Click here to buy this book! Lulu C.V.Conner.com C.V.Conner.com Category:  Relationships Publisher: Lulu.com Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 78 Copyright: May 3, 2007 ISBN-13: 9781430320005 Most of you have heard of my 80/20 rule. It simply states that nothing in the world gives us 100% of what we desire. Some things give us 80% while others only give us 20%. But what’s amazing is how many men and women walk away from the 80% that they have in hand for the 20% on the other side of the fence. This rule is seen in effect in interracial dating as often as seen in any other area of life. And in this case, as in the others, it will always serve to demote instead of promote you.When it comes to dating and marrying outside of your race, the 80/20 rule may be in control even more so than in any other area of life! Why? Because if you choose a mate based entirely on their race, you are sure to get only 20% of your desired 100% compatible mate. Choosing a mate based entirely on their race is therefore never a smart decision. But choosing a mate who meets most of your requirements, regardless of race, is my recommended route to dating and/or marriage. A question I hear a lot is “Isn’t it wrong for a black man to date and/or marry across racial lines?” This is a question I hate to hear! The reason I hate to hear it is because I hate that the question even exists. We have a notion in this world that we must go to school and get a good education so we can be successful in life. And with that success we must commit to marriage and building a family solely with someone of our own race. But what I find, more often than not, is that some of the most important skills to learn are not only ignored by our schools and society at large, but actively shunned. Things like dating for love, finances, honest sexual desires, and fidelity, – arguably four of the most important things in life – are completely overlooked in the development of human beings. Is it any wonder we have so many cases of depression, anxiety, loneliness, divorce, and debt in the world? Often, we are left to our own devices to learn these skills on our own, through trial and error. Some succeed at it, but most do not. The people who don’t succeed in learning them on their own get caught in a vicious cycle where bad behaviors are re-enforced and skills stagnate instead of develop. Healthy relationships are vital to living a happy life, interracial or not. Nothing can compare to the company of a supportive woman you love. I think that’s nearly all that any man wants. But instead of being taught correctly by society on how to be happy, we are made to feel guilty about our interests, about other races, and especially about our sexual desires. We’re taught the wrong way to look at things – things that might have been right 100 to 1,000 years ago, but are outdated today. Educated black men are still trying to win the affection of black women, even when we know we are not what she is looking for, but it makes our race happy. We obsess over our looks, trying desperately to fit with the thuggish fad of today, even though we can’t really change who we are. We obsess over what kind of car we drive, what kind of clothes we wear, and how our hair is styled, even though what’s in for us today can easily fall out tomorrow. Excerpt Leaving The Fold by C.V. Conner, Ph.D. Review by Jackie Rodman I've never been involved in an interracial relationship, but writer C.V. Conner made me feel as if I knew about and agreed firsthand with most everything he revealed in this novel, where professional black men often find themselves scorned and unsupported by their black women. His story of how black women more positively react to the tougher street-smart male will have you shaking your head in agreement, even if much of his genetic theory make your hair stand on the back of your neck.

Jackie Rodman Review at Booksellers
I've never been involved in an interracial relationship, but writer C.V. Conner made me feel as if I knew about and agreed firsthand with most everything he revealed in this novel, where professional black men often find themselves scorned and unsupported by their black women. His story of how black women more positively react to the tougher street-smart male will have you shaking your head in agreement, even if much of his genetic theory make your hair stand on the back of your neck.
The author is the reason I loved this book, even though I had never heard of him before, because his voice rings so clear and true. Not only does he make me see the things he sees, he makes me feel the things he feels. There's a lot more going on than just the occasional interracial date, and the author tells you all about it.
A professional black man is often referred to as brother in this book. Very few people ever seen to continue calling him one after he succeeds in life, and C.V. seems to have a lot of fun elaborating on the reasons for that. The mystery about how the black male loses his brotherhood here is just one of the reasons you want to keep turning the pages to find out what happens in Leaving The Fold.
The author tells stories about his actual life experiences with black women, and plays games and has a great time pointing out what causes the black male to leave his own race for companionship. One of his reasons for this action is what he calls personalized rejection among the black female. Actually this claim isn't really so strange once you read past the first skin warming paragraph. He says things like "Black women tend to hold onto and blame an entire race of men for the rejection of one man," which is funny but also pretty sad, because it is nothing short of the truth.
Leaving The Fold is filled with interesting claims like the one above, and C.V. makes them all seem just as real as your best girlfriend. Here's how C.V. describes the average black female’s reaction when a nice professional black male attempts to show his love, “The sisters would tend to breakup with a brother, act all hard to get, and generally not be happy and satisfied when he treated her “nice”. Being “nice” seemed to be an enemy of black women
You get the idea that the author is wrote this book because he wants the world to know what a good man the professional black man really is, and how hard he tries to do the right thing, even though the deck are stacked against him in more areas than one.
The larger theme of the story is about racial intolerance, but C.V. never tries to make it a "lesson," it's simply part of the world he describes. That's why Leaving The Fold rings true, and why it all seems so real.
C.V. Conner, the author of the book, does a great job in persuading us to look at interracial dating and marriage from another prospective. His words are eloquent and heartfelt. He demonstrates the when and why the professional black man is often forced to leave the fold of his own race in search of true love. But the book doesn’t end with an adequate attempt to shed light on the negative results of choosing a mate based solely on race.
Even though the author tells of his negative life experiences that took place many years ago, you get the idea that it is happening today all around you.