HAVE YOU EVER HAD THAT ONE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU JUST COULDN’T LET GO OF? NO MATTER HOW MUCH PAIN YOU EXPERIENCED DURING THE RELATIONSHIP, YOU ALWAYS FELT LIKE THE TWO OF YOU WERE BORN TO BE TOGETHER?
MEET “MIKKI” WASHINGTON. TODAY IS HER WEDDING DAY. SHOULD BE THE MOST HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE, BUT IT’S NOT. SHE IS PREPARING TO MARRY THE “CREAM OF THE CROP”. A SUCCESSFUL ATTORNEY NAMED BYRON MCAUTHOR, BUT SHE CAN’T HELP THINKING ABOUT HER ONE AND ONLY TRUE LOVE. MICHEAL ANGELO “MIKO” THOMAS. AN EX DRUG DEALER TURNED CLUB OWNER WHO IS THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF BYRON IN EVERYWAY. AFTER 15 YEARS OF AN ON & OFF RELATIONSHIP WITH “MIKO”, MIKKI FINALLY GIVES UP ON THEM ( WELL NOT COMPLETELY) AND AGREES TO MARRY BYRON, BUT IN HER HEART SHE KNOWS SHE ONLY WANTS TO BE WITH MIKO..... THE MAN WHO LOVES HER....BUT CAN’T COMMIT.
AS HER AND HER FAMILY PREPARE FOR HER STROLL DOWN THE AISLE, SHE SPENDS THE DAY REMINISCING OVER THE PAST 15 YEARS SHE SHARED WITH MIKO.. THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY TIMES. AND WISHING THAT HER ONE TRUE LOVE....HER SOULMATE WOULD COME THRU LIKE HER KNIGHT IN SHINING AMOR AND RESCUE HER FROM WHAT COULD BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HER LIFE. MARRYING A MAN SHE DOESN’T LOVE.
WILL HE?
EXCERPT ONE
"TODAY WAS MY WEDDING DAY Y'ALL..... BUT GOD KNOWS MY MIND WAS EVERYWHERE
ELSE BUT WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. AND SO WAS MY HEART. I WAS ENGAGED TO
MARRY BYRON MCAUTHOR ATTORNEY AT LAW...... SHIT I WAS MORE IN LOVE WITH
"HARVEY BIRDMAN ATTORNEY AT LAW" THAN I WAS BYRON. BYRON WAS SO MANY
WOMEN'S DREAM..... TALL....... 6'2", DARK..... SKIN THE COLOR OF COFFEE WITHOUT A HINT
OF CREAM....... SUCCESSFUL..... HE HAD JUST MADE PARTNER AT WITMON AND STAUL
LAW FIRM. HE WAS A GRADUATE OF GEORGETOWN LAW, DROVE A S600 MERCEDES
BENZ, WORE TAILORED SUITS, PLAYED GOLF ON THE WEEKENDS, COULD COOK HIS
ASS OFF, HAD A BANK ACCOUNT BIG ENOUGH FOR MY 5'6" FRAME TO STAND ON AND
MAKE ME JUST A LITTLE TALLER THAN SHAQ. AND GOD KNOWS THE MAN NEW HOW TO
TREAT A WOMAN. IN THE YEAR AND A HALF I DATED HIM I NEVER ONCE HAD TO REMIND HIM
OF ANNIVERSARIES, BIRTHDAY'S OR VALENTINE'S DAY. HE WAS A RESPECTABLE MAN
WHO ATTENDED CHURCH ON SUNDAY MORNINGS, ENJOYED SPENDING TIME WITH HIS
FAMILY, DIDN'T USE MUCH PROFANITY..... A SHIT, DAMN OR HELL HERE AND THERE.....
BUT NOTHING THAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK HE SPENT TIME AS A SAILOR. AND HE
TREATED THE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE LIKE QUEENS. HIS MOTHER, HIS GRANDMOTHER,
HIS SISTER, AND ME.
