Category: Humor Publisher: Pendle People
Type: Fiction
Pages: 182
Copyright: Dec 26, 2006
Takes the lid off the way cooks are trained
Sally enters the Cooks' Academy at the age of 34. Coping with her two children - Cleo - and "Bloody Alex", plus the punishing schedule set by the charismatic Dr Fisher would be more than enough for most people, but Sal's problems don't stop there! Hounded by Social Security, persecuted by Dastardly Derek, her landlord, tormented by her growing obsession with the sexually rampant Dr Fisher, Sal muddles through with no very clear idea of what or where she wants to be. The adventures of Sally and her fellow students as they struggle to understand why they are constantly told they will all pass, even though the lecturers seem to talk about nothing but sex, and the very real hard work they do in the kitchen, are told at a fast, racy pace. Whatever you think of Sally's morals, you can't help admiring her guts, her determination to stay the pace,and her cracking love life!
Excerpt
Everyone at the Academy is feeling the pressure now. I’m not alone. This seems to be the way Fisher operates - only the tough will survive. He’s always saying if we can’t stand the pace get out. It’s his favourite phrase. He seems bent on giving us all nervous breakdowns, and the more harrassed we look, the more cheerful he gets. He throws immense tasks at us, tasks that seem wholly impossible but which, when we find we can do them, boost our confidence and self-esteem no end. It’s a baptism of fire. There’s nothing easy about any of it. Perhaps there is method in his madness after all, and he’s not just a sadist.
Keith can be irritating at times -like when he brings me presents - one day he came into class and handed me a hare dripping blood! Peter got the giggles as I held it up by the hind legs and stared at it.
Peter asked me next day what I did with it. I reflected a bit.
“I made Hare à la Morecambe.”
“I haven’t heard of that,” said Peter, “How do you make it?”
“Leave it on the train.” Morecambe was the end of the line.
Whatever Keith gave me, I passed on to someone else. Without their knowledge of course. Mostly it was big bunches of flowers. The first open office door I saw, I went in and put them on the desk. I couldn’t be bothered carting them home, what with the books and bike. I hope he never knew. Though Peter’s frequent references to Hare à la Morecambe almost gave the game away.
But still, Keith is a great comfort to have around. He simply adores me and is always there, like a great shabby comfort cushion. He never asks or expects anything, except to be near me, and he often sits holding my hand in class on one of his bad days. No wonder the staff think we’re practically engaged. Gavin told me some of them are saying I only came here to get Husband Number Three! That bloody annoys me, and nothing could be further from the truth. I came here to learn, and to get the chance to earn a good income and enjoy a single life. Also, when I’m too old to attract men, I’ll be the boss and the young waiters will have to sleep with me - or else!
Deputy Dave Jenkins sets out to find the murderer of the local high school principal, aided by a voice from the grave that is sometimes helpful and sometimes misleading.
"Murder isn't usually this funny."
Amazon reviewer
The Wholly Book of Genesis is a humorous satire on the first book of the Old Testament where the Story of Creation, the building of Noah's Ark, Sodom and Gomorrah and the families of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are thoroughly spoofed and broadsided.
