Kindle Edition
Adventure1 Publications
Adventure1 Publishing
Category:
Humor
Publisher: Adventure1 Publications
Pages: 121
Copyright: Feb 20, 2011
ISBN-13: 9781879338128
Price: FREE! (eBook)
Subtitled; 'How Thailand was Won and Lost in the 1st Decade of the 21st Century' this takes a cheeky view of the topsy turvy career of former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin.
Former PM Thaksin has proven to be, by far, the most controversal Thai person of modern times. Even a completely factual rendition of his episodes would read like a farce. This text is peppered with satirical comedic skits based upon actual events and quotes from Mister "I'm through with Politics" Thaksin. Included are alleged conversations between the former caretaker-PM and his closest people, the all-dialogue parody listens in to words shared with the man’s former wife, his son, and his stable of well paid attorneys. The reader can decide whether the man, who proclaimed publicly; "the UN is not My father," is hitting on all cylinders, and to what extent he and his family and friends were entwined with the Pattaya and Bangkok riots of 2009, and the Red Demonstrations of Spring 2010, which commandeered a large section of Bangkok for two months, behind a barrier of sharpened bamboo spikes planted in petrol soaked truck tires.
Excerpt
Sintax enters the judge’s private office. He’s carrying a small sheaf of papers. He looks at the framed photos on the walls, some of which include himself and his family members. He recognizes nearly every one in the dozens of photos, who are posing with the dignified-looking female judge. He is also looking for ‘bugs’ – listening devices and hidden cameras, and any clandestine ways that someone might be observing or listening to what goes on in that office.
Sintax: Your honor, I’d like your permission to take a short leave.
Judge: What’s this ‘your honor’ stuff? You can call me Judge Porn.
Sintax: Ok, Judge Porn, I promised my family I would take them to the Beijing Olympics, and I’d hate to let them down. They’re really looking forward to it. Are there any bugs in this office?
Judge: I beg your pardon.
Sintax: You know; listening devices or cameras. Where’s your mobile phone – do you mind if I take a look around your desk?
Judge: I can promise you there aren’t any bugs in this office – of the kind you’re referring to. There may be a cockroach sitting nearby, but there are no nefarious electronic devices, of that you can be sure.
Sintax: I saw a cockroach in the stairwell of my hotel last night.
Judge: Thanks for sharing. Now, to the real issue of why you’re here, my answer is: I don’t believe I can grant leave for you. Both you and your wife have been found guilty of serious legal offenses, and there would be hell to pay if the wrong people found out I let you go off on a holiday.
Sintax: Now wait a minute. Ok, calm calm (speaking to himself). We go back a ways. You were sitting with me and the Finance Minister when we got word from him privately, that he was going to float the baht the next day. We both immediately bought lots of dollars, and we both got a lot richer overnight - when the baht lost half its value in the next few days.
Judge: Why are you telling me this? But yes, of course I remember, but you cashed out a lot more Baht than I did. Even so, I hope you’re keeping that little story secret, because it would trash both our reputations if it went public.
Sintax: My reputation has already been dragged through the mud, my dear. I don’t have much face left to lose. You, however, have maintained an upstanding reputation through the years.
Judge: Well, voting to excuse you for hiding your assets with your chauffer – was a big jolt in the road for my reputation.
Sintax: Well, we won that one, didn’t we. We successfully used the ‘honest mistake’ line, and you got a big new house with a swimming pool. So I’d say we all came away winners on that.
Judge: There you go again. I dearly wish you would not bring such things up that would tarnish my reputation.
Sintax: Don’t worry, this conversation is just between you and me. What we say, stays here in this room – assuming you have no electronic bugs.
Judge: So, you want to trip on off to Beijing for a couple weeks?
Sintax: Yes. Me and my family.
Judge: As simple as that - as if you’re prancing off on a family picnic - and you’re promising to return to Thailand, when the Olympics are over?
Sintax: That’s what I’m saying, yes.
Judge: Wait a moment. What do you mean, “That’s what I’m saying.’? Are you, or are you not intending to return after your romp at the Olympics?
Sintax: Look, let’s not beat around the bush here. You and I both know I don’t want to return, and my wife is even more adamant about staying away. I’m saying I will return because that’s what I’m supposed to say in this situation. If I don’t return, it’s not going to look bad for you – it will only look bad for me. I’ve got a lot of enemies here in Thailand. A lot of people are gathered around salivating, and wanting to kick me while I’m down. Maybe they’re jealous of how rich I am, I don’t know and I don’t really care. I just know that while I was in the PM’s chair, I had a power structure around me, so I could keep my enemies at bay.
Judge: Didn’t help you when the Army took over.
Sintax: Ok, you got me on that one. But I was consolidating power at every level, at every post. Given a bit more time, no one could have touched me – no police, no military,….
Judge: Well, maybe the Yellow shirts.
Sintax: There you’ve got it. Hit the nail on the head. It was the Yellows who represented the elite and powerful families. It was Sondhi and the others stirring up the dummies in the audience, all shaking their rattles. That’s what I couldn’t control. I tried dealing with Sondhi, but when I mentioned how he hadn’t paid back a big loan, that’s when he went off the deep end. One minute he seemed to be alright, even praising me in public, the next minute he was stabbing me in the back.
Judge: Sounds like a Shakespearian drama.
Sintax: Well it is, in a way. So anyway, how can I convince you to sign this paper? Airport security says they won’t allow me out without a top judge’s approval.
Judge: What can you do to reciprocate the favor?
Sintax: Alright, there you go, talking my language – that’s what I like to hear. What do you need? Not a kidney, I trust. I need both of mine.
Judge: No, not a kidney. How about you pull some strings to get my son in to Rajpaj Medical school?
Sintax: Consider it done. I know the director there. What’s her phone number – I’ll call her right now.
Judge: Well, be informed, that my son’s not the sharpest tool in the tool shed.
Sintax: No matter, he could have the IQ of a carrot, and I could get him in.
Judge: Plus, I’d like a silver Lexus with a sunroof, and a second swimming pool – for my guest house in back.
Sintax: Look, if it’s about money, don’t worry about it. Just give me a ballpark number, and you’ll get the money. Now don’t squeeze to hard here, I’m only asking for a signature.
Judge: You’re asking for freedom for you and your wife.
Sintax: Ok, what’s the magic number? Wait don’t say it. I’ll get ten big ones to you by tomorrow noon.
Judge: Twenty.
Sintax: Ok Twenty, but don’t push your luck. Is that guest house with the new pool going to be available for me, when I come back to Thailand in triumph – before moving back in to the Prime Ministers residence?
Judge: Don’t bank on it.
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