SO WHAT I WAS I COMPLAINING ABOUT?................EVERYTHING!!! I CARED FOR BYRON,
BUT I WAS NOWHERE NEAR "IN LOVE" WITH HIM. MY HEART WAS WITH.......
MICHEAL ANGELO "MIKO" THOMAS.
HE WAS THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF BYRON, AND EVERYTHING MY PARENTS COULDN'T
STAND. HE WAS A BAD BOY. HE USED WORDS LIKE "FUCK, BITCH AND NIGGA " ON THE
REGULAR, HAD A BLUNT FOR BREAKFAST, SOME PUSSY FOR LUNCH AND A FEW
HINEKENS FOR DINNER. HIS EMPLOYER WAS "THE BLOCK". HE RAN IT WITH AN IRON
FIST. NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT A GUN..... EVEN IF IT WAS TO TAKE OUR KIDS
TO SCHOOL. HE DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH, DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL IN THE 10TH GRADE.
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE FAITHFUL TO SAVE HIS LIFE. WOULD FIGHT A WOMAN TO THE
DEATH IF NEED BE, HE STAYED DRAPED IN JEANS, JERSEYS, TENNIS SHOES, DIDN'T DO
TOO MUCH OF THE FAMILY THING UNLESS YOU DAMN NEAR RIPPED ONE OF HIS LIMBS
OUT OF PLACE TO GET HIM THERE. SOMETIMES HIS OWN MOTHER COULDN'T STAND HIS
ASS. BUT GOD KNOWS I LOVED THAT MAN.
EXCERPT TWO
"SANTANA WAS ABSOLUTLY RIGHT. LOVING MIKO WAS DANGEROUS AS HELL. I COULD
SAY I HATED HIM ON MONDAY, AND BY FRIDAY, I WOULD BE GOING CRAZY WITHOUT HIS
ASS. THE LOVE I HELD IN MY HEART FOR HIM WAS THE TYPE THAT MADE YOU DO SHIT
YOU AINT HAVE NO DAMN BUSINESS DOING. SHIT YOU KNEW WAS DEAD WRONG. LIKE
GOING TO SEE HIM ON THE DAY I WAS MARRYING BYRON. THIS WAS SO WRONG. AND I
KNEW IT. BUT MIKO KNEW THE BUTTONS TO PUSH WITH ME TO GET ME TO DO WHAT HE
WANTED, AND HE PUSHED THEM. AND LIKE AN IDIOT I STAYED ON I 395 NORTH HEADING
FROM ARLINGTON TO BOWIE. ......
SOMETHING FLASHED IN MIKO'S EYES THAT I HADN'T SEEN IN A LONG TIME. ...... PAIN.
HIM KNOWING THAT I WAS GONNA MARRY BYRON WAS REALLY HURTING HIM. HE SAT
THERE LOOKING AT ME, GRAY EYES PIERCING THRU TO MY VERY SOUL WAITING FOR
AN ANSWER..... AND FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY I WAS SPEECHLESS. IF HE HAD ASKED
ME THIS OVER THE PHONE.... I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO POP SOME SHIT TO HIS ASS......
BUT SITTING HERE FACE TO FACE WITH HIM..... I COULDN'T. I COULDN'T LOOK AT HIM AND
TELL HIM THAT I LOVED BYRON BECAUSE HE WOULD'VE KNOWN I WAS LYING JUST AS I
KNEW. ......
EXCERPT THREE
HE HAD HIT SOME SERIOUS NERVES WITH ME. I HATED HOW SELFISH HE COULD BE. BASICALLY WHAT HE WAS SAYING IS HE WANTS TO MARRY ME, BUT I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY CAREER AND SHIT FIRST. THAT WAS BULLSHIT. I DIDN'T SPEND ALL THAT TIME IN SCHOOL... AND MONEY, AND ALL THOSE HOURS BUSTING MY ASS AT MY "JOB" JUST TO GIVE IT UP. NOT ME. THEN HE GONNA THROW MY SISTERS IN MY FACE. THAT WAS JUST CRAZY. I WAS NOTHING LIKE THEM AND HE KNEW THAT.......
