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Amazon
Foxbrush Art Studio
Category:
Mystery/Suspense
Publisher: iUniverse
ISBN-10: 0595415229
Pages: 206
Copyright: Oct 30, 2006
ISBN-13: 9780595415229
Part romance, part mystery, MY BEST CAT is an uproarious and sometimes naughty story chock full of feline history, outrageous characters, plot twists, hilarity, and of course, the cats themselves.
Roxanne Moore had many enemies who shared her hobby of showing cats. Among her other bad habits, she stole things from people: Cats, jewelry, sometimes even husbands. So when her strangled body is found in the restroom at the largest cat show in the country, no one is really surprised. But it's the beginning of a crime investigation into the edge of lunacy known as the Cat Fancy.
Kim Norwich is the plucky redheaded security guard who takes the murder personally, as it happens on her watch. She is forced to step aside as the criminal investigation ensues. Even though she has sworn off men, she finds herself helplessly attracted to the detective in charge, Rob Reynolds.
Kenya Strut, SoSuMe and Hot Purrsuit provide sanity for their glory-seeking owners. Who committed this heinous crime? Who will be Best Cat? Who has the jello shots? This frisky tale is sure to keep you on your toes.
Excerpt
“Now, Cary Grant. There’s a real movie star!” Roxanne exulted.
Seizing her change of topic, I said, “It’s too bad he never came out of the closet. He could have made great strides for gays in those days.”
The Mouth Breather piped up. “In those days it would have ruined him. He was right to never admit it.”
I saw Liesl then suddenly lose interest in our conversation. She tossed the garbage in the can, turned and shuffled back down the aisle to her cage. She heaved herself into a chair, reached down under her cage and pulled out a worn tan paperback. I wondered what she was reading. Probably Stephen King.
“Cary Grant was not gay!” Roxanne brayed. “He was married! Several times, I think!”
“Auntie, surely you know that doesn’t matter.”
“Maybe not to you!” she screeched. “Back then it did. Marriage was a commitment back then. People took it seriously.”
I snorted. “Yeah, right. It was no different. In fact, back then things were probably kinkier because of society’s Dictatorship of Decency.”
The Mouth Breather, to my surprise, suddenly belted forth a loud laugh. She was looking at me appreciatively. At that moment, she was even sort of pretty.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. Here I was having a conversation with my aunt – probably the biggest slut I had ever known – about moral decency and the sanctity of marriage. It wasn’t the first time. We’d had a long history of arguments like this.
“Things could not have been kinkier than today,” Roxanne sniffed. “Lesbians. Transvestites. Strange people not knowing whether they are male or female – ugh.”
“None of that has changed, Auntie. They had lesbians, transvestites and sexually confused individuals long before you were born.”
“Sure, but they didn’t flaunt it back then.”
“Wanna bet?”
“No. Back then they believed in common decency. People went to church. Andrew, when was the last time you went to church?”
“Don’t start talking about religion, Aunt. It’s unbecoming, and such a bore.”
“Do you believe in life after death?” the Mouth Breather asked. She didn’t appear to be addressing either of us in particular, but Roxanne answered.
“Of course I do! I believe in Heaven and Hell.”
“Oh really!” I folded my arms and leaned backward. “And where do you think you are going to end up?”
“In Heaven, of course. I’m not gay.”
The Mouth Breather looked at me and shifted uncomfortably.
“So what are you saying, Auntie? I’m going to burn in an eternal pit of fire because of my sexual orientation?”
“It’s your choice. But all gays go to Hell. The Bible says so.”
I snorted. “Oh, I see. So we choose to be gay.”
“What, like it’s an accident?” Roxanne laughed.
Her ignorance rang forth from her, like a bell. She had absolutely no consciousness of what an ass she made of herself. My only regret was that the witnesses had crept off when her tirade started. The other exhibitors around us had gone to the restroom or the judging rings or the vendor’s area. Our row was completely vacant except for the Big Wigs down at the end.
“I believe in reincarnation,” the Mouth Breather offered.
I ignored her. “The Bible says that all gays are going to burn in hell?”
“Yes it does,” Roxanne sighed. “Just look it up.”
“I’ve been owned by the same cat three times. He keeps dying and when he comes back he keeps finding me,” the Mouth Breather said.
“Well, they do have nine lives,” Roxanne said. “He has to find you five more times now.”
“Six,” I corrected.
“Whatever,” Roxanne said.
“He was black the first time. When he came back he was a tabby. Now he’s Kenya. Funny thing is, he’s always had this sort of orange tint,” the Mouth Breather said.
“It’s probably in Genesis. Then God made Abel gay, so Cain killed him, and then he burned in hell,” I said.
“He came back as Kenya?” Roxanne said, laughing.
“Yes, the black cat I had when I was a child, he had happy feet and the same personality. He had this weird burnt tinge to his coat though.”
“Like a Havana Brown?” Roxanne said. “They look black at first.”
“No, not exactly, it’s hard to describe. It was like a tinge.”
“Was he an outdoor cat? It could have been sunburn,” Roxanne said.
“Maybe. I’m not sure where he came from, originally. He was a stray that I fed and he hid in our back shed. He was afraid of people but he trusted me. He used to hunt birds out in our garden and it drove my mother crazy! He was a really good hunter. Finally my folks called animal control and they caught him and took him away.”
“Isaac was gay. That’s why Abraham wanted to slice his throat,” I said.
“Then the tabby cat I found on campus when I was going to school. I smuggled him into the dorm room. Isn’t it funny? They were both secrets. He had happy feet too. He had been neutered though, so had been someone’s pet at some point in time. Not a total alley cat like my first one. And he was a brown tabby but had a very reddish coat.”
”What happened to him?” Roxanne said.
”We got found out eventually. The staff took him to the shelter. I followed up though and he did get adopted.”
“And then, of course, there was Jacob, wrestling with the angel. I think they meant fairy. And they weren’t wrestling.”
The Mouth Breather laughed suddenly, clapping her hand over her mouth. Then she blurted, “Gives new meaning to the phrase, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan!’”
I felt myself do a double take. Maybe the Mouth Breather had potential. That one wasn’t half bad. Unfortunately I was too angry and distracted at the moment to acknowledge it.
Roxanne glared at me. “That’s sick. And you really – both of you – should not joke about such things. It’s bad karma.”
“Now wait a minute,” I said. “Just what religion are we talking about, here?”
“What?”
I slapped my hand to my forehead. The Mouth Breather laughed again. I was aware that I probably shouldn’t continue setting up my aunt this way, as she would just continue to make an ass of herself. But I was too angry to feel any sympathy for her. Maybe it was old baggage. Maybe it went back to the times she teased and humiliated me in front of her boyfriends, when I was small. I didn’t know. And I didn’t care. Relative or not, I despised her. I despised her for the fool that she was and I despised her for the fact that the world accepted her, even catered to her. It was wrong. It wasn’t fair.
“We’re talking about Christianity, of course,” Roxanne said.
“Then why are you bringing up karma?”
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Just let me ask you this. Where exactly where in the Bible does it say we’re all going to Hell?”
Appearing to tire of the conversation, she made a dismissive gesture with one hand. “I don’t know. Somewhere. The scriptures.”
I rolled my eyes. I could feel my disgust building, but there really wasn’t any point in arguing with her. Besides, I had done my duty as a fellow exhibitor, keeping peace in our row, and Roxanne didn’t even realize it. I turned around and walked away.
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