Category: Family Publisher: Blue Dolphin Publishing, Inc.
ISBN-10: 1577331583
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 144
Copyright: May 2005
ISBN-13: 9781577331582
Why Heal and Forgive?
For decades, I heard from friends, relatives, therapists, and Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to heal. This advice - and the attempts I made to forgive - left me open to further injury and damaged me deeply.
When I finally mustered the courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never thought was possible. Not forgiving afforded me the greatest emotional growth of my life. Wow!
The unintentional by-product of this healing, was - ironically - forgiveness.
At that time, I realized that the old adage, "Forgive and Heal," was backwards. For me, it was "Heal and Forgive!"
"If I only knew then" that healing had to come first, it would have saved me a great deal of time and pain. So, now I shout it from the roof tops "Heal, THEN Forgive!"
Foreword This story is painful to read. How can a parent abuse or allow the other parent to abuse children in the myriad of ways described here? Perhaps this "why?" has no answer. An answer would be helpful because part of what we humans long for in the midst of pain and chaos is to make some sense of it all. Answering "why?" there is such suffering in the world at least gives us a handle on it. Yet these answers are hard to come by. Suffering is a part of life. So is joy. But this is little solace to a child whose world is constructed by abuse. Richards tells her story and unravels the process of healing that can lead to forgiveness. Along the way she breaks the silence of her family and is determined to tell the truth about her childhood. In spite of the denial by other family members, she is heard, believed and acknowledged by others in her life. She goes through the anger and grief of coming to terms with her childhood. She resists the temptation to "forgive and forget" because she knows it would only heal the wound lightly, saying "peace, peace," when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14). She puts her energy into protecting and caring for herself and in raising her children in a healthy, nurturing environment. All of this contributes to her healing; all of this is part of experiencing justice. All of this is what finally frees her to forgive and get on with her life. She chose the path of healing and it took her to forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an obligation on the part of someone who has been harmed. It is not a solo act but rather takes place in community where we can find some sense of justice. It is not saying magic words and hoping that healing will come from that. It is hard work for the individual. It is God's grace carrying us the whole way. It is possible but never easy. This story is a testament to the possibility of healing and forgiveness. No cheap grace here. No pretense of keeping family secrets and denial. Just hard work and a great reward. Rev. Marie M. Fortune FaithTrust Institute, Seattle
Excerpt
The soul cannot forgive until it
is restored to wholeness and health.
In the absence of love - how can one forgive?
With an abundance of love, starting with one's self,
forgiveness becomes a viable opportunity.
Professional Reviews
Wise important lessons about surviving abuse
Midwest Book Review:
Reviewer: Sherry Russell, Grief Management Specialist, Midwest Book Review
"I left Mom's house stripped, whipped, naked, and destroyed." Heal & Forgive is the author's potent account of the raw abusive underbelly of human nature and the triumph over it.
Thinking about child abuse puts most people in an uncomfortable zone yet many people are abusive without realizing it. Telltale signs of abuse are being uncovered daily. Healing from abuse is walking a complicated grief path of multiples losses. Working through the trauma takes on a power. The power of healing is the ability to reshape your life.
The author courageously rips through the barriers of denial, leaving the crude truth exposed. Richards's gutsy mission of cleaning out the wounds of abuse and setting new boundaries is humbling. As the author searches through the rearview mirror of her life, she learns that healing first is the foundation for true forgiveness.
The perfect punctuation mark to her lessons is the purging of the patterns of abuse. By shedding her layers of pain, anger and confusion, she transforms her life and the life of those she touches.
This is an excellent book for abuse survivors and for those dealing with or helping abuse survivors.
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Let this coming of age story of a boy named Bean take you back to a simple time. Set in a small southern town in the 1960's, encircled by a river and gleaming white cotton fields.