I KNEW THAT MIKO WAS MORE THAN WELL OFF. AND YES HE COULD AFFORD TO GIVE ME ANY AND EVERYTHING THAT MY HEART DESIRED. BUT IT WASN'T ALL ABOUT THAT FOR ME. I WASN'T YOUR AVERAGE HOOD RAT JUST LOOKING FOR A COME UP. I ENJOYED WHAT I DID. AND AS FAR AS HAVING MORE KIDS.... MIKO HAD TO BE SMOKING CRACK. I HAD DONE MY BID WITH DIAPERS AND BOTTLES. I HAD A SON WHO WAS A TEENAGER AND A 4 YEAR OLD. I WAS DONE. SHIT HE HAD ENOUGH KIDS.........
WHEN THAT DOOR CLOSED, I KNEW IT WAS OVER. I HAD STOOD MY GROUND. AND I MEANT EVERY WORD THAT I SAID FOR ONCE. I WAS TIRED OF GIVING UP AND SACRAFICING SHIT TO BE WITH HIM. I WAS TIRED OF LIVING IN MIKO'S WORLD. I HAD DONE THAT SHIT SINCE I WAS 12. I WAS 27, AND IT WAS NOW TIME FOR HIM TO LIVE IN MY WORLD OR LET ME BE.
EXCERPT FOUR
I SAT THERE IN THE LIMO WITH 3 OF THE CLOSEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO ME. THERE WAS CONVERSATION GOING ON, BUT I WAS OBILIOUS TO IT. HE HAD DONE IT TO ME AGAIN. SURE I WAS IN THE LIMO LEAVING THE HOTEL PARKING LOT ON MY WAY TO MY WEDDING...... BUT MY HEART AND MY MIND WAS BACK IN THAT ROOM WITH HIM. FINALLY MY MOTHER NOTICED THE GIFT I WAS HOLDING AND ASKED ME ABOUT IT. I SMILED A WEAK SMILE AND JUST SAID IT WAS A LATE ARRIVAL FROM AN OLD FRIEND. SANTANA KNEW WHO IT WAS FROM...... I GUESS THAT WHAT SHE HAD BROKE INTO THE ROOM TO TELL ME. AND FROM THE WAY NIKKI LOOKED AT ME, I FIGURED SHE KNEW WHO IS WAS FROM ALSO. BUT MY MOTHER WAS SO BUSY SMILING AND TALKING ABOUT BYRON TO EVEN CATCH THE LOOKS THAT FLOWED BETWEEN ME MY MATRON OF HONOR AND ONE OF MY BRIDES MAIDS......
I SAT THERE WITH MY TEARS FALLING AS MY MOTHER AND SISTER LOOKED AT ME LIKE I HAD LOST MY MIND. THEY COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVED MIKO. YOU HAD TO HAVE BEEN IN LOVE BEFOR LIKE I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS GOING THRU.....
SO MY MOTHER AND SISTER COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LOVE HIM. THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER PERSON IN THAT LIMO WHO COULD UNDERSTAND...... AND THAT WAS BECAUSE ONCE UPON A TIME, SHE LOVED HIM JUST LIKE I DID. BUT SOMEHOW SHE HAD MANAGED TO WALK AWAY. TO MOVE ON. I ENVIED SANTANA IN THAT DEPARTMENT. I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS BECAUSE SHE VALUED OUR FRIENDSHIP OR BECAUSE SHE WAS SIMPLY OVER MIKO.... BUT SHE HAD BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT I HAD BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE LAST I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS. SAY SHE WAS DONE WITH HIM AND MOVE ON WITHOUT LOOKING BACK......
