have an athletic supporter and cup to play this sport.
Teddy, my husband's mother told me an amusing tale of the first time she was in this situation. She was horrified, but so Dan could participate, she swallowed her nervousness, and went to the sporting goods store. She tells, how she walked up to the counter and pulled out her list. Reading off the items that he would need, she kept bypassing the supporter and cup.
She finally whispered to the clerk, that she needed to buy this thing and that she was confused about how a mother was supposed to know what size to buy for their son. After all when he was little she'd changed his diaper and all, but since he had turned 8, he'd gotten very modest, and she didn't have any idea what size he might be. How was she supposed to get this thing the right size?
The clerk, of course being very amused, but having the good taste not to laugh and make the customer any more uncomfortable than she already was, explained that you buy them by the waist size, not the size of their, well you can figure out what she was referring to.