MY HEART FELT SO HEAVY. I HATED THE FACT THAT HE SHOWED UP HERE. WHY WAS HE DETERMINED TO KEEP MY WORLD SHAKEN UP? HE JUST COULDN'T LET ME BE AT PEACE. I HAD MEADE PEACE WITH THE FACT THAT I WAS ABOUT TO BECOME MRS. BYRON MCAUTHOR..... AND HE CAME AND DISRUPTED THAT IN ALL OF 4 MINUTES. HE WAS AMAZING. AMAZING HOW HE COULD LOVE ME ONE DAY AND THEN BREAK CAMP ON ME THE NEXT. I DON'T EVEN THINK MIKO UNDERSTOOD THAT HE HAD DROVE ME TO BYRON. OUR LAST BREAK UP HURT SO BAD, AND TO THIS DAY, I DON'T KNOW WHY WE BROKE UP. I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA WHY.... BUT HE NEVER CONFIRMED OR DENIED IT. HE JUST LEFT ME WAITING IN THE WIND. AND THEN BYRON CAME ALONG . I WAS JUST PASSING TIME WITH HIM. SOMEONE TO CHILL WITH, SOMEONE TO GO OUT WITH AND ENJOY ADULT CONVERSATIONS AND SUCH. I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BLOSSOM INTO A FULL BLOWN RELATIONSHIP OR BETTER YET END WITH A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL AND A WEDDING. SO IT WAS MIKO'S FAULT THAT I WAS ABOUT TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE. MAYBE IF HE HAD JUST COME TO ME LIKE AND ADULT AND TALKED TO ME.... SAID WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND..... ASKED ME WHAT IT WAS HE WANTED TO KNOW INSTEAD OF JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS..... I WOULD STILL BE SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR HIS CALL. BUT ONE AFTERNOON OF HIM BEING TO DAMN NOSEY FOR HIS OWN DAMN GOOD LEAD TO THE UNTIMATE BREAKUP, AND TO ME BECOMING THE FUTURE MRS. BYRON MCAUTHOR.
EXCERPT FIVE
"MY DADDY STARTED WITH HIS SCRIPTURE. BUT I DIDN'T HEAR IT. IT WAS LIKE I HAD GONE DEAF. I COULDN'T HEAR ANYTHING AROUND ME. I WAS LOST. SOMETHING JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I FELT SO ANXIOUS. I WAS HOPING I DIDN'T THROW UP WHOLE WE STOOD THERE. THAT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOOD AT ALL. AFTER MY DADDY FINISHED WITH HIS SCRIPTURE HE GOT INTO WHAT WE WERE HERE TO GET INTO MY MIND MUST HAVE BEEN WONDERING FOR LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS. LAST I REMEMBERED MY DADDY WAS IN SCRIPTURE. NEXT THING I REMERMBERED WAS THIS PHRASE."
IKE: MARISSA OCTAVIA WASHINGTON, DO YOU TAKE BYRON CORDELL MCAUTHOR TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND. TO HAVE AND TO HOLD. TO HONOR AND TO CHERISH, FOR RICHER OR POORER.... IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH..... AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE.
'I FROZE. I ALREADY KNEW WHAT WAS SAID DURING A WEDDING CEREMONY. I HAD ATTENDED A FEW. MY DADDY AND BETTY, AMARA AND ERIC, GERALD AND INDA'S WHEN THEY GOT BACK TOGEHTER. BUT FOR SOME REASON, HEARING THAT SAME QUESTION ASKED TO ME SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. IT WAS LIKE MY DADDY WAS SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE TO ME. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. I WAS SO SCARED. THIS WAS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT BYRON HAD SAID.... I HAD BEEN SO ZONED OUT THAT I MISSED DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING. I FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS ABOUT TO BEAT THRU MY CHEST AS EVERY EYE WAS ON ME WAITING FOR AN ANSWER. DID I? WAS I DOING THE RIGHT THING? WAS ME MARRYING BYRON JUST BEING SELFISH, OR WAS THIS MEANT TO BE. I DIDN'T KNOW.
The e-book version of Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self - Love - Narcissism Revisited". Contains the entire text: essays, frequently asked questions and
appendices regarding pathological narